Thoughts about men who wants to be SAHD? for me: hell no

riseaboveagain · 2019-12-28T09:15:56+00:00

I wouldn't mind this if he actually did what a good sahm does all day long, instead of playing video games, working on his "hustle", masturbating to porn and chatting up women at the park, while neglecting the kids and the house.

As it so often happens.

Corevaloos · 2019-12-28T15:15:07+00:00

I would looove to marry a man who wants to be a SAHD. As long as he takes care of the house and kids while still maintaining himself, I would love it. However, I feel like the kind of man I am interested in would want to work. I could easily be sole breadwinner on an engineer salary, but I think the best relationships are partnerships where you both put in an equal amount of work outside and in the home.

Corevaloos · 2019-12-28T15:27:46+00:00

Meh depends on my job. If i can take care of my man I want a beautiful and low energy cat man who i can support financially, but he would have to be the perfect househubby

grimreapersdtr · 2019-12-28T21:40:33+00:00

NO.
Reason being, I would NOT want to be that woman stuck paying a dude some alimony and losing primary custody if a divorce occurs.

It seems like a lot of guys who become comfortably underemployed/unemployed/disabled and become SAHDs SAHHs definitely pull this trick... or they know their spouses will be afraid to leave them because of this. I know some women who are personally trapped in crappy relationships with underemployed or housebound men who KNOW they'd be paying their ex husbands alimony if they initiated a divorce. Most of these women don't have high paying jobs, either. They often contribute NIL to household chores as well, expecting their working wives to cook, clean, go grocery shopping, etc..

RadioactiveJoy · 2019-12-28T09:48:50+00:00

1)not every woman wants to breastfeed

2)most places outside of the US have parental leave for mothers and fathers. It’s for mothers to recover as well as fathers to bond and they get that time even if they adopt or hire a surrogate.

3) Women are raised to be nurturing.

4) The gender pay gap is the result of women taking time off work to raise children. Until men are culturally obligated and expected to take time off work to raise children it will stay that way. This of course is related to women being expected to take random time off if the kid gets sick, needs picking up and additional medical appointments.

5) A bad SAHD is a LVM and a HVM will be a good SAHD.

My father was excellent. Nurturing, kind, and very patient. He was a young father and my mom broke up with him while she was pregnant and he’s been a consistent figure in my life. He has full custody of my step sister as well and she’s incredibly lucky to have him be a more prominent fixtures her life. My mom was nearly the opposite. Mothering is definitely not a full instinct. It’s a learned behavior for the most part.

idiosyncraticg1 · 2019-12-28T15:34:20+00:00

In theory, I wouldn’t mind a SAHD if he actually does stuff around the house.

But in practice, I want a man to take care of me. I have a decent salary now so I could get myself whatever I want, but I’d still want a guy to get me things. I want a man to support me. I could be a millionaire and still want a guy who, even if he earns less than me, can surprise me with things bought with his own money.

I guess the only way to do this is if the guy has family money and could stay at home and spend his family money. Or if he saves up for a few years and him being a SAHD would last only a few years.

I don’t think I want to have kids. But regarding being a SAHD with kids, I 1000% want the guy to stay home with a kid if we have one. Even if it’s only a few months - he’s staying home while I work. This is after I would stay home while he works.

ThunderofHipHippos · 2019-12-28T20:41:06+00:00

Can someone find a link to the study showing that even in households with two partners who perceived themselves as equally splitting housework, women did something like 30% more chores?

This is why I would never personally be with a SAHD. We can't wholely undo socialized gender norms and I'm not doing more work both in and out of the home.

It might work for some, but I've never personally met any straight men or women loving their SAHD arrangement.

PurblWasp · 2019-12-28T20:11:30+00:00

It sounds great in theory, in a make-believe world men could be taking care of the household, the meal preperation, the shopping, the children and so on.

Reality is just that it would not work out. Short-term maybe. But every SAHD I know is not even taking care of the kids, the mother still has to do that on top of working. And making food. And has to come along for grocery shopping. Though if they do some of this, they usually do it without any effort and no thought behind it. Forgot to do the laundry. Always forgets some items while shopping. Doesn't know how to help the children correctly. etc.

I do think there may be a few men who would make good and competent SAHDs, but I would not risk it.

Aigonorus · 2019-12-28T13:54:36+00:00

What's a sahd? Sorry I'm new

classylassy28 · 2019-12-28T19:20:31+00:00

Very un-masculine, and unattractive. Could probably write an essay why I would never marry or be with someone like that. Even thinking like that is pathetic.

Also statistically SAHD are way more likely to cheat.

gcthrowaway2019 · 2019-12-28T16:27:11+00:00

Don't know if this counts but if he was a SAHD but still worked remotely from home and still managed to balance everything I wouldn't mind.

Blackishcat27 · 2019-12-28T16:30:12+00:00

5 and 6 are my biggest issues with the idea.

Title	Thoughts about men who wants to be SAHD? for me: hell no
Author	cottoncandy240
Upvotes	48
Comments	30
Date	December 28, 2019 8:38 AM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/egogmg/thoughts_about_men_who_wants_to_be_sahd_for_me/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/thoughts-about-men-who-wants-to-be-sahd-for-me.686087 https://theredarchive.com/post/686087

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