Business failed, no income, wife left me, alone, no friends, no family, don't know what to do

alpha_n3rd · 2015-02-27T15:09:38+00:00

What happened to the business? If you're a web dev you shouldn't have any problem finding work right now. The market for devs is heating up.

Would do anything just to have a woman who loved me cuddle with me and tell me it's going to be ok.

You mean your mom?

[deleted] · 2015-02-27T15:11:00+00:00

You're going to have to reinvent yourself. Set a new purpose in life, get over the bad shit. As far as what you're supposed to do; only you know that. For now, here is my advice:

I'm 30, 31 soon. Good shape, great hygiene, yes I lift.

Good, you're in your SMV prime. Monk Mode and create a new you. Make sure to read the /r/theredpill sidebar. Digest all that shit; then, move to books. Start with Meditations by Marcus Aurelius and move to recommended books by TRP.

Business failed, income is low. I guess I can survive alone at poverty levels living in the middle of no where keeping my expenses really low. Worked for myself for past 10 years. Now don't know what to do (had an internet freelance business, had a few web devs working under me).

You're going to have to get a job, unless you could consult for previous clients. I ran my consulting business part-time alongside with my full time job. It seems like you've got some skill, put that to good use for someone else, for now. Get that income back up and try going back on your own.

In short; you're going to have to Man up. Shit happens that is out of your control, the only way to improve the current situation is how you bounce back.

Good luck.

Not_now_baitin · 2015-02-27T15:33:22+00:00

Start over! Your situation is shared by some of the most successful people who have ever lived. And pathetic failures we've never heard of. The difference is some never gave up, while others did. Life is worth living, and living well is a worthy cause.

Your business failing, wife leaving, crying daily. These things don't make you a failure. Giving up on life at the young age of 30 will. I hope you take this message to heart.

Stayinghereforreal · 2015-02-27T15:57:21+00:00

If— BY RUDYARD KIPLING

If you can keep your head when all about you

Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,

If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,

But make allowance for their doubting too;

If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,

Or being lied about, don’t deal in lies,

Or being hated, don’t give way to hating,

And yet don’t look too good, nor talk too wise:

If you can dream—and not make dreams your master;

If you can think—and not make thoughts your aim;

If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster

And treat those two impostors just the same;

If you can bear to hear the truth you’ve spoken

Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,

Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,

And stoop and build ’em up with worn-out tools:

If you can make one heap of all your winnings

And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,

And lose, and start again at your beginnings

And never breathe a word about your loss;

If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew

To serve your turn long after they are gone,

And so hold on when there is nothing in you

Except the Will which says to them: ‘Hold on!’

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,

Or walk with Kings—nor lose the common touch,

If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,

If all men count with you, but none too much;

If you can fill the unforgiving minute

With sixty seconds’ worth of distance run,

Yours is the Earth and everything that’s in it,

And—which is more—you’ll be a Man, my son!

[deleted] · 2015-02-27T15:26:28+00:00

It happened to me, at 40. Lost a chain of businesses, wife left, family home foreclosed, filed for Ch. 7 bankruptcy. I started working in a warehouse because that's who would hire me. I had to make a positive decision not to kill myself, every single day.

Post divorce, I'm still working in that warehouse. I'm in great shape, and I have some security in life. I'm 46 now, and things are looking up. You'll get through it.

PM me if you want to talk about it.

Ermgotthis · 2015-02-27T18:56:48+00:00

Man up, brother, it's gonna be okay. You're feeling down, it's perfectly normal, and you ran to the good people when that happens : not your wife, not your mother, but your fathers and brothers.

You've got a lot of experience in SysAdmin and Dev, 10 years is a LOT, and organisation value experience over degrees, so don't worrie about that.

Get yourself a job, even if it's not something great, just get yourself something you can get your head into, occupy your day with, and cope with the break up. Keep lifting, just keep doing your things. Things get better as long as you don't give up. Promess yourself you won't give up, and fight for yourself.

