FR - Maintaining boundaries, always Look out for yourself first

TheDisillusionist · 2017-12-02T19:27:53+00:00

Only note I have on this one is the "women respect men with strong boundaries" thing is only slightly relevant to this, as the only woman that is keyed in to how serious you are in this story doesn't matter.

What matters more is that you respect yourself more when you are serious about boundaries.

Rhynovirus · 2017-12-03T03:39:23+00:00

Can confirm this behavior is typical in the post wall set.

I had a similar experience, with a similar convo. Met Bumble girl, saw each other maybe 5 or 6 times. F Close on date 3.

She says, when I text to confirm our evening plans: "TBH I'm not sure you're attracted to me and I've been seeing a few other people who I feel have a better connection"

Me "Ok, good luck. Had fun. :)"

Her, about 4 hours later: "OK look, I'm sorry I said that its just the way you've been acting is so confusing and I want to know where this is going."

Ignored.

Her 2 hours later: "Ok I know you're mad I just want something more serious"

A couple of things to consider here:

1) I was dumped. No takebacks.

2) She stated plainly that she was more interested in someone else. Either this was an attempt at manipulation or I was her backup plan. Test for the reader: What is the correct response to both of these shit tests?

3) Notice how her hamster makes it impossible for her to accept responsibility for her actions. She attempted to turn the situation back onto me.

If I had decided to go for her offer of something more serious I'm either 1) The guy she settled for, 2) Someone she knows she can manipulate or 3) Someone who does not hold her accountable. I'd be unconsciously programming her for a lifetime of shit tests.

Sorry baby, your D cups weren't that good. Plenty more where you came from.

unbecoming-the-drago · 2017-12-03T08:46:34+00:00

You should have used this as the moment to reinforce the boundaries. Relationships are not zero sum. If you explain to her what she did wrong and she changes as a result, you've moved that much closer to a healthy relationship with mutual respect. That's a short term victory for you and a mutual victory in the long term.

thereforeqed · 2017-12-03T01:22:57+00:00

The theory explanation here is nice but honestly for your specific case it seems like you just didn't really like her and dropped her when a convenient excuse came up.

yeahnahimgood · 2017-12-03T13:58:43+00:00

Sounds like she was checking your boundaries, you showed her the line, and she agreed to respect it.

Assuming this isn’t a recurrent thing, what’s wrong with returning to business as usual?

thepontiff_ · 2017-12-03T00:10:08+00:00

You have balls of steel and a very wise approach bro.

Back then the blue pill me would've replied back like a simp just for the sake of blindly following feelings

Had I known back then about what i know now I would've put my foot down more and handled those relationships with more confidence and boldness.

sleepkeeping · 2017-12-03T03:04:54+00:00

May not have gone the completely scorched earth approach myself, but your initial walk away was A+.

WestyWorld · 2017-12-02T21:43:30+00:00

Honestly I think it was too harsh. The girl definitely pushed her luck and you called her out on it which was appropriate but you can just treat her as a child and give her time out (no contact for a day or two) then basically act like nothing happened. Depends how much you liked the girl of course.

neveragain1988 · 2017-12-03T01:19:31+00:00

Amazing to see her backtrack like that , it’s clear she had no intention of ending it , was just shit testing you to see if She can make you a blue pill mangina who will chase her

Mescalean · 2017-12-03T10:00:53+00:00

Nothing wrong with walking away from easy pussy. I remember being younger and listening to my friends who would do anything for pussy. Then I stopped and actually started getting more and more. Then realized its all pretty much the same gushy thing.

Also you may realize this already. But watching them act like she did is priceless. Could have been way more entertaining than the actual fuck

moogle_googler · 2017-12-03T17:54:51+00:00

I love it when they do this. She feels she got you hooked, tested you, then found out otherwise. Sign of a possibe cluster b. I plate those and don't invest shit, make her invest. These girls can be a blast, just don't get hooked, they will suck your soul dry and leave you a shell of yourself. Better to next for most.

Trpogre · 2017-12-03T05:08:53+00:00

Definitely her drama was Soft Nextable behaviour for 3-5 days at most.

