Just a disclaimer: I just needed to get the poison out and confess here as a form of therapy and I hope I am not alone in this.

I've been a MGTOW monk for over 3 years now. I've followed Stardusk, TFL, Colttaine, Bar, among many others. I know all about hypergamy, and even went so far as to read Robert Briffault's The Mothers, where Briffault's Law originated from. I've been very vocal and upfront about being MGTOW to nearly everyone in my life. And yet, I nearly contradicted and undermined the integrity of these red pill values.

It happened slowly. Which I think is where the danger lies. It's easy enough to ignore and dismiss women day by day, especially if you consciously refrain from making an effort to build relations with them. Most women, as you are all aware, have at least 3-5 thirsty beta male orbiters to appease their attention. Unless you are of incredibly good looks, and more importantly, of high socioeconomic status, the possibility of anything just falling in your lap is minimal. The problem is, she and I work together.

I didn't even try, but working as bank tellers side by side in a slow branch left a lot of time for conversations to spontaneously happen. I had my usual defenses up, but she bypassed them by taking a keen interest in ways I was never prepared for. She was interested in discussing politics, economics - social and behavioral sciences in general - all subjects that I read about everyday, and that frankly, are subjects most women avoid. Over months, little by little I gradually became more fond of her and began looking forward to more conversations. I shared with her Briffault's Law. It intrigued her and she agreed, and even excitedly shared it with all her friends. I told her that this, among other ideas I have been learning, is why I rejected the biological imperative, am against marriage, and never intend to date again. Her response was that I was fascinating and that she wants to keep me in her life forever. She told me that she admires me and loves the way I carry myself. It felt good feeling understood and being given this positive attention, and consequently, my defenses eroded as the months went by.

It started with her asking for my email. Then texting and facebook. Soon the basis of our friendship transformed from discussing and sharing ideas to me playing psychologist to her drama issues that are largely a byproduct of the deficiencies in her own character and the character of those surrounding her. Although she has good family values, she often makes very poor decisions, which should have been a red flag. And yet, the blue pill programming resurfaced, usurped my red pill infrastructure, and sought to justify all of her flaws and the betrayal of my values by sedating me with lust and male mother need. Soon I even started having visions of dating her and having a LTR and beyond! Before I knew it we are scheduled to see a movie this Wednesday. It hasn't been explicitly addressed as a date. But it was her idea. And believe me, this is clearly moving in that direction.

About an hour ago I just snapped out of it. It's as if the red pill cybersecurity system rebooted and is currently sifting through my neural files to eliminate the remaining traces of blue pill malware. I'm going to cancel. And when I do, I can return to the MGTOW goals of self-determination, liberty, autonomy, and financial freedom with no more detours. But before I do, I just wanted to share my experience as both a warning and a testament to the internal battles we all face day by day. Even for those that still do date, it's a continual struggle between our rationality and the primordial instincts that threaten to endanger our livelihood towards poor decisions. I'm disappointed in myself though and it stings a little bit. Thanks for reading brothers and I hope all is well in your own struggles, especially the internal ones.