The next couple months will be tough, hard, and you might cry, alone, at dark. It's okay. It's how your brain gets herself purged from your wife. She left you because she doesn't think you deserve her ? Too bad for her. Accept it, say fuck off, and get yourself back on top.

You've got everything you need to live a great life and fuck a bunch of hotties, you just have to get yourself by the balls, and go for it.

One or two years from now, your wife will be crawling at you trying to get back the great man you'll have become, and you'll tell her to fuck up. You'll give her the words a fine woman once said :

"If you can't handle me at my worst, you don't deserve me at my best"

SeeWhatIDidThere

favours_of_the_moon · 2015-02-27T16:08:44+00:00

You're OUT dude. Congratulations.

Now, start rebuilding.

HS-Thompson · 2015-02-27T19:03:12+00:00

Happened to me too except I was 40. I had a perfect successful life and I blew it.

First I spent a bunch of time in denial getting mad at everyone and fucking up all my personal and family relationships and using and selling drugs and blowing through what money I had left while fucking probably 100-150 women until I eventually got thrown in jail.

Then I got my shit together and decided to stop feeling sorry for myself, starting lifting and exercising and living healthy, avoiding people and situations that were negative to me, and putting my life back together brick by brick.

It's been about 3 years and there's still a lot of work to do. The first year or two was literally miserable, severe depression every day, difficulty trying to do even the most basic shit. But I decided to work on becoming mentally and physically tough one small incremental step at a time.

I'm still not done yet, but I'm basically happy. And more calm and well adjusted than I have ever been. Though I can't honestly say I would do it all over again if I had the choice, I can say honestly that I'm a far better person now than I was before due to the struggle and loss and refocusing of my life.

It's going to suck for you. A lot, for a lot longer than it should. The trick to it is there is no trick to it. Stop beating yourself up and let yourself cry or be miserable or unhappy or whatever, since you don't have much choice in the matter either way.

But be a man, by learning how to separate what you feel from what you do. You might feel horrible and depressed daily and out of control, but if you get up and do one incremental thing, or take one positive step towards the life you want to lead, then things will improve.

Arnox · 2015-02-27T16:37:11+00:00

Cry it out for a few days, feel sorry for yourself, say that life isn't fair, it sucks, it hurts, you wish you could go back, etc. etc.

Then man up. Seriously: man up. You're a white, able-bodied male that's adventurous, capable and willing. You don't get to fuck around, because there are billions of people that would love to be in your position.

Pick yourself up, dust down and move on. Our greatest victory isn't in never falling, but in rising every time we fall.

beware_the_syllogism · 2015-02-27T15:20:21+00:00

You're still young, take care of yourself, which you do. Keep doing that. Moisturize your face, stay hydrated.

Wife left: hopefully she won't divorce rape you. You can focus on yourself and not worry about her. You don't have to consult her on anything, worry about making her happy, all that. She can't take assets you don't have, hopefully you won't be slapped with back pay.

I feel you on the income thing. r/frugal.

You might have to take a job, or part time job, and reinvent yourself. Going through something similar, and it sucks. My peers are going out, driving cars in the 60k range, getting sweet condos, hitting up Eros. Not me but I'm not tied to those things or have to worry about sustaining them. I don't know what your strengths/weaknesses are but you can start another business while working part time/full time if that job doesn't sap you.

Only you can reinvent yourself. Take a step back, ask yourself what you want, what you are proficient at, and realistically move towards that vision. It will take dedication and sacrifice-stay the course. Everything worth doing gets harder but the joy and energy should start to sustain you again.

Best of luck.

AFPJ · 2015-02-27T22:02:11+00:00

Let's put this in perspective, shall we? You're approaching your prime, newly single and got away from a marriage unscathed by divorce rape - you have start-up experience and admin experience making you a perfect shoe-in for management positions or mid-level developer positions. You telling me that all the people who used to work for you and all your past clients disappeared without a trace? You have some sort of a professional network - leverage it.

Finding a 80K+ remote job should not be hard. Do that, move to Mexico and live like a god until you're back on your feet with savings. Maybe buy a house in Mexico... they're cheap even in American speaking gated communities.

Plus, you're in good shape - get to slaying to distract yourself. Go to the gym and talk to people. Make new friends. Make good friends. Relocate if you have to. It's all perspective man. Most guys who are 30 are NOT in shape, have debt and have either been raped for life by divorce or are about to be raped for life by divorce: you got off easy.

Objectively speaking, you're in a much better position than most other men your age.

How you mindfuck yourself into being positive and get out of your slump is up to you.

[deleted] · 2015-02-27T21:56:40+00:00

[permanently deleted]

conspirized · 2015-02-27T15:14:51+00:00

Dude, the first step is to stop feeling sorry for yourself and look at the positive. There is no one and nothing holding you down. If I were in your situation my first thing to do would be snag a job in a completely different state, if not a completely different country, and start a completely new life with the intention of enjoying it to the fullest. Most jobs that will hire a developer will even offer some extra cash on the side to help you move to their location.

You're only 30 years old. Stop moping about what you used to have and start looking forward to the shit you're free to do with the rest of your life.

thisatestaccounta · 2015-02-27T15:35:59+00:00

Would do anything just to have a woman who loved me cuddle with me and tell me it's going to be ok. Call your mother. Because that is the only woman who is going to do that. I don't mean to be harsh, just trying to tell you what is plausible.

What you need to feel better again is goals.

If you are unhappy with your financial situation: Find a job. You seem as if you have some experience in web dev and managing. Try to find some place to work that look for this skills.

Then you need friends and a hobby. And you actually need to start meditating to get over your depression and all those feelings that fuck you up. The goal of meditation should not be to turn your head off, but to accept your situation and forgive. Most of all yourself for what happened. Because all this feelings are going to eat you up. And there will be little to no energy left to accomplish things. Accepting is a thing that takes time and needs constant effort. At the beginning it will take more effort that it will produce. But after some time you'll get back on your feet and will be able to focus again and to look forward to the challenges of life.

Archery is a thing that might bring you friends, is a hobby and is a meditationg action. I suggest this book: http://www.amazon.de/Zen-Art-Archery-Eugen-Herrigel/dp/0375705090/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1425049593&sr=8-1&keywords=zen+archery

I'm only 23, but I had a fucked up childhood. By the time I was 20 I've been in a closed institution because I tried to kill myself. I was just so sad. Every inch of my beeing felt so very sad. I had no friends, no goals, nothing to be proud of. I thought: "Man I'm 20, I would have loved to go to school but my parents had to make this poor choises. I don't have friends because I am so ashamed of myself, so anxious, so ankwand. I don't have nothing by now, why should I live. Every guy or girl I know is getting supported by theyr family and I have to work so hard for nothing. Why beeing alive?"

And then I started meditating. I've read to not try to shut your brain down, but just sit there and concentrate on one thing. Breathing for example. My mind got distracted constatly. But I've read to just accept every thought you have, do not judge your thoughts, just accept them and bring back your concentration to the breating. Repeat this for 20 minutes. What happed is that I just accepted that I have all this feelings and whatever happend to me. It didn't go away. But it wasn't affecting me so much as I kept meditating. After a few days I didn't felt so bad anymore and actually had some more energy to invest in improving myself.

Just a few years after, I have a Job, a LTR and a few friends. I do archery, play djembe and lurk around the woods alot.

I would have never imagined that life could turn around. Now having fallen so low, I have so much way up... where most people feel bad, I feel quite comfortable. People perceive me as stoic and mystic. But the most important part. I (had to do)/did it myself. And that is the fucking key.

Be a human, it's ok to feel bad for what happend. Be a man, and don't let your human emotion keep you from live. Be a legend, your legend. Be the shiny glorious fighter that picked you up and put you back on your feet.

