I met this girl 6 months ago, we will call her HorseRider. I met her because a friend of mine demanded that I come out and wingman him in the last minute. I was tempted with free drinks; I was sold when he said she was bringing her sister. I went out that night without any expectations. This girl was hot, like out of my boys league hot. Her sister, not so much, a little bit chubby for my taste. Ok, she wasn’t really that chubby but fuck you I have high standards. I don’t want to hook up with the sister, but made a promise to him so we headed out to [Local Bar] I spend way too much time there and I wing manned the shit out of him.
My friends and I are pretty obnoxious when we go out. You know us, we are that group that is so loud and obnoxious that our conversations seem to spill over into the rest of the bar. She seems pretty cool. She has a tattoo of a paw print with a horse head underneath it on the top of her spine and one of a rose on her ribcage, this along with striking red hair. She can match up to our wit and throw it back at us, can “keep up” with us drinking, and is generally enjoying herself. So I proceed to tell every story I know about my boy being god’s gift to humanity as well as the most charismatic guy I know all while making fun of HorseRider at every opportunity. Yeah, I lay it on thick; if you can’t handle an asshole don’t be friends with one.
Things are going well between my buddy and HorseRider so I bring her sister to the dance floor. Turns out she is pretty cool too. She had just enlisted in the army to pay for college +1 to my slut radar, so obviously any conversation about me being prior service was immediately off the table. I like that to be the kind of thing that just comes out rather than using it as a crutch but in this case the former officer in me didn’t want to be associated with it at all I tell her instead that she should be proud of herself for making that kind of commitment. She doesn’t seem to care, another deadbeat soldier joining the ranks +1 to my slut radar. Instead of continuing a conversation that will give me a conniption, I grab her hair and make out with her. She’s into it, put another notch in the belt my friends.
My buddy tells me that were leaving and going to HorseRiders house. We pile into the back of her tiny ass Mazda for the 5 minutes it takes to get there. I immediately walk PVT Slut up to the room she’s staying in and fuck her immediately. Good for me, but this story isn’t about PVT Slut, it’s about HorseRider.
My buddy wakes me up at 4, he couldn’t seal the deal and wants to leave. I get an Uber and leave. From what I understand about what happened, he ran into some stone cold LMR and couldn’t nail her. That’s the last we heard from her from that point on.
Fast forward 6 months
I’m sliding through Instagram and who pops up as a suggested friend I swear to god Facebook scares the shit out of me but, you guessed it, HorseRider. As I scroll through her pics she appears to be an artist and takes a lot of amateur model pics. How did he not hit that? Those kinds of girls usually give it up easily. Fuck it. I’ve never sent a DM before but there’s a first time for everything. The time was 9:05 PM:
TT - :P boo She knows me, got to have fun with it
HR – what is uppppppp
TT – Nothing im bored as shit
HR – me too… I worked forever today though. I feel like a loser for being so tired on a saturday night haha Female engagement is always a great sign
TT – lets join forces and awkwardly drink beer at [Other Local Bar] its late there’s no time for pussy footing around
HR – haha that sounds fun buuuuuuuut don’t you want to go to [Other Local Bar] with your friend He hasn’t tried to talk to this girl since that night 6 months ago and she is bringing it up? Obvious shit test.
TT – He won’t be coming Take the lead, take charge, be decisive, always.
HR – no I figured that. Oh good
TT – he’s out with his work friends Actually true, but I got the response I wanted so it is ok to let out some information
HR – since when does he hang out with work friends? Like this is probably a stupid question haha
TT – he doesn’t, but tonight he was invited by [redacted] and he cant say no to any girl ever Him talking about [redacted] when we all met up the first time is likely what brought on the LMR in the first place
HR – ooohhhh haha yea I think he really likes her, at least that’s what his Insta indicates
TT – me too but he has been too much of a pussy to put a label on it. Despite my constant advice to just go for it. Even when I’m throwing him under the bus I make him look good
HR – yeaaaaa… i know what you mean. If you were serious about [Other Local Bar] I’m down. I’m pretty broke but I don’t have to work until 6 tomorrow so I wouldn’t mind a couple drinks. Unless you were kidding. Then ill just feel like a dumbass I’m buying drinks, I better seal the deal to make this worth it
TT – ill buy you one round
HR – Alrighty im sold.
We agree to meet at the bar in 45 minutes. I check with my friend for his blessing and he says “Good luck with that piece of ice” that’s a real vote of confidence I meet up with her. She has changed her hair color to brown, I like it, and it looks more natural for her. I lead her to my usual area where I know the bartender PRO TIP: Make friends with a bartender, if you always sit by him/her, tip exceptionally well and have a positive relationship they will do wonders for you We order a couple beers and start talking.
I tell her that her hair looks better with its new color; she tells me she never noticed that my eyes were blue. I tell her that I don’t understand her art, she tells me she doesn’t either. I tell her that the only art I’m aware of is Olympic Weightlifting; she has no idea what I’m talking about. The conversation is going well, I give the signal to the bartender to not let any glass be more than half full.
I suggest we play darts. I like playing bar games because it’s an opportunity to get up, be active and an excuse to be physical. If your conversation is going well then she will let you teach her a thing or two about bar games. PRO TIP: Do not do this if she knows how to play
She is receptive to my touching her, she is vibing with me personality wise, it is time to take the girl home. I ask her how she got there and she says she walked Fuck my car, I’ll get it tomorrow I say I’ll walk her home.
Pause to review
I do this for a couple of reasons.
This puts me into the protector status. It’s dark, It’s cold, it is very masculine and dominant to protect your woman on something as simple as walking home at night, not to mention chivalrous and gentlemanly.
It removes a traditional spot for Last Minute Resistance. It is much harder for a girl to reject you at the door then if you’re in your car.
This will sober her up a little bit. I don’t know about you, but I like my girls to be a little active when we fuck.
It will sober you up. It gives you an escape valve if you suddenly come to your senses and realize you’re fucking a hambeast.
Back to the action
We are at her place and sitting on the floor with coffee. I play with her dog for a bit and we chit chat about bullshit when we get to the money question of the evening.
“So why are we here?”
This question is a challenge. She wants to fuck, you want to fuck, but neither of you want to outright say it. I always go for direct action and make out with her. After a few minutes she comes to her senses and says
“We’re not having sex tonight”
I remember this. This is the same thing that happened to my friend. This is the kind of girl that gets off on saying no, she must be, why be such a stone wall? I refuse to be a part of this. I smirk as I look her straight in the eyes.
“I know” Han Solo mode engaged
I get up and leave without another word. I’ll tell my friends she was a feminist cunt.
I’m just about back at my car when a txt lights up my phone:
HR – Why’d you leave
TT – You said you didn’t want to have sex, I’m respecting your boundaries Bitches love that word, respect
HR – Its just, you left so abruptly and I didn’t expect that
TT – I gotta get my car girl Leave room to pivot. It’s obvious she gets off on telling guys no, now that I have displayed my willingness to walk away her point of view has changed
HR – Well come back when you do youre too drunk to drive The preverbal deal is sealed
TT – On my way!
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