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Doomed to beta-dom?

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zuhal93
June 30, 2020
6 upvotes
askMRP

Trying to figure out if marriage is recoverable.

Wife is ex-slut. I got married to her long before exposure to RP practices, thought having an 'experienced' woman was, like, progressive, or something.

Fast forward five years. The other night, we're having a conversation about our sex life. She tells me, "well, I chose you because I was attracted to you but I didn't go dick-crazy for you in a destructive way like I did with previous relationships,". Translation: "I chose you because you were inherently beta-izable."

Is that the right translation?

She did have a history of destructive relationships, which seems to have ended with me. So in a sense, I'm doing my job. I'm keeping her from being an asshole to the rest of the world, it seems. She's actually a very positive influence in many people's lives since our marriage.

Been focusing on getting my shit together for about a year now, some progress. But the question is, even with all this progress, if I've been chosen based on being beta-izable (and clearly exist largely for comfort, to which she is insanely attached), does that even matter? What the hell is going on, what should I do?


Post Information
Title Doomed to beta-dom?
Author zuhal93
Upvotes 6
Comments 35
Date 30 June 2020 05:00 PM UTC (3 months ago)
Subreddit askMRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/702763
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/hirar0/doomed_to_betadom/
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Comments

[–]BobbyPeruRed Beret31 points32 points  (2 children) | Copy

Translation: "I chose you because you were inherently beta-izable." Is that the right translation?

Close, but the translation is she viewed you as beta bux already. Notice her wording, “I chose you” like you had no options better than her in her mind... like you had no choice. She views herself as the prize.. the fact that you didn’t catch this means you probably view her as the prize also, but most likey you are unaware of it due to your blue pill conditioning.

what should I do?

The same thing all of us who made our way out did...

Sidebar

Lift

STFU

Do weekly OYS posts

And for fuck’s sake, quit telling yourself you are saving the world.

Where are you on sidebar readings and lifting?

[–]zuhal93[S] 4 points5 points  (1 child) | Copy

Solid advice, thank you for pointing out a blind spot. I need to start doing OYS posts. I think the "saving the world" shit is basically a rationalization.

[–]BobbyPeruRed Beret12 points13 points  (0 children) | Copy

Yes, it’s a rationalization so you don’t have to OYS

[–]UEMcGillI am become McGill, Destroyer of Blue Pill26 points27 points  (3 children) | Copy

Trying to figure out if marriage is recoverable.

This is your problem right here. You're starting from the wrong point of view from the get go. Add to it what u/BobbyPeru is saying, her message to you is she 'settled' on a safe guy.

So what does that mean? What does that mean about the marriage?

Nothing. Nada. Zip.

It has no bearing on the future. Quit focusing on her and the marriage and instead focus on yourself. Become a man of abundance.

If you were sitting at the table a year from now, not as yourself but as a dude who is jacked, earning and got his shit together do you think you'd have heard the same thing? Your wife can be that dick-drunk slut for you too. Whether it's the current wife or not is irrelevant. If you had choices and options or felt like you had options you wouldn't care if she wasn't, because you would know she could be replaced.

[–]cheepdogg5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

this is the correct answer

[–]z2a1-93 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

Spot on good shit

[–]zuhal93[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

Thank you.

[–]man_in_the_worldRed Beret26 points27 points  (4 children) | Copy

If you had married a plain-looking Amish girl who cut her own hair around a bowl on her head, wore plain Amish clothing, and radiated respectability and repression, because you liked her and thought she would be a great mother of your offspring ... and then 5 years later she left the religion and started dressing well, getting her hair styled, and became seductive and flirting with you ... in short became hot as hell ... would your attraction to her still never change because of your prior knowledge of her as an Amish girl?

[–]bowhunter66 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy

Great answer.

[–]SBIIIRed Fucking Commando4 points5 points  (2 children) | Copy

Someone's been watching Witness recently.

[–]wkndatbernardus2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Still pissed Kelly McGinnis became a fat lesbian.

[–]man_in_the_worldRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Quite possibly a subliminal memory!

[–]SBIIIRed Fucking Commando15 points16 points  (1 child) | Copy

There's no such thing as an ex-slut. She's still a slut.

Just not with you.

[–]zuhal93[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

I had the same thought after I posted, thanks.

[–]Big_Daddy_PDX5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

The Go plan is the same as the Stay plan.

[–]Praexology10 points11 points  (5 children) | Copy

Are all marriages doomed to beta-dom? No. Tons of men get out of from underneath heavily bluepilled philosophy.

Would a different man in your position/with your wife be doomed to beta-dom. Not necessarily, if a man is willing to do what it takes to fix a problem then absolutely.

Are you specifically stuck in your betatized position? Probably.

But the question is, even with all this progress, if I've been chosen based on being beta-izable

The idea that a woman's opinion of you, is who you truly are is one of the most profound dysfunctional types of thinking BP men bring into the sub to get fixed.

Currently, her opinion of you is the origin place you view and derive all ego and life outlook from.

So to answer your question, yes you are likely doomed to it. Lol.

