How can you have a healthy marriage as a woman who knows she's not attractive?

yoyo01323 · 2018-12-23T00:18:46+00:00

This is bullshit. Divorce him. He’s being outright disrespectful and shredding your confidence. Doesn’t matter what you look like physically, I’m sure you’re beautiful in some way. And don’t deserve such treatment. Leave.

And don’t listen to some idiot who says you should get to know your partner and get sexy. No. For women, most things are mental and emotional. Sex being among them. If we aren’t comfortable with sex then we won’t want to do it; he’s not doing his job as a husband to even get sex from you. Leave him girl. There’s something for everybody and this ain’t it.

thatbadlarry · 2018-12-22T22:31:22+00:00

Wow, so no one comments on how he’s ripping her confidence to shreds and then telling her “she should have more self esteem?” Cause that’s a massive red flag. Yes unattractive women can have happy marriages but it really helps to have a husband that isn’t openly flirting with other women and trying to lock down a younger woman.

If your husband wasn’t behaving like that my advice would be to focus on the things that you’re really really good at and remember that our looks fade anyway.

[deleted] · 2018-12-22T22:50:22+00:00

I would save money, get the necessary surgeries and promptly divorce. Terrible man. Red pill women has some good advice but the advice is only relevant if you are with someone worth the effort.

crater01 · 2018-12-23T06:47:40+00:00

I would save up money, get my sh*t fixed (teeth, whatever other feature you don't like), and divorce him. Actually, I would probably divorce him first and then get whatever I needed done. The fact he says he won't leave you but is interested in polygamy is so weird - he doesn't want to cheat on you, so he wants you to be on board with him (and I guess you by default) hooking up with/having a relationship with another woman. I HIGHLY doubt that would help you feel any better at all about yourself. The example this sort of marriage would be for your son might be detrimental for him as well. Although you and your husband are compatible in most ways, he'd probably see how unfulfilling and honestly sort of unhealthy the marriage is. You deserve a lot better OP :/

Rpwthrow600 · 2018-12-23T04:47:03+00:00

I am just wondering about where polygamy is legal and typically practiced but openly flirting between genders is socially acceptable while in public...most cultures that allow polygamy would frown pretty hard on this behavior from what I understand. Often times those cultures are heavily patriarchal and women who engage in public flirting would be frowned upon on a good day and worse on a normal one. If you are also living in a culture where this is the common practice, I have to wonder why it catches you so off guard that your husband would be seeking a second, younger wife. Are you a Westerner who relocated? I have a hard time believing that a woman living in a country where polygamy is the cultural norm would be on this forum wondering why her husband wants to be polygamous. I would imagine a woman raised in this culture would expect that her husband might seek multiple wives even if she was beautiful. If you really are from one of those countries then divorce probably is not a viable life choice. But, this reads more like you might be in a Western country married to a man who is Muslim or something and trying to practice informal polygamy in the West (a practice I know some engage in). Help us put the pieces of this puzzle together a little better because parts of this story don't entirely make sense...

Rare_Iron · 2018-12-25T13:33:23+00:00

From the way you described your husband, I don't think that he actually can find an attractive and young girl who will agree to be a second wife. He doesn't sound like someone who is successful with women.

I think the issue is how he treats you just by saying those things and how it makes you feel.

I think that you need to talk to him and explain that his words hurt you a lot. And explain that you would really like him to find you attractive and it's important to you. Maybe then he will be more willing to pay for those surgeries.

Otherwise I'd find some way to get money to pay for the surgery. Do it for you, not just for some man to find you attractive.

Overall, see if you can get him to be a better husband and see if you can be happy that way. If you can't be happy then I'd definitely get surgery and w/e else and get a divorce.

bejay86 · 2018-12-23T03:18:41+00:00

I haven’t commented on here before but feel so compelled to with your post, so please forgive me if I’m not following the right protocols.

The red pill is NOT an excuse to be a jerk to your partner. From my way of looking at it, it is a tool that supports men to rediscover the primitive nature of how men and women interact. It doesn’t work for everyone, and it can be taken too far by both sexes.

If your following TRP because you want to (not because you have to) there are a few things to remember. Yes, sometimes as a wife we need to STFU, and we need to understand the wants and needs of our men. We need to understand the requirements of a sexual relationship and how different it is for a man. And yes, we should do what we can to be the best version of ourselves, but I would argue that 99% of the women on here are not super models. We are normal women trying to do the best with what we have. And we expect the same from the men. I’m sure your not married to George Clooney nor do you expect him to be.

