Why do you NOT use online dating?

psychsense · 2020-01-04T17:21:11+00:00

Because the men using OLD are lazy and entitled. They feel like they should be able to order a woman from an app like uber eats and she’ll be delivered right to their doorstep. They don’t know how to start or hold a conversation or plan a date. They just put in zero- little effort into every aspect of dating.

Because they’re liars. A lot of men are bigger catfish than women. They are usually 50lbs heavier than their pictures or they look nothing like how they portrayed themselves to be. They don’t just lie about their pictures they lie about a LOT. Their jobs, ex-wives, children, past drug addictions- everything. Those are just some examples of ones I’ve encountered.

Because they are playing a game. They aren’t looking for a partner- they are looking for as many women they can fuck as possible. They claim that one will come along and change their mind but they’re just trying to determine which one will put up with the most bullshit from them.

levelupcleverup · 2020-01-04T17:26:23+00:00

Because, ironically, OLD appears to make almost all of its (male) users both lazier and bold. Lazy in that they do very little post-match, and appear to be angling for sex for as little investment as possible. Bold in that they will be straight up about wanting sex right away and will relate sexually/overly familiarly very early on.

drragonbones · 2020-01-04T17:36:22+00:00

I've never used it. I'm scared to. I know that everyone is on it and even though I'm an overly cautious and risk aware person (thanks life experience and Gavin De Becker), I still feel scared at meeting creeps/psychos/you name it.

I will say though that I have generally not found men to be any better offline. To lots of men women in a bar, coffee shop etc, it's just another catalogue for them to browse through and feel it's ok to approach you with bad pick up lines and filth. Met plenty of bad men through friends, work and 'traditional' places. Found out men that I thought I could trust are only after one thing, either from me or friends. So I basically just trust no bitch.

Ms_Tilly · 2020-01-04T17:56:51+00:00

I use OLD very seldomly. Maybe once or twice a year. I'm usually off in less than two weeks because it really is garbage and the 99% low value men on there run me off. My friends feel the same way. I found a fwb on there five years ago who isn't a terrible person at all, but he's certainly self centered and very low value. We didn't sleep together for very long before I cut it off. I found an abusive guy on there that I dated for a long 1.5 yrs. I stayed so long as a way to avoid my roommate ex. We were stuck in a lease and he paid all the rent.

The guys I meet in real life are also garbage, so I'm kind of getting resigned to being single for life. I'm not all that bothered by the thought.

OP--I keep my one social media outlet on private lockdown. I have no others because I'm just not interested in IG, SC, or Twitter. Perhaps it is my age-39. I don't care if strangers online find me interesting or funny. I only care about the people in my circle. I'm not comfortable with strange men being able to know my business. It sounds like a solid plan, but just isn't for me at all. The guy friends I pick up through activities and other friends will like my posts and pics constantly, but none of them make an effort to message me or make a move in any form. I am finding this to be the new guy normal. They all want to sit back and wait for women to pick them and even if we try to do that, they show no extra effort to make that something worthwhile for us to do. I've tried approaching men a lot and it is never worth it for me.

Noteatingforoneweek · 2020-01-04T21:21:41+00:00

A lot of them just want sex

penelopekitty · 2020-01-04T18:16:18+00:00

After my divorce 10 years ago I vowed to not use OLD.

My reasons:

I'm an educated and professionally successful woman
I'm financially stable
I'm conventionally attractive and socially adept

In other words, I'm a great catch - I shouldn't have to meet men that way. My personal qualities alone speak for themselves. I have friends, hobbies and interests and surely I would come across a good man just living my life.

I dated two men who I knew IRL. We had many common acquaintances and colleagues. One turned out to be a bona fide sociopath who had hurt many women around town (this info was kept from me by my 'friends" until after I became another one of his victims.) The other man, extremely wealthy and successful and admired by many people turned out to be a severe alcoholic and cocaine addict and became very cruel in short order, a classic Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. Both of these men owned and built their businesses and looked great on paper. After those two there were a few others I met IRL who weren't quite as horrible as those two but also really shitty people.

