Empathy

AyemHerself · 2020-02-01T00:01:46+00:00

Because you're a good human with a functional heart, and he is not. He used that against you.

Feel whatever you feel, acknowledge your guilt, and realize you don't have to do anything about it.

2020-02-01T00:26:06+00:00

They’re just less empathetic than women and that’s a fact. There’s a reason why most serial killers and pedophiles are men. You are under no obligation to give him any or let him take your power/energy

Bovvsette · 2020-02-01T00:33:02+00:00

Whenever your empathy is working against you, remember: you are NOT RESPONSIBLE for anyone's happiness, ESPECIALLY if it is never reciprocated.

venomous_g · 2020-02-01T01:03:34+00:00

Realize that his current bad situation has nothing to do with you and everything to do with his own poor decision making. He doesn't deserve your empathy.

Oh, and if you have any proof about that pedophilia, take it to the cops. They often don't do shit about domestic abusers, but if a man is abusing kids they'll probably do some actual police work.

siberiansummer · 2020-02-01T00:35:01+00:00

Because it’s ingrained in us since birth. I’m also very empathetic. Very. I’ve been through so many toxic relationships with people because of it, it’s disgusting. Build up your thick skin. Stop yourself. Even when you feel bad. When it’s damaging you you need to withdraw. It’s only healthy. Protect yourself, because no one else will. That’s how sarcasm is built (that’s an overspill) 😏

letsberealforamoment · 2020-02-01T01:49:26+00:00

It's your socialization as a woman. Putting everyone needs in front of your own.

It's ok have that feeling. Just don't let it dictate the choices you make. So stick it to the fuckface!

7_0f_9 · 2020-02-01T01:50:32+00:00

You feel guilty because you're a normal human being who doesn't like to hurt others. But don't blame yourself. View it as him facing consequences that he needs to face.

jewdy09 · 2020-02-01T01:27:37+00:00

Because you are a good person.

Don’t worry about him, he will figure it out. He always does.

Amelania · 2020-02-01T02:33:12+00:00

I can relate to this feeling of guilt, so incredibly much. It was the most difficult part for me to overcome. You're a good person who is able to empathize and be kind, and you don't want to cause anyone pain or stress. These are not flaws, we just have to redirect that energy to ourselves.

I stayed in a terrible relationship that made me miserable, because of that feeling. I don't have any magic words of advice, but believe me when I say you can overcome this.

In my last relationship, there was a moment where he said something so hurtful, using a medical condition I was experiencing at the time, to wish pain, misery and humiliation on me. That moment stuck with me, and still does. Anytime I have felt any kind of remorse or guilt about him, those words and the look of pure hatred on his face while he spat that at me, immediately comes to mind. Something snapped in me in that moment and I have never looked back.

AntiCircles · 2020-02-01T02:58:08+00:00

He deserves what justice you deal

YveisGrey · 2020-02-01T05:46:47+00:00

And I wouldn’t call this true empathy. Many times women experience these things due to romantic feelings. In the pickmeisha state you confuse generosity, empathy, and love for what is really just not having boundaries and low self esteem. You think you “love” these trashy men because you have low self esteem because I’m telling you if you had self respect and esteem you wouldn’t feel bad.

ghygdryhchmmmmjj · 2020-02-01T04:24:23+00:00

It's normal for empathetic people to want to empathize. It's ok. And me and you are different. And different things work for different people, but I'll tell you what I do. I try feeling bad for his former and future victim instead. Anytime I start feeling bad for this sociopath I had a thing with I stop and go "wait, he's still out there somewhere. ... he has a new victim who is suffering who I cant save, and n addition many furtre victims he will abuse. I'm going to always think of them and their struggles first. That is where my emotional energy belongs. Anytime I have ever done this, feeling any empathy towards him becomes awkward, uncomfortable, stupid feeling. I literally cannot look at myself in the mirror thinking about his current and past victims and take myself seriously feeling bad for him. Could I look at his latest victim in the eye on the day of her discard and watch her fall the ground sobbing and go "oh but dont you feel bad for him?" . No. I would scoop her up in my arms and hold her while she sobbed and screamed. Or... even perhaps more chilling to me, because it's more realistic to me in my experiences, I often think of my past self. I think of the me of 2 years ago curled up in bed unable to move, my skin and joints hurting from depression, tears streaming silently down my face for hours. No. Dopamine. To be awake unbearable. When I'm feeling a bit bad about how his friends have rightfully turned on him, I walk in the room to my broken past self, rip out my head phones neal down and say: "keep going, keep yourself alive, you will get this past this. Sleep as much as need, work can wait for your life to continue. I've got you're back. Yiu are in the right. I'll never forget what he did to you and it will never be ok." That past me was kept alive not by strength I had at the time (because I had none) but by the hope that my "brain would get better". I didnt know what it all meant at the time but with trauma therapy, lots of reading, and lots of healing later, and more recently many unfulfilling relationships.... I'm better now. And I will never ever go back into that room and tell past self to feel sorry for that evil man. I could not do that. Way too cruel. Empathy for self? I don't know if this is making sense but when I put myself in the shoes of me in my darkest place i just cabt shef a tear for the man. I didnt go through all the struggles of where I am now to feel sorry for the person who put me there. If his future victims are too far removed think of yourself at different times. This is using your empathetic powers for the right people.

YveisGrey · 2020-02-01T05:44:05+00:00

Who cares? Realize that in life you have to do things that don’t always feel good or even right. You can leave him where you dropped him off even if you feel bad about it. What really matters are your actions not how you feel about it, you’ll get over it feelings are fickle like that.

TwinPeakMayor · 2020-02-01T08:32:25+00:00

he is unempathetic and that it is why the FDS is so imperative. women need to weed these guys out and literally make the world a better place. men certainly aren't doing it.

Title	Empathy
Author	logician01
Upvotes	64
Comments	15
Date	January 31, 2020 11:59 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/ewxgpo/empathy/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/empathy.683575 https://theredarchive.com/post/683575

Comments