[–]zuhal93[S] 8 points9 points  (4 children) | Copy

LOL brilliant. As long as I am basing any aspect of my self-image on her, I'm categorically a faggot.

[–]johneyapocalypseThe one that says "Bad Motherfucker"8 points9 points  (1 child) | Copy

You're a faggot, but not because your wife fucked a bunch of dudes and has a vagina almost as big as your own.

[–]Praexology1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Op "The gaper"

[–]sliprymdgt3 points4 points  (1 child) | Copy

So are you going to base any aspect of your self image on her? Do you like the idea of that?

Or would you like to base your self image on what names you're being called here?

Or would you like to base it on something else?

You have options.

[–]zuhal93[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Lack of awareness of options is the definition of drunk captain, perhaps. No options, so escapism. Thank you.

[–]SepeanRed Beret6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy

It depends entirely on whether or not you can stop acting beta and begin being alpha. How you’re treated is a reflection of how you are, it is a simple as that. Nothing you or her did or said will change that.

[–]HornsOfApathyMod / Red Beret7 points8 points  (2 children) | Copy

Nothing is doomed, so even if you alpha-up or whatever you're thinking, this woman is going to go kicking up shit crazily like an entitled teenage brat who's parents got her a black car instead of the red one... that's is my thinking from the limited shit you've wrote.

Should be fun either way but you are your own worst enemy here. Not her.

[–]zuhal93[S] 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

That's a good forewarning. I need to mentally prepare, especially because I made took the risk of marrying upward in class. Thanks.

[–]tap09885343 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

Doom is up to you. Women fuck for reasons other than attraction. Pair bonding...procreation...horny...etc. What she said is that she was attracted to you (probably as provider) but not sexually.

So now your job is to be attractive, and to not be unattractive. She may become attracted to you in the process.

[–]dll1422 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

Get out of your wife's frame and into your own. I can say this because I was there at one point... a lot of us were. Being beta (and analyzing it) = you living in your wife's frame and not your own. Personally, I found the key to building frame is as follows.

  1. Lift weights and take care of your health. If you look like and physically feel like shit, you'll feel mentally and emotionally like shit. Good body and health = confidence

  2. Work hard on learning and INTERNALIZING OI (outcome independence). When you're outcome dependent, you expect certain outcomes and / or try to engineer them. This makes you NEEDY. Needy men appear controlling and manipulative to women. This drys their pussies up like a desert.

  3. Like these guys say here. Internalize abundance. Not just with women, but with life in general. Look, this world is literally full of all kinds of awesome shit and opportunities. The old cliche that one door closes, another opens, gets adjusted to when one door closes, ten more open... that's abundance

Master these steps and you're well on your way to a solid frame of awesomeness and fearless honesty. Women love honesty. You know why? An honest man is genuine and owns his shit.

You'll know when you figure it out.

[–]zuhal93[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I really appreciate this advice. It's spot on. The issue is clearly having lived in my wife's frame, and learning how to generate my own frame. When I'm single, generating my own frame comes naturally; upon reflection, whenever I get into relationships, I let that frame go. I can lift all I want, but living in my wife's frame has kept me from any real progress on any level. And, I have been so caught up in resentment that I have lost any sense of abundance.

Thank you.

[–]Secret_Twitch3 points4 points  (4 children) | Copy

Other than this comment your wife made the other night, how has the last five years been? Has she pair bonded with you despite having ridden the cock carousel? Does she respect your boundaries and treat you the way you want to be treated?

I ask these questions because I want to make sure you aren't making a problem where there isn't one. It's OK to begin to understand Red Pill and for your eyes to be opened about your precious little darling wife. Maybe now you are regretting certain things that you wished you'd known about before. My point is unless there is some other problems other than whatever the fuck she said, you should continue to become a better man and increase your SMV and make her dick-crazy for you in a destructive way.

I'm not sure I agree with your translation of the comment she made, by the way.

[–]zuhal93[S] 1 point2 points  (3 children) | Copy

Pair bonded like crazy. I didn't even realize it until I tried to leave at one point last year, and she lost her shit like I've never seen. She's had a really bad run with men, but the fact that our relationship has been the closest resemblance to a healthy relationship (of any kind) in her life has made her gravely attached.

Does she respect my boundaries? Not particularly. Why would she respect the boundaries of a faggot?

[–]buttery-soft2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Trick Question. Only you can respect your boundaries:

https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/2vr5ih/how_to_build_boundaries_during_your_transition/

[–]Secret_Twitch0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Attached and Pair Bonded can mean two different things... Alas, continue to work on yourself. Your SMV is going up while hers is going down. Even if you are feeling like she chose you initially for the wrong reasons, make sure that she is sticking around for the right ones. You are absorbing the red pill; continue to do so. Start using passive dread, get in shape, give yourself a makeover, STFU... all the things your are learning here. Again, she used the words, I would make my goal to make her dick-crazy for you! Good luck.

[–]zuhal93[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Got it. This is very helpful, that's a good point about making sure why she's sticking around. Reflