Struggling with Finding Committed Friends

Flockofpuppies · 2018-08-12T13:19:05+00:00

You don't sound fun.

I don't mean getting drunk at the club dressed like a hooker every weekend fun. I mean being delighted with the world, seeing humor in small situations, enjoying stupid movies as well as serious literature, finding joy in sunsets and puppies and being secure enough in yourself that you don't judge women who are different from you.

Be fun. Seriousness and stoicism are for men. Girls are full of light and joy.

SaNightS · 2018-08-12T11:42:48+00:00

You are not alone in this. There are new people to be friend's when we change, our friend's list change to. Is all about like attract like and if there are mutual interests is easy to be with someone like this. Go and talk to people. Get to know them and work on your self. Be happy girl. Do what make you happy :)

Wolfssenger · 2018-08-12T17:06:21+00:00

I can tell you how I've been making friends, however the way that men and women socialize is nearly fundamentally different, so you cant just copypasta it. I'll do my best to identify those parts which I think differ.

Be helpful/offer help

I'm currently finishing up my education in Computer Science. A lot of people struggle in the field; as such, I offer free tutoring to everyone in my classes. Furthermore, whenever someone indicates a situation where I could reasonably be of use I offer to help however I can. Of course it is an incovenience, but it also causes people to see you as generous, appreciate and respect you. However, be careful not to be taken advantage of/walked on.

M to F difference: Be careful about doing this to men too much as a woman(especially if you want to pursue them), it can be emasculating.

Learn to tell stories

I mentioned this in another thread, but there js an art to good storytelling. This is rooted in the fact that what matters in a story is not the content but the emotion infused in it. Infusing emotive depictions of emotion into your stories will make them much more captivating, anf enables you to talk about literally anything and keep interest to some degree. This ties into more things later.

Be Honest

I've made it a point to have nothing to hide in my life, however I know this is not something everyone is willing to do. Regardless, you should be willing to be honest and open up about yourself. It doesn't have to be with complete strangers, but after a conversation or two, you definitely should. This is because you're essentially taking the first step in progressing the friendship, which is necessary in a world where people are increasingly antisocial and unwilling to do so themselves. Storytelling comes into play here, as good storytelling can turn a mundane interruption of your morning routine into a funny and relatable experience.

Don't underestimate other's intellectual capability

You can delve into some intellectual topics, but it matters how you articulate them. Make them concise and palatable. Specifically when it comes to history, there are a plethora of stories to tell to captivate an audience. You can tell of Khosrau's utter memeing on Justinian after the breach of the border treaty, the heroic victory by Yi Sun Sin at the battle of Myeongyang, or Lyndon B Johnson's obsession with "Jumbo"(his own penis). As long as you can speak well, you can at least touch on your interests without boring your audience.

Learn to joke and be jocular

Humor is pretty much the most reliable way to get people to like you. Try to instill a jocular tone and look for opportunities for humor. It takes practice, but one can learn to be funny, as I did.

M to F difference: humor, while enjoyed and employed by all, is typcially more male. It's normally a male role to take control of the direction of the conversation and instill humor. My only suggestion would be not to be overbearing in the conversation, and allow others to crack jokes as well.

That's about all I can be bothered to write. Hope it helps.

Edit: For some God-forsaken reason all the numbers show as 1.

yungshmoneygal · 2018-08-12T18:40:57+00:00

I’m currently at college right now (in quite a liberal state) and I found many like-minded friends through chance! My childhood friends are blue-pilled and some are cc riders, and even though I would never throw away our nearly decade-long friendship, I kind of knew in my gut I wasn’t trying to be best friends with people who were so different from me in college.

I ended up meeting a few of my closer friends, two well-raised and interesting women, through random assignment rooming and sitting next to one of them in class. I met the rest of my friends through clubs and orgs at my school. I’m quite shy when it comes to meeting men but quite the opposite when it comes to women. It’s easy for me to strike up a conversation with any girl around me and I usually do. By genuinely trying to get to know a lot of the people around you, you find that a good chunk of women are suitable mates. I kind of think of it as abundance mentality for friends- if you’re a fun and caring friend, you’ll attract a big number of people who you can then screen and pick to see who you want closer to you!

This may be unconventional to RP standards, but I also don’t cut off someone from my friend group just because their values don’t completely align with mine. They may have differences politically or be super blue-pilled, but that doesn’t mean that I can’t keep them as an aquaintance who I’ll meet up with every once in a while. I think it’s worthwhile to hear every side’s opinions to keep myself open-minded, and I’m confident in my will-power to not be peer pressured into doing anything I don’t want to do. Even though I know people who ride the CC or party way too much, I’ve never been sucked into that lifestyle nor have I felt any pressure to! I’ve noticed that people generally respect your boundaries if you’re confident in them yourself.

kittxxn · 2018-08-12T13:16:21+00:00

I had a similar experience in college. While I did find friends, I always felt like there was a certain wall I couldn’t break through with many female friends, and most guys at college were only interested in one thing. I think a lot of it has to do with maturity, you seem like a woman in an environment of people very different than you - sorority sisters etc.

