I feel hopeless.

Sage_Planter · 2020-07-02T04:23:24+00:00

FDS isn't a magical solution to landing a HVM. There's no point along this journey where you'll be handed a man to live happily ever after with. Some HVW never find partners.

The ultimate goal is to be happy with yourself and to be in a place where you recognize being single is way better than being with the wrong partner. A man won't solve any loneliness, depression, or misery, and there's a 98% chance that he'll only make those problems worse.

Jasmineof-Agrabah · 2020-07-02T04:34:29+00:00

Honey the problem is that you are still trying to finding validation externally. You said:

" Now I use the FDS teachings (especially pulling back to not give him the upper hand) and guys still don't like it "

Bottom line is you are still trying to make guys like you.

It's easy to think that everyone has better, more fulfilling lives than you do, but all that it is is projections you are making yourself, about situation and relationships you don't know anything about. Being in a relationship is nothing for a woman believe me. I am 28 now, and I saw a lot of my friends getting in relationships around 19-20, just to be dragged in ''situationships'' where they are not married still after almost 10 years together.

I understand how you feel, because I was feeling the same at your age, especially if you haven't had validation from your father which is very important in a woman's live. You'll always try to find it in other men, wanting them to look at you,to make you feel you are seen, that you are attractive and worth being loved. Make no mistake, this is your weakness, and someone might be able to use it against you so be careful.

You have to realise that most people are alone. We are born alone and we will die alone, so you have to start making sure you are happy with yourself. Just read the posts of women on the sub relationship-advice. How most of them are unhappy, how they married young and now they are just miserable with a man that does nothing for them. You are young, you will most probably be used and discarded a few times untill you realize that all that validation you were craving is bullcrap. I just hope you can realize that now instead of later. Go on and read all the horrible stories in this sub or on r/relationship_advice. Then you will be able to put in perspective your feelings of loneliness.

If you are dating, go on and date many guys at the same time, while staying celibate, so you can really understand how different men can treat you differently, and how you hold all the power. You just need to realize that and use it.

gutsandgorey · 2020-07-02T04:32:50+00:00

One of the largest and most important tenets of FDS is to learn to be happy without a man. You need to build a fulfilling life for yourself that does not depend upon anyone else. Focus on building a career that will provide for you later in life, cultivate rewarding and fun friendships, pick up hobbies that enrich your life, improve your self esteem. Do not waste time waiting around for a man to see your worth. I promise that living your life in a high value way will attract the right men (but after living your best life you'll realize you don't need them).

-positivity- · 2020-07-02T07:17:20+00:00

Hey sis, it’s normal to be bummed out if a guy you like doesn’t message you back. But you’ll find that as you apply FDS principles more and more, you’ll be able to bounce back quicker, and not go through this depressive state in the future.

Based on what you said, I assume you must have been messaging a lot? This isn’t recommended for building attraction and also for preventing you from getting too attached. I’m happy to help further if I know more details on how you’ve been in contact.

throwaway23004345 · 2020-07-02T04:20:41+00:00

I’m sorry you feel that way. I’m 27 and feel the same tbh. I’m not sure what to say aside from work on yourself and that you are not the only one.

EclecticBarbarella · 2020-07-02T17:23:26+00:00

I’m gonna hit you with “but you’re still so young” but in a different way. You have so much time ahead of you to continue to be unhappy. If you want to change that, you need to make changes. You’ve already said you don’t seem to be able to do it on your own (which is nothing to be ashamed of, changing engrained mental habits are hard, they literally make up your “reality”) so I think you should seriously look into therapy or a support group so you can start to unwind the shit your parents did to you. I’m 31 and im just now starting to make progress. I spent my teens and twenties drunk and partying trying to get out of my own head and surprise it didn’t work so now I still have to deal with them.

FDS is labeled as a dating strategy but I think it’s more of a state of mind, one that often requires work to achieve. It isn’t a checklist that you use when you date a guy and he moves his way down the list. It’s a place that you are mentally where if he’s HVM, he continues to make his way through and if he’s NVM he’s vetted out.

heliodrome · 2020-07-02T14:08:48+00:00

I think my advice would be to start getting to know yourself, and spend time with tending to your hobbies. Google an article called 42 ways of improving yourself. Whenever I’m down I start doing things on that list and my self esteem gradually rises.

I’ve known FDS stuff intellectually for a while, but never got that validation until I discovered this subreddit. But you should follow the advice here not because you want to find a man. You will find him, when you are focus on your life and not on him.

When he liked your last message, why was that negative? I’m sure he will reach out again. Don’t pay any attention to him unless he makes plans and then if the plans are compelling, go out with him.

flimm_ · 2020-07-02T20:36:51+00:00

Firstly I like messages when I don’t have anything else to add to a convo but don’t want to be rude. So don’t panic.

I definitely think you should look into a therapist to resolve your childhood trauma. Trust me, you’ll feel SO much better about yourself once you heal and rebuild your self worth. Before I worked on myself I would get deeply depressed each time a man let me down, or super happy when he’d do something I liked and hence my moods were constantly fluctuating. I’m not an emotional zombie now, but I’ve stopped letting how a man (or anyone for that matter) act affect my moods and self worth.

And by working on yourself it will be easier to both identify and attract the right HV man for you. Just by being on this subreddit at 19 shows you’re already on the level up journey and thats great to see.

Title	I feel hopeless.
Author	teatimebiitch
Upvotes	30
Comments	16
Date	July 2, 2020 3:59 AM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/hjpx1s/i_feel_hopeless/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/i-feel-hopeless.702308 https://theredarchive.com/post/702308

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