I’m using an alt, for obvious reasons. I haven’t told many people about this but I want to share it with you all. I used to be a textbook pick me, with “daddy issues” and abandonment issues. I searched for male acceptance and validation from the age of 15. I lost my virginity to a guy I met online in his car and then hooked up with 20+ more over the next few years. Sometimes I didn’t use a condom. It all changed when I was sexually assaulted and used, which I didn’t realize until later.

He was a hookup but we had done it before. A sigh friend with benefits. He wanted to try BDSM with me. I agreed because I knew it turned him on and why wouldn’t I want that? He whipped me with a belt and left lash marks, he choked me until I couldn’t breathe. He pulled my hair until it started ripping from my scalp. I tried to disassociate and hold back tears. I eventually told him to stop and he ignored me. He seemed to enjoy it. After a few minutes more I started crying and he finally stopped and left. He blocked me on everything. I remember feeling so worthless and weak. I felt like it was my fault.

I wanted to share this because BDSM is NOT normal. No matter what women say, I guarantee they do not enjoy it like they say. It is abuse. Just because it’s in the bedroom and not the kitchen doesn’t change it. Men get off to abusing women and ignoring their protests. I said no and it did nothing. I had marks on my back for days after and was reminded of what I’d gone through.

This does not change who I am. I am strong and beautiful and I would never let a man treat me less than a queen now. FDS has changed my life from the past year I’ve been here and I hope my story can help someone else who can relate or needs to hear this.