tl;dr: setup tinder again after a month of not using it. different photos make previous women that turned me down/don't even remember talking to me give up the digits. also, 9's and 10's are time vampires.

Before someone chimes in with "online dating is all about looks" I want to get that out of the way and say, "yes" I completely agree. The following experiment proves it.

So I started using tinder recently to see what all the hype was about. A girlfriend of mine said, "you'd be really popular on there." so I let her make me an account one afternoon and I honestly didn't give much though to my photos I used. I had a few of me hiking, one on the motorcycle, one in the hammock somewhere cool and one of the dog. I'm not Chad. I'm thin, but not overly fit. Strong attractive facial features but my body looks more like a larger Lance Armstrong vs Perseus after cutting the head off Medusa.

So, we start swiping. I honestly said, "just do whatever you want" and let my friend swipe girls for a few minutes and wasn't even looking at the women she was selecting. After about 20 minutes I started getting matches. Most of these women were the outdoorsy/hippie kind of women. Attractive, but obviously not high maintenance. I went on a few dates, had a couple come straight to the house for a "drink". The few that agreed to come straight to the house I've turned into plates. I actually enjoy my time with them and they ask for nothing from me. They do what I ask them to do when they come over. Be it, cook, clean, sex, you name it. Overall a great experience with the results I had.

I went dark on Tinder then came back with new photos. One outdoorsy picture, but then others in my suit (I work in an office), and overall just looking fly af. This is when I started understanding the dynamic of how this works.

Two things happened.

  1. Almost immediately the quality of woman I was matching with went up exponentially to the image I was projecting with my new photos. However, this was not without some consequence. These women proved to be so much more hassle. I feel like most 9's and 10's are just time vampires.

  2. Women that had previously matched me, chatted with me, and even given me their number but then dropped off were now instantly matching me again and chatting with me in an entirely new way. Setting up a date with them was much easier. It was laughable at how some of them didn't even realize I had obtained their number before.

More thoughts on #1. These more "entitled" women also have higher expectations for how they should be treated on dates. Let's take a meal/drink date for example. HB8 Plate 1 we had lunch and SHE suggested we split the bill before I even had an opportunity to ask the waitress.

Fast forward a few weeks. I meet HB9 for drinks and when the check comes she totally did a fake reach into her purse while she watched me. Just waiting to see if I was going to pick up the check. She didn't think I noticed, but I pay attention (you should too). I paid the measly $5 for her drink and went on my way mentally scratching her off the list.

HB9 pursues me and date two commences: we chat and she actually says during the conversation, "I'm an independent woman and I don't need anything from a man." "I don't need or want a man to pay for me ever." So, I decide to push her theory when the bill arrives. I say, "So, are we splitting this?" The look on her face was priceless. Long story short when I went to setup date 3 she asked if she needed to bring her credit card. At which point I hard next her and cut contact.

More thoughts on #2. Some of these women were total bitches to me 1st time around. 2nd time around they see a higher value male and want to open their legs in the hopes I'll swoop down and become their beta provider. I feel like this is one of the drawbacks to projecting the image that you are successful and accomplished online.

Woman Logic: Attractive male + nice suit = he probably has money, a good job, and can support me and the kids I want before I hit the wall.

You now have to deal with gold digging whores wasting your time. Weed these women out on date #1 and do not waste your valuable time. Low investment date combined with not paying for shit. If they stick around after that I'll give them a second shot.

Here is the takeaway if you haven't figured it out already. If you don't have Chad's body and couldn't kill a bear with your hands and If you are going to make an attempt at adding online dating to your other forms of meeting and picking up women, then you need to spend time on your appearance and photos. I had professional photographer friends shoot me one day after work while we were all just hanging out and shooting the shit. These photos are miles beyond what any cell phone camera can produce and I can even use some of them for things like LinkedIn and business cards.