After two years of NOT meeting any good or kind men in person I decided to give OLD a chance. I have also met some real jerks there. However, the majority of my online dates have been not great but at least benign and sometimes humorous. In fact I think OLD is safer in many ways because I am more cautious dating a complete stranger than someone I (as it turned out falsely) believed to have been vetted by friends and family.

Another thing - those guys I met IRL. You know what? Every single one of them are online too. All of them. I've seen them there. If you really think, as some of these commenters do, that a man has more respect for you because he met you IRL and not online you a lying to yourself about the nature of men.

Also, if you are older, no longer in school and most of your friends are married with families you do not have nearly the chance to meet men IRL as you would think. As a single, older woman I rarely if ever go out to clubs and bars. Being a barfly looks cheap, much worse than having a carefully put together online profile.

We are not the problem. Men are the problem. They will be disgusting predators no matter how they find you. Do you want to end up with a man who feels disdain for women he met online even though he was more than willing to be online himself and even use and abuse the women he met there? Are you somehow better than those women? You are not.

lyricthesecond · 2020-01-04T17:27:24+00:00

[removed]

drragonbones · 2020-01-04T23:10:44+00:00

Heavily disagree with this guy. The only men who message social media profiles are fuckboys and creepers. Do you want a bf who makes a habit of looking for hot women on his feed to dm? Hell no.

rftw2013 · 2020-01-04T22:50:48+00:00

Honestly, I just gave up after 8 years of that nonsense.

I was constantly being messaged by LVM, to which I didn't bother to respond. I also got messages and went on a lot of first dates with seemingly better men. If I liked them, they almost never liked me back. If I wasn't into them, they almost always asked for a second date. So frustrating to not find a match.

I also got tired of being lied to and misled about their intentions. If a man is over 45, there is almost a 100% chance he is lying about one or more of the following: Age, height, marital status, his employment status, how many kids he has, and whether or not he is still living with his ex.

Now I date men that I meet in real life, at social events or cultural events. So much easier.

hilariouslystated · 2020-01-05T00:33:16+00:00

I got tired of the endless swiping, low effort profiles, and lying men. There were too many men there with no bio on their profile or the "just message me" to substitute for a bio. The guys that messaged me on there had very low effort conversations. I would lead the conversation while they answered with one word. Oh and then there are the random "u wanna fuk?" messages that you're inevitably going to get.

I was also unhappy with the men that I did end up on dates with. One was very socially awkward and said nothing the entire date. The next had a physical deformity that was not visible in his profile photos. Another was very unattractive but hid that by wearing sunglasses in all his profile photos. Another lied about his height by about 5 inches (said he was 6 foot but was maybe 5'7 or 5'8). I had a great time with the last date from there but he was a fuck boy who was not straight forward about not wanted a relationship.

I'm done with online dating and apps. I've been off of them for 2 years now. I prefer meeting men in person.

ny-lady · 2020-01-05T22:08:58+00:00

I find the dating pool mostly low value.

I also find it an energy suck having to even deal with all the dumb messages, etc. I don't even use personal social media. I also found it a bit overwhelming with so many messages/matches. I couldn't 'keep up'.

A handful I met lied in their profile or couldn't show up on time. I also had some I never met they were so late I left.

Edit to add: It took me a few weeks of using a site and an app to ditch it! I tried it against my better judgment... I just meet in real life living my life. Its how Ive always dated and will continue to do so.

Title	Why do you NOT use online dating?
Author	soxychamp
Upvotes	14
Comments	30
Date	January 4, 2020 4:53 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/ejz0hc/why_do_you_not_use_online_dating/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/why-do-you-not-use-online-dating.685622 https://theredarchive.com/post/685622

Comments