The one part of rpw I don't agree with so far is advice to not sleep with men until you're get commitment.

happy_sunflower3112 · 2020-10-06T14:12:27+00:00

I do understand your point of view because I also believe that sex compatibility is really important in a relationship. But I don’t think you need to sleep with men to know if you are compatible with them in bed or not. Personnally, I could feel a sexual chemistry/attraction (if there was one) just by being with the person. Your body knows when you’re compatible with someone, don’t ignore it. 😊

golden_eyed_cat · 2020-10-06T13:51:11+00:00

I'm glad this worked for you! Many RPW prefer waiting to have sex until they receive the commitment that they want, which is either a long-term relationship or marriage, so it's interesting to hear about strategies that differ from the most popular one. Therefore, would you mind if I asked a few questions?:

How did you avoid getting strung along? Was there any specific way you vetted the men you've dated to make sure that even though they were eager to have sex with you early on, they also wanted to commit to you?
Do you believe that, by being open to having sex outside of a committed relationship, you were able to get higher-value men to commit to you? Why or why not?
Do you live in a liberal, or more conservative area? Did your location affect the choice of your dating strategy? If so, how?

I'm looking forward to hearing from you!

Throwaway230306 · 2020-10-06T14:39:09+00:00

Well, that's standard advice for RP men, it's good advice for fulfilling the male imperative: https://medium.com/@RationalMale/wait-for-it-b66c9880d096

"Sexuality is spontaneous chemical reaction between two parties, not a process of negotiation. It’s sex first, then relationship, not the other way around."

Is it good advice for women? I think it can be, but only if he's a good man, you play your cards right with great "girl game" post-sex, AND, frankly, luck is on your side. Proceed with extreme caution.

Pros: Genuinely exciting sex (the spontaneous reaction), natural inspiration to bring your best girl game, access to men who will not wait for what you define as commitment. Cons: The relationship may not go beyond sex and you get nothing but some fading memories and another n to add to your count.

Anecdotally, I slept with my husband on our third date, maybe after 3 weeks of dating. About six weeks later, we were "committed" (calling each other gf/bf without ever really talking about commitment). And it was great! We've now been happily married for 8 years. With previous boyfriends, I waited for months because I wasn't all that excited to sleep with them, and those relationships crashes and burned.

Kind_Entertainment_6 · 2020-10-06T13:41:13+00:00

What? Sexual compatibility can grow the more the relationship is nurtured and trust is entered into the relationship.

To me this thought is short term thinking. Short term thinking = short term benefits 🤷🏽‍♀️ but whatever works for you.

anothergoodbook · 2020-10-06T13:33:03+00:00

We waited and we let our sexual compatibility grow together. It’s not a set thing and it evolves so I think judging a partner on one not ideal sex experience is not smart. But like someone else said - whatever floats your boat.

thesixthamethyst · 2020-10-06T14:51:16+00:00

I agree that making sure you're compatible is important, but I think you're grossly over-simplifying it. Three dates and the sex wasn't good? I mean, that's like really not shocking in the slightest. Hell, I'd still be deciding if I like someone on the 3rd date, not worrying about if they're going to rock my world in the bedroom.

The first few times with my husband were laughably terrible. We talked about it and figured out why we weren't jiving, fixed it, and have to say (and I'm not just saying this because we're married now!) that he is by far the best I've ever been with. He knows just what I like, he's considerate, and we are very in love with each other. If I had broken up with him because the first couple times weren't so great, I would have missed out on one of the best things that ever happened to me. I would definitely encourage you to consider the importance of emotional connection, not just sexual connection. I think you've put so much on that, that you've overlooked an incredibly important element.

Pinkrose571 · 2020-10-06T12:43:22+00:00

Whatever floats your boat 🚢

PrincessJennifer · 2020-10-06T12:43:39+00:00

I mean, everyone’s different. For me personally it made the most sense to wait until marriage after I considered it socially, religiously, and practically. But again, different strokes.

CountTheBees · 2020-10-06T21:43:02+00:00

I see in the comments you described yourself as a hoe in the past and had promiscuous sex.

For a woman who wasn't promiscuous in the past, RPW's advice is sound. A woman and man can take the time to learn about each other's bodies and gradually get better at sex and enjoy it. You have damaged your ability to enjoy sex with a normal man, which is why you now feel the need to make sex part of your vetting process.

One of the founders of TRP wrote a post about your situation recently. https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/j3mlf4/so_what_if_youve_had_a_lot_of_partners/

I don't say this to shame you or to preach at you. But you should not assume that the advice is bad and put off younger, impressionable girls, who are still looking for their one and only. Sex is NOT important unless you are promiscuous (or have been).

alpacaapril · 2020-10-11T11:49:48+00:00

If you can write a scientific journal about sexual compatibility you already slept with too many men compared to the average red pill minded women. If you have slept with 0 to a few men, you cannot come up with a general rule. And the mindset of a woman who slept with some dozens men cant speak for women, who were more careful or didnt engage with too many men.

Ms_Sommersby · 2020-10-07T09:19:29+00:00

'Boyfriend' isnt a serious commitment that you need to have sex before you decide to have one. Not sleeping with them isnt about how you feel. Its about how they will grow to feel about you and the connection you may prevent from happening. You are just cheating yourself.

EleanorBWaldorf · 2020-10-20T11:05:03+00:00

I think everyone knows what's best for themselves. But for me, sex is only after engagement or after marriage - but that doesn't mean the subject shouldn't be talked about or that preferences and compatibility shouldn't be discussed. I have only being with my husband, but before having sex, we talked extensively about it. If I'm with someone and considering sex, I would be totally open and honest and expect the same - any lies or omissions would be a deal breaker for me.

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