It sounds like your husband has gone crazy trying to play the dread game. There are some great articles on dread that I have read but I can’t find the links to (maybe someone else could help?). Dread isn’t supposed to be used to make you feel like you don’t deserve to be happy. It is tool used by men to remind us of what we have and what we could lose, and it can be a bit of fun if done the right way. Please don’t be mistaken into thinking that your husband can treat you so shit and blame it on red pill. He is just being a jerk.

My advise, focus on you. As you have said, we are stuck with what we are born with. So focus on being healthy, exercise, eat right, get a nice hair cut, find clothes that suit you, wear nice makeup if it works on you. Don’t nag over the silly things, let him be a captain if he knows how to. Be the best version of you. Because there is nothing more attractive that someone who cares about themselves.

And if your husband still wants to go off and sleep with younger women fine. You’ve done what you can- and his distraction is nothing to do with you, and is all to do with him. You can’t change that.

I’m sorry he has made you feel like this and hope it gets better.

IlluminatedElf · 2019-01-01T17:38:17+00:00

Self-esteem relies as much on your environment as it does on yourself. You can't improve your self-esteem with a non-supportive environment; that would only be possible if you're delusional.

RP values are a great rule of thumb for relationships but still falls back on the fundamental values of decency, reciprocity of kindness, etc. Once things breach those values, then it starts resembling a toxic and abusive relationship.

RP just elaborates that things do not always work the way women/men might think they work, based on the current sociopolitical climate.

I am familiar with polygamy values and one of the important things in polygamy is the consent of the first wife; I think you need to be firm with your views on this to him, given that it affects you, your relationship with him, and your child greatly. It is one of the few times I would consider an ultimatum given how much things have escalated.

LauryAnne123 · 2018-12-23T15:39:04+00:00

Are you sure that the issue is that you're not attractive? From your post , it seems that what bothers your husband is that you're not interested in sex and that you have low self-esteem. Both things are whithin your control.

If a woman is otherwise healthy and takes care of herself, her involuntary unattractiveness might be endearing to a man because it shows her vulnerability. And your husband has already psychologically accepted the way you look when he married you. Do you still look as good as when you married him? Are you doing the best you can to take care of yourself?

Flirting with younger women is one thing. Taking on a second wife is something else. How easy would it be for him to find a woman who'll accept to be a second wife? Also, look up the frequency of polygamy in your country, so that you'll have a clear idea of how likely it is that it will happen to you.

HarshaCity · 2018-12-23T20:18:32+00:00

You are 30 with a child and you live in a traditional country. I assume that you already know if you divorce, people will automatically blame you for it and think that you are insufferable. There's a very good chance that you will not get married again. I think it's better to be with an overall okay husband who's a bit of a jerk sometimes than to put yourself in that situation.

I think that the thing that is making you anxious is the possibility that he's going to marry a younger and more beautiful woman and then proceed to forget about you. This could very well be the actual result. But it could be not, you can be valued for things other than your looks. If the worst happens, it's not the end, you can still hold up, get up, and do your best for yourself, your child and whatever is right.

Good luck.

ManguZa · 2018-12-22T21:57:27+00:00

If you feel that you're not attrative enough you should compensate that with more enthusiasm and love expressivity.

InsiderT · 2018-12-22T22:53:35+00:00

I’m a man. Married. Two kids. So take my advice accordingly. You should try and figure out for yourself what might help make you enjoy sex. It sounds like your fear of losing your husband is raising your guard even when the two of you are intimate. It’s understandable but detrimental. Your husband is initiating sex so take advantage of that. Explore your sexuality with him when he initiates. Being attractive is not the same as being sexy, in fact it’s not even a requirement, it’s just a boost in the right direction. You can be sexy without being attractive but you’ll have to work at it. I’m not talking just make up and clothes, those are only masks that can help you be more comfortable when you unleash primal instincts. I’m talking about knowing what gets you off and sharing that with your husband to enhance both of your pleasures from each other’s company. Put on makeup and wear sexy outfits, but don’t focus on appearance, focus on sexuality. Starting with with sex is easy in that it’s physical, you know the basics already, and there are a lot of suggestions out there for you to explore with your husband. It’s also hard because of your insecurities. Don’t let your head get in the way of your marriage.

honorocagan · 2018-12-22T21:45:12+00:00

You should change your attitude. You’re into him, so go enjoy that. If you bring enthusiasm and love to your sex you could see a change in him. Own it and embrace it. Treat him well because you want him to be happy and stick around.

Title	How can you have a healthy marriage as a woman who knows she's not attractive?
Author	Rpwthrow600
Upvotes	26
Comments	31
Date	December 22, 2018 8:18 PM UTC (7 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/a8o2jf/how_can_you_have_a_healthy_marriage_as_a_woman/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/how-can-you-have-a-healthy-marriage-as-a-woman-who.67997 https://theredarchive.com/post/67997

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