Almost married a LVM and I miss him, can y’all knock some sense into me?

ASeaOfQuotes · 2020-11-19T21:21:31+00:00

Honestly he did you a favor. There were a lot of mistakes made in this relationship, from the coffee dates, to the oral, the groping you like a piece of meat, too much information about your insecurities (giving him ammo). You are going to grow and learn from this experience. This is not at all the kind of man you want to marry. If he treated your best friend the way he treated you, would you think he was a good man for her? He showed he was low to no value again and again and you stayed because he knew you were insecure and used it against you to make your insecurities worse and make you think you can’t do better. That is not your fault, that is a man being a predator, a jack ass, a manipulator, a gaslighter, and a toxic person through and through. He used you, and took advantage of you.

Let me tell you, you are beautiful, you are worthy of love, patience, attention, romance, kindness, and empathy. You dodged a huge bullet. Now is the time to focus on you. Build yourself esteem up, focus on your career, put your loving heart to use on the person who actually deserves it; yourself. You’ve got this, you deserve better, and don’t ever let another man treat you the way he did.

NotSoSmartChick · 2020-11-19T21:29:38+00:00

Yeah, you miss the fake version of himself that he presented to you early on. It’s natural. You just can’t lose sight of the fact that it was not his true self. Much like if you’d fallen for a character in a movie, then found out the actor was nothing at all like that character. It’s always a letdown.

Saitschik · 2020-11-19T21:41:57+00:00

"He ended our relationship the day of our engagement publicly in front of my family. Saying he was never attracted to me, and that I looked different than my pictures when he met me 6 months ago, and thought he’d grow to like me but he couldn’t look at my face and see me as his wife."

Wait, what? What kind of shit show is that and he has the nerve to do this in front of your family?

Girl, imagine being married to a man like this. 100% a disrespectful cheater and I am sure after the weeding hell would break loose, let alone after having children with him.

It's true that the universe did you a HUGE favor, that guy is cringe. You will and can do better. It's normal to miss intimacy for awhile, even with a LVM, but you will get over it soon.

shoo_coworker · 2020-11-19T21:44:59+00:00

Oh god he sounds like a typical hypocritical Desi fuckboy. I've dated those kinds of guys before, and let me tell you that they bring absolutely nothing good to your life. They're just parasites and they keep you trapped in a cycle of wanting their approval because you're worried nobody will like you because of how Desi culture treats "damaged goods".

You're a much better person than he will ever be, because he's cruel and he used you for his own gain. He doesn't care about you beyond what you can do for him, and he put in the least amount of effort to get the most benefit, as LVM often do. Terrible parasite of a man, you're much better off without him! Consider it a bullet dodged!!

Ghost_namesake · 2020-11-19T21:54:12+00:00

If he's acting like this at the engagement stage, imagine what he would have done to you once you were stuck in a marriage!

Your acne is temporary. His ugly soul is permanent.

SuzyZeusHasACold · 2020-11-20T03:34:43+00:00

My two cents as someone who has gotten straight-up addicted (addickted? :D ) to LVMs in the past and have sometimes missed them after breakups even when they treated me AWFULLY:

You miss him because you're a good, caring, fully-rounded emotionally available human being who didn't just use him for sex or money or anything. You formed a real connection of care with him because that's an understandable reaction to spending a lot of time with someone, for a psychologically normal person who has a developed sense of empathy. You are not stupid or a bad person for giving your love to someone who was presenting a false self. Your ability to sincerely love and connect with other human beings is one of your many strengths.

It's a strength that he never had. He's so weak! And this time, you got hurt (because how the hell were you supposed to know your FIRST TIME seriously dating someone that this man was not what he seemed? No one is an expert at anything the first time they try something). But you know how to make meaningful connections with other humans and you now know to vet a little more carefully the next time you open up to a man. And I'm so excited for you to find that HVM you definitely deserve.

That ungrateful, bitter man will NEVER experience the joy of that kind of connection because he is so small and broken inside and so weak. He will only have relationships to people like he has relationships to a table, or a video game, or a lamp. Because people are objects to him. How sad and impoverished. What a terrible fate. To be so cowardly with your affection that you have to control the women in your orbit with lies and cruelty. He will never know the joy of real, reciprocated love and respect.

So when I miss people who never deserved my love I remind myself that I am feeling those feelings because I was strong and brave enough to let myself fully love another human being, take a chance on them, take a risk. Then I let the feelings pass through me, take a sip of my coffee, and breathe a sigh of relief that they're not dragging me down with their nonsense anymore. Whhhhhhheeeeeeew. Onward and upward, sister!

yesmme · 2020-11-19T21:46:10+00:00

The hypocrisy is where it becomes a turn off. Thankfully, there are Muslims who are on the same wavelength as you. It’s just a bit harder to find them (hint: they hang out with the intersectional feminist crowd)

KittenyCat5 · 2020-11-20T01:19:37+00:00

A guy that gropes you when you first start dating seems like the type of guy that doesn't believe marital rape is a thing. You are better than that. A guy that speaks negatively about your acne is probably going to point out and comment on every single compounding sign of natural aging etc. You are better than this 💚

Noemie_Mathilde · 2020-11-20T02:45:35+00:00

Hon, you did great getting away from this man!

Just think, if you had married him the treatment would have gotten way worse.

Stingy, didn't respect your boundaries, negging you, pushing you to compromise? 😷UGH. NO.

Keep your crown on Queen.

Keep busy, focus on you. Block him on every platform. Stay off social media. Take yourself on little dates, be kind to yourself. Work on that inner glow.

ladyyninjaa · 2020-11-19T23:58:33+00:00

Oral is a form of sex. He could've given you a disease!

SuitablePerformance3 · 2020-11-20T02:52:53+00:00

Girl, this man is horrifying. If you stayed he would have raped you and beaten you. He already assaulted you on your first date for fricks sake! And yes it is assault if you didn't want it, you didn't expect it or consent to it. And then he gaslighted you, demeaned you and made you compromise on things you said are important to you. Hell no, imagine being married to this scrote, it will be literal hell.

Title	Almost married a LVM and I miss him, can y’all knock some sense into me?
Author	mylifebelike-lol
Upvotes	69
Comments	11
Date	November 19, 2020 4:25 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/jx5ro5/almost_married_a_lvm_and_i_miss_him_can_yall/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/almost-married-a-lvm-and-i-miss-him-can-yall-knock.333699 https://theredarchive.com/post/333699

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