You have a difficult path from where you at. But think of this: You have thrown yourself under a load of shit. You're eating shit right now. Everywhere you look is shit. You're at the lowest point of your life. But now that you know how bad things can taste, just think about how good a apple can taste. Accept that your situation and do constant work to get out of that pile and climb that apple tree to get those tasty apples.

I hope that helps somehow. There are people out there that go though a situation like you. There people that feel the same as you.

[deleted] · 2015-02-27T15:47:15+00:00

Sounds like a perfect opportunity to chase a dream you never got to in the past.

Think about it, no attachments

[deleted] · 2015-02-27T16:15:37+00:00

Men don't reach their peak until 40 or later. You've got 10 more years to get your shit together and the best way to do it is to always be busy; lifting, work, reading, out meeting new people and possible friends, etc.

MrMontage · 2015-02-27T18:22:34+00:00

27 here, so I can't speak in terms of aged wisdom, but I will say this.

The bottom points of life can be extremely liberating and exhilarating if you let them. Your old world has been burned to the ground, and now you must choose to live in those ruins or leave them behind. You are in a position to totally reinvent your life because you no longer have one. You're currently a failure, but there are valuable lessons in failure that you can use as you rebuild.

And as you build always remember it can all come crashing down in an instant. You never really "have" anything because everything breaks, everything falls apart no matter what. Remember that as you rebuild, everything is temporary.

nnikolaki · 2015-02-27T18:28:13+00:00

Dude, with your experience in web development, and having owned your own business, it shouldn't be hard to find good paying job, even in management. There are a lot of people out there with less than half of your credentials making it work. You'll be crushing it in no time, you just need to decide to hop back on the saddle and start taking the necessary steps to move forward.

gxslim · 2015-02-27T18:41:12+00:00

To quote don Corleone, you can start by being a man

[deleted] · 2015-02-27T18:48:06+00:00

First of all, keep your head up. Pain is temporary and you're young. This is a great opportunity to start over and build a better life for yourself. You had the balls and drive to start a business, so you have what it takes.

Lesson learned though: never, ever, ever link your happiness to a woman. You will be disappointed every time.

rptastic · 2015-02-27T20:19:25+00:00

Yes, your current situation seems shitty. In essence, your world has fallen apart. Believe me, there are plenty of people here who have been through similar or worse.

Right now you can't see the forest for the trees. Things to do to get out of your current situation:

Assess your strengths Figure out your game plan Execute

It really is that simple. When you get to #3, go back to #1 and start over.

More specifically - you have marketable skills that are in demand right now. Make use of the opportunity.

If you're in the middle of nowhere, your woman-options are going to be limited and you're likely to end up in a bad situation since right now you just want the companionship. Look for dev jobs in the big metro areas - SF, NY, Austin, Seattle, Portland. Those are all more expensive than where you're living now, but you really do need to reinvent yourself, and the best place to do it is in a big city.

Figure out how to spin your resume to highlight everything you've done for the last 10 years and turn it into an asset. You can get hired by someone.

Move and don't look back. Get a tiny cheap apartment and go out and explore your new world. Make friends, find hobbies, do things that you can't do in the middle of nowhere. This will keep you preoccupied, make you a more interesting person, and will necessarily put you in contact with women.

Don't get oneitis for the first girl who pays attention to you after this. You're particularly vulnerable to falling for a woman's charms right now and can be snapped up by one as she looks for a BB, especially once you get established. If you do that, then you'll be back here in 2021 with the same story.

One of the best things you can do to combat being sad and lonely is to make a plan and start executing.

Action is your friend right now.

Realize that your plan is not going to come together overnight. Make slow steady progress towards your goal and track it so that you can see that you're getting closer to escaping.

[deleted] · 2015-02-27T20:23:39+00:00

You're not happy being alone.

Learn to be happy being alone.

