[Discussion] How do you protect from this?

honestgoing · 2020-01-23T05:47:49+00:00

This is probably my biggest fear in relationships, outside of cheating.

Being fed a temporary relationship with someone who doesn't intend to actually stay in a relationship, but uses a relationship mainly for sex until they get bored.

Whether a man is attractive or unattractive, he can have the same mentality - he gets more sex from pretending to be in long term relationship when he has no intention of that progressing to marriage, and when he's not genuinely in it.

You can prevent yourself from being used for sex immediately by sticking to a waiting period. But what if they're intentionally playing a longer game because it's easiest to get sex, and fully intend on leaving when they just get bored?

jojosbabymoms · 2020-01-23T05:55:09+00:00

This is exactly why I’m so scared to catch feelings for anyone ever again; I’ve had this happen to me and it’s the most gut wrenching feeling ever, sent me into my deepest depression ever because he rubbed it in my face that i wasn’t good enough for him and was fucking other girls and TELLING ME ABOUT IT. My god men disgust me at this point when i see posts like this

nosynobody · 2020-01-23T07:59:08+00:00

Unfortunately there is no foolproof way. Trust your instincts, stick to the three month rule, get to know him as a person. If you still get betrayed move on, it's always on the cheater not on the victim. We shouldn't internalize the blame for shitty people and psychopaths.

honestgoing · 2020-01-23T06:42:27+00:00

Men have always played these games. You defend yourself and your happiness by not making it so easy for them to play this game.

If he plays you after you've done your damnest, mazel tov. But at least you tried.

janeaustenfan99 · 2020-01-23T14:41:19+00:00

I have been going through this same thing myself. I think this "beta/BF game" is worse than guys who straight up let you know that it's only going to be casual (which only hot guys can tend to get away with).

The only thing I know to do is to wait. Hold out on having sex. They probably won't stick around past the fourth date once they realize pretending to want to exclusively date you, or faking being your boyfriend, isn't getting them the desired results. However, it still kind of hurts when they're gone. I'm still trying to figure out how to get past this but for now I'm on a break.

honestgoing · 2020-01-23T05:52:03+00:00

[deleted]

NoThisIs-Patrick · 2020-01-23T07:10:59+00:00

And this is why I'm only going to date men who pay big bucks for matchmakers when I am looking for marriage.

quaintlyspoken · 2020-01-23T16:33:29+00:00

Spend his money. 💁 He can play this game all he wants but I'm atill going to get his bag.

Make him put in effort. Keep it top tier like you are the only woman in the world because that's how he should be pursuing you anyways.

Don't have sex til 3-6 months dating.

Probe his mind ladies. He may think he's bullet proof but he's not. When you map a man's entire psyche it will tell itself. If he doesn't like extended, deep amd intellectual conversations (aka you getting to know the real him) thrn next.

Meet his family and his friends. Get to know them really well. Get to know him through them.

Timeline. 6 months if a good amount of time for a HVM to propose imo. An engagement can be broken at any time. The wedding month should be set thereafter and the both of you should be participating in planning.

Illustrious_Drive · 2020-01-23T20:08:12+00:00

I’d say, let him chase you and don’t make it easy for him at all.

Make him prove himself over a really long period of time consistently before you start to invest.

Look at his family and how close he is to them (i.e. do his parents love and appreciate each other?)

Don’t put up with a lack of effort in the relationship, and always talk about YOUR goals for marriage (in a general sense).

Title	[Discussion] How do you protect from this?
Author	honestgoing
Upvotes	22
Comments	24
Date	January 23, 2020 5:31 AM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/esoot0/discussion_how_do_you_protect_from_this/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/discussion-how-do-you-protect-from-this.684207 https://theredarchive.com/post/684207

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