In the spirit of the recent rule update, how do you change yourself/your actions to support your man when he is going through tough times?

KateCoger · 2018-05-24T05:01:34+00:00

I either leave him alone, which after ten years I can tell when it's just better to leave him alone. Or if he needs me, physical affection. I don't SAY anything, I will just sit and give him a back scratch or a backrub and just physically BE THERE and do something that destresses him. He wears glasses that dig into his temples and sometimes I'll just take his glasses off and rub the sides of his temples. I will make him comfort food and not say anything when he eats it at his desk working on something.

puffpuffpastries · 2018-05-24T01:33:56+00:00

I try to stay on the background and focus on... putting a charm over his life? Idk how else to say it, but I'll run his shoulders, place items he'll need near him if it's a work thing, pour him a beer, coffee or water, make sure he eats if he's upset or busy, set the ac down because he gets hot, especially when he's upset and whatever else to make things as amenable as possible to his mood and problem.

Other than that I try not to be too talkative, but will be very sympathetic when he vents about the problem. I try to resist the urge to offer advice and instead try to just give him emotional support.

RainbowKitty77 · 2018-05-24T02:37:57+00:00

I give my man space. That works the best for him.

organicsunshine · 2018-05-23T21:36:52+00:00

Women do have the tendency to try to fix the problems and often overcorrect by being to sweet and distracting in their efforts, which demeans the issue at hand. I think your comment to your husband is great.

With my husband, I tend to just be patient, when he wants to talk or brainstorm, then we will. I know he respects my input and if he wants it, he will ask. Asking "Can I do anything to help?" never backfires. Taking efforts to reduce external stress, no small problems, prioritizing his time and attention helps. Fortunately, my husband is a "deal with it headon, right now", kind of guy when it comes to most things. Right now I know he is going through a tough situation out of both of our control. I know when and how to step in and help and am doing so, but sometimes men just need space to work things out. Gutpunches and setbacks hurt all humans. Patience is my tool.

aussiedollface · 2018-05-23T22:03:08+00:00

My mum always taught me that when your husband is stressed with work etc, the first most important rule is to not do anything to add anymore stress. So I try put off conversations about things that aren’t important and can wait, I don’t offload my own problems on him, and I try take care of everything so that when he gets home he doesn’t have extra stresses to deal with. In terms of adding positivity, if he wants to talk about work and vent to me then I listen, if I sense that he doesn’t want to talk about I then I respect that and don’t push it. I also cook him his favourite foods and drinks etc xo

WalnutFeline · 2018-05-23T22:35:23+00:00

Our relationship is quite young (about 6 months in) I'm still figuring out how to be the most supportive during his tough times. He has to study a lot in the coming weeks because of his exams. I'm usually quite cuddly, chatty and affectionate around him, which he likes a lot. But I also noticed that when he's stressed he sends me less text messages and that typical "man stares into space and is lost in thought" facial expression appears a lot more.

I asked him to tell me when he needs his alone time during that period (or later, doesn't matter) and that it's completely ok with me when he needs an evening with friends. But I'm there for him, if he needs me.

For others, this may not seem like something big but to me (still a bit insecure because of a terrible betrayal in my past relationship) it is a huge step. Not to think that he doesn't love me anymore when he's busy in his thoughts and not as affectionate as usual. Until now, it works well :)

I also listen to him very attentive, when he talks about his day or his problems. My man is quite the "silent, stoic guy" but with a gentle heart and when he talks about something, it's always important to him (or mostly, to us).

IncelGolem · 2018-05-27T23:49:46+00:00

Provide a constant supply of sex, and pretend you enjoy it.

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