I think you are going to find that you will not find what you are looking for in your current state. Since AWALT when you had weaker frame.

Yes, you brought this on of your own choosing. Now you are Hard Nexting her because of some other reason that you did not share with us.

The fact that she pushed the relationship talk onto you, and you entertained it at the 2 month mark tells me that you were operating in her frame for more than you are willing to admit to yourself.

Frankly, you fucked up. Then you fucked up again like a sociopath for Hard Nexting her when really you brought her behavior upon yourself for acting too much like a boyfriend. This is normal female drama when you act like a boyfriend and could have set boundary with a 5-7 day Soft Next if you felt especially violated and wanted to make a very strong example.

enjoy_life88 · 2017-12-03T13:41:27+00:00

It's hard to walk away from guaranteed pussy

That's your fault as I see it.

Concluding from the scenario you posted, I see no real reason for a hard-next here. So you're either not really into her at all or you kept something from us.

Otherwise, a soft-next of 3-5 days should've been sufficient here. Then, an initiation of you like nothing ever happened ("Hey, wanna grab a coffee on Friday after work?"). She'd be super fun and happy when she shows up, plus being educated now that you soft-nexted her and she should now the deal for a while.

Free pussy again.

TRPDigesting · 2017-12-02T20:51:40+00:00

Love the line in the sand approach. The old me, shit - maybe even the present me - may have caved in after a few of those texts. Still more to put into practice.

Vlagos · 2017-12-03T19:34:02+00:00

But what would be the situation if you met her for example in the street ?

akatsukirp · 2017-12-03T20:33:34+00:00

One thing to note for those of you saying: "why not just use this as an opportunity to reinforce boundaries and then go back to business as usual". The issue I see is she already brought up kids. I wouldn't continue fucking this woman after that. She may try to me lock me down with a "I'm pregnant".

Andgelyo · 2017-12-03T23:28:02+00:00

** “That sounds like a great idea, take care”** lmao I’m stealing that

IamLeinad · 2017-12-02T17:06:25+00:00

So you just stopped plating her? What do you do next from here?

Angrysshark · 2017-12-02T20:59:04+00:00

What the fuck. Do we not care about people's emotions?

OversizedFish · 2017-12-03T01:49:21+00:00

This post does exemplify the value in willing to walk away, however in this specific case it is just an excuse for a dump. Every girl is hard wired to try to emotionally manipulate you when they want more, it’s simply their nature.

As you advance in your journey, plates will try this ALL the time. It really just depends in you and what you’re looking for.

It seems OP was NOT willing to even deal with the slightest bit of manipulation for fear of him sliding into an LTR.

Earlier in the post he says that he “Would like to continue dating but if it wasn’t an option he would get off the bus”

HOWEVER: OP, did not even try to plate appropriately and stand up for his values and go for what he wanted, he simply Hard Nexted the girl at the first sign of emotional resistance AFTER stonewalling her, which is fine if you’re not interested, but OP’s post clearly indicates he was.

kaane · 2017-12-03T06:03:26+00:00

I don’t get how this FR is related to the boundries. OK OP, please don’t take this personally, but this looks like a mental masturbation to me.

First, boundry is not something that you have to build like a wall and defend at all costs. Your self respect and your preferences draw these boundries by itself. You respect yourself that you don’t tolerate a woman run over you ? There is your boundies. You like lifting and don’t skip a workout just to meet a woman ? There is the boundry.

And about this woman, it is easy to play this game to a postwall who you don’t care about. Next time try to dump a HB9, and than come back.

I am not trying to bash you. Just speaking my mind. This is how it looks from here

Title	FR - Maintaining boundaries, always Look out for yourself first
Author	epictetus_irl
Upvotes	137
Comments	52
Date	December 2, 2017 4:58 PM UTC (8 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/TheRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/7h3qa9/fr_maintaining_boundaries_always_look_out_for/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/TheRedPill/fr-maintaining-boundaries-always-look-out-for.47510 https://theredarchive.com/post/47510

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