Having kids with HVM’s

raiu86 · 2020-03-04T18:16:08+00:00

Firstly, he is/was a fully functional independent adult. He managed his money wisely, kept his apartment clean, cooked his meals at home, took care of his car and other belongings, and did his own kin-keeping (you know, regular phone calls, Christmas gifts for nibblings, etc).

Secondly he was able to take care of living things other than himself. In his case a pair of tabby cats. Again, he showed he could do all the work: vet visits were timely, good diet, clean kitty box, pet sitter arrangements made as needed.

I read that back and, fuck, the bar really is on the floor. But there it is: he can fully care for himself and then some. That, and he's just a sweetie with a lot of patience. I think it's also worth mentioning that he was somewhat ambivalent about kids, which sounds bad, but I think a guy being too excited about offspring says he has no clue what having kids really means. My husband isn't a "fun dad", but he does the work that matters. He wakes up at night to comfort the sick toddler, washes the vomit soaked bed linens, bathes the kids every night, dresses the big one for school, you know, the actual work of raising children.

miz_nyc · 2020-03-04T14:03:41+00:00

My hubs is a great father to our daughter and my adult son from a previous relationship. How I knew he would be a good dad was from seeing how patient he was with me and my son. He really listened whenever I had something to say. For instance, when we first moved in together (before marriage!) I complained about him leaving the toilet seat up. Once I said that to him that seat has NEVER been left up again even after nearly 20 years together.

A few other small things I noticed about him early on in our relationship was his apartment at that time. His place was clean, well decorated and fully stocked kitchen! He wasn't prone to anger and he was always helpful when it came to the little things like picking up the laundry, cooking dinner nightly because my job had long hours. He's dependable, we all know that we can count on him.

Once we had our daughter (she's 15 now) he's been the best father I have ever seen in my life. For him I think he looks at our kids as his greatest achievement in life, even my son considers him as his father.

blackopium777 · 2020-03-04T15:40:55+00:00

My husband "raised" his niece. He was 11 when she was born and since he was the youngest, he was back home earlier from school than the rest, so he "babysat" her for 3-4 hours EVERY SINGLE WEEKDAY. When he talks about her, he sounds more like a proud big brother, than an uncle. Also every single niece and nephew love to play with him. They are always happy to see him. I knew that he was going to be a great father right away.

antiquack · 2020-03-04T13:14:13+00:00

I can't speak about kids with HVM, but I will say pay attention to how they are with pets, particularly dogs. Do they invest in training and follow through at home? Are they consistent with enforcing behavior expectations? When they say "no" do they mean it, or say it 10 times and then give in? Do they seek expert opinion when needed? Follow through with regular vet care? Do they invest in quality food and make sure it gets the exercise/grooming/attention it needs? This is the best advice I ever got (too late unfortunately.) In retrospect the parenting style should have been obvious.

Fitncurly · 2020-03-04T14:50:07+00:00

He loved his dog, very much. He loved his family very much, and talked about how he wanted to be like his grandad (who stepped up to help raise him along with his grandma), and he didn’t understand how men could run away from their kids. He talked about how his grandparents instilled an old-school mentality into him about working hard and providing for a family. He was always a hard worker and ambitious, from the minimum wage up to the current 6 figs.

He talked about how he wanted to be a father and wanted children. He never denigrated mothers, especially single mothers. He always understood the hard-work and struggle they went through, as he comes from one of the poorest and most crime-ridden parts of the nation. Those things painted a good picture, and in combination with other things (like caring about my reproductive health) I felt safe to carry and birth his children. I knew he wouldn’t leave me/us, and his old school elders would’ve torn him a new one if he did.

subprincessthrway · 2020-03-04T19:04:50+00:00

I don’t have kids yet (I had to have my tubes tied for medical reasons,) but in thinking about whether or not my current partner is marriage material, his fitness as a potential father was very important to me. He has two younger brothers, one of whom is autistic, and he is incredibly nurturing with them. He lovingly talks about brushing his moms hair when she was pregnant. When the boys were babies, he was frequently the one to change their diapers, and the one they went to when they were scared at night. He is extremely reliable at showing up for the hard stuff, like cleaning up dog vomit, and caring for my elderly mother. Also, I have the security of knowing that if god forbid he passed away his father and brothers would 100% take care of me and any children we may have.

ladyyninjaa · 2020-03-04T14:32:43+00:00

I'd say be careful because some ppl value their belongings more than another human being.

2020-03-04T20:13:37+00:00

Thank you this is my question... Commenting to bump

not_your_guru · 2020-04-25T22:48:32+00:00

I am currently with a LVM (I know, I know...). I wanted to warn you that a man can seem like a good father from the outside but actually be a terrible parent. When I first met him he played the part of the poor single dad abandoned by his ex (she did abandon her kids... Possibly to run from his abuse).

I swooned like an idiot at the thought that he was doing it all on his own. It turns out he doesn't pay attention to his kids, they're plugged into roblox all day. He yells at them constantly for just, being kids. Keeps getting pets and doesn't train/care for them properly, then complains that he has no luck with pets. Basically, everything is always someone else's fault with him. He never takes responsibility.

So yeah, just beware.

Title	Having kids with HVM’s
Author	Kekekeke7777
Upvotes	65
Comments	18
Date	March 4, 2020 12:50 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/fdcjj7/having_kids_with_hvms/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/having-kids-with-hvms.680940 https://theredarchive.com/post/680940

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