You are graduating soon, which I think you should be heavily looking forward to. You will be going from a space of 18-22yo heavily liberal people to the “real world” in which there are many more conservative and religious people of many ages, assuming you don’t stay in academia.

One thing that helped me was joining conservative political groups on campus. The people tended to be exceptionally intelligent because it takes a lot to pursue learning opportunities about conservatism and libertarianism when professors are only teaching one ideology, they also were very much socially conservative and accepted traditional gender role discussions and critique of feminism. I found a wonderful community, and several of my best friends in many years.

My school also had church groups on campus! I never went, but I had friends involved and there were quite a few closeted Christians on my campus that all cared for and supported each other.

Don’t expect 95% of people on campus to understand you or want to be your friend. You’re conservative (at least socially), religious, and on RPW. You’re not exactly the mainstream. It takes tremendous courage to be yourself in an environment like that.

Your people are out there, and you might not find them until you graduate and start working. Until then, try to find peace just being with yourself. I spent my entire freshman year living alone without a single friend in a new city. I was lonely, but really found myself that year.

Good luck, you can always message me.

RozaHathaway · 2018-08-18T13:31:07+00:00

I agree with the rest of the posters, as you mature and interests change in life so will your social circle. I find it harder to make friends as an adult then I did as a kid. However, I found a wonderful group through a sporting activity (which is an interest of mine). My advice is to seek out places or events that are of interest to you and you will meet people.

TheLaughingRhino · 2018-08-12T15:45:15+00:00

Join group activities.

Things like hiking or biking or rock climbing. Something physical where you can get exercise. Attrition/hardship/challenges in a group setting bonds the group. Will help you meet people and will help you vet better because you'll see a full range of people in context.

Couple of things

A) In general, people will assess your value to them and how they can use your or not for their own benefit. If they can't find a use for you, they don't want to deal with you.

B) In general, this is specific to women, nearly all women see other women as competition or forms of open validation. An example of open validation is when you see 3-4 women become friends over socializing while eating, because all are heavy. When one tries to lose weight, the others nip at her and shame her and so on, to stay in the group. In this regard, I feel sorry for most women when it comes to friendship, because my observation and experience is most women despise each other.

In general, if we are talking Western culture, and specifically American culture, part of the problem is most people are socialized to be entitled narcissists. Many have poor social skills ( staring into their phone) When Americans travel around the world, lots of non Americans hate them. This isn't just about political ideology, it's just that lots of Americans are basically a bunch of assholes. And when they travel, they turn up the setting to full blast. It's also a generational thing. Millennials are exposed to more, but I often question the maturity of most of them. Most were raised in broken homes and bombarded by the entertainment media that said it's cool to be a whore or a douchebag as long as you have the right clothes or can hit a jumpshot in a high school game.

If you can, try to travel the US and the world a little. You might find a certain type of place or culture fits you better. And abroad, you'll find other places not much like the American Me First/Me Always cesspool.

One thing that can help is Dale Carnegies view to talk to everyone. All the time. If they don't engage you, engage them. The trick to this is it's practice. So when you meet a person you find is cool, you have a basis/skill set developed to build a relationship/friendship. Since you are a woman, I'd restrict it to older people and other women to start. Cold approaching men in general might not be the best thing in the world right now.

I'll be really honest in that other than childhood friendships, I really don't know how the modern woman can really make true friends. Most women just seem to have temporary short term alliances to try to get some kind of resource from someone.

Group activities
Travel abroad a little when you can
Travel around the US a little when you can
Read a little Dale Carnegie ( How To Win Friends and Influence People book)

When one is 21, the world is both big and small at the same time. What you lack in experience, you have in spades in opportunity. Try to see it that way.

Good luck.

WieldyRelic7676 · 2018-08-13T06:43:11+00:00

I think you and I are nearly the same, to a scary level. And I know what it's like to push people away for just being yourself.

I have a honest question though how did you get interested in History? And what made you go to get a major in it?

Title	Struggling with Finding Committed Friends
Author	AnAmericanAdvocate
Upvotes	16
Comments	18
Date	August 12, 2018 4:54 AM UTC (7 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/96muwz/struggling_with_finding_committed_friends/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/struggling-with-finding-committed-friends.67528 https://theredarchive.com/post/67528

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