Ochreata · 2015-02-27T22:34:52+00:00

Which boxer would you ask to train you, one that has never yet taken a hit or one that has taken many yet never stays down? Scars are a man's battle trophies my friend, get up and keep moving.

pupplenupple · 2015-02-28T12:45:34+00:00

Finalise everything financial/legal with your ex. If she's the one with the income right now and you aren't asking for anything in the way of support or settlement then you'll probably be able to persuade her to pay all the costs of filing, getting things fixed up so both of you can go your own way. Try not to hate her. Her dreams went to hell too. If you can avoid being bitter about your ex it goes a long way towards staying sane and stable and not falling into victim mentality after a breakup.

Get yourself into accomodation that is cheap and you can leave quickly, renting a room in a share house without being on the lease sounds about right. If you've got a lot of possessions then sell up anything that is hard to move and you aren't going to be using regularly right now. Its all just going to remind you of her and that era of your life so purge purge purge.

You should have contacts from your business days, put the word out through them you are looking for work and are willing to shift to get it. Look for and apply for work.

If you seem well stuck, give serious consideration to taking a job in oil or mining or working on a fishing boat... there are plenty of jobs that will let you get a little money behind you and give you new experiences to help you put yourself back together again.

[deleted] · 2015-02-28T13:33:52+00:00

You've gotten a lot of responses here and that's wonderful but I believe I'm the only woman to reply in here so I may have a different insight. When I was 18 I dated someone your age in a very similar situation, I didn't care that this man wasn't making millions or living in a mansion I was so taken by the fact that a 30 year old thought I was special and wanted me around. This is the "advantage" you can plunder like a goddamn pirate, younger women will think you're cool and successful simply because of your age. You don't need anything else to impress them and to them you're this wonderful mature man who is actually valuing them by showing interest. Of course this is just my limited input from experience but I would say most younger women between 18 - 23 would die to impress you no matter what your circumstances are for what it's worth.

Merwebb · 2015-03-01T04:57:54+00:00

Take a hobby, like origami or calligraphy or whatever other cheap one you can find.
Excercise.
learn to eat healthy.
read the book of five rings at least 3 times.
Learn another language.
practice and activity you feel you suck. Improve at it.

What i want to say is, improve yourself. Your world is a reflection of yourself. Cant do it? Fake it till you make it. It works pal, it does. And relax, enjoy the trip.

kingzmoke · 2015-07-08T20:37:49+00:00

how is it going ? did things get better ?

lemoncakesaregross · 2015-02-27T15:07:27+00:00

Start another business

FunAndFreedom · 2015-02-27T19:36:47+00:00

Shut the fuck up you pussy. You are in your prime years, you are a fucking AMERICAN, and if what you say is true, you are in great physical shape. You are going to be fine.

I've been in your shoes, I cried like a baby over some girl leaving me. I would tell myself the same exact thing I'm telling you right now. You feel bad because you tied your self worth to a woman and a business. But that is YOUR CHOICE to tie your self worth there.

Now look, you might not ever be a successful businessman, or maybe you will be, but neither has any baring on weather or not you are happy. You just need to have a stable income in a vibrant area to be happy. Anything beyond that is just for your ego.

Don't live "in the middle of nowhere" unless you are looking for a place to die. Seriously, get to NYC, Cambridge, the West Coast, or even abroad. There is an energy that takes over when you live in a great area. Shitty flyover country will do nothing but sap every ounce of your life force.

If you want any help with visas, traveling, relocating, or living abroad you can reply here or PM me. Or you can curl up in a ball in die if you want because you're heartbroken over an American whore, that would be comical to me if I didn't recognize you were a real person.

wifeletmeatage30 · 2015-02-27T15:58:34+00:00

Ever think about joining the military? Fresh start, travel, develop a relationship with like minded men that will last a lifetime.

Title	Business failed, no income, wife left me, alone, no friends, no family, don't know what to do
Author	wifeletmeatage30
Upvotes	32
Comments	53
Date	February 27, 2015 2:54 PM UTC (11 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/2xcta7/business_failed_no_income_wife_left_me_alone_no/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/business-failed-no-income-wife-left-me-alone-no.53 https://theredarchive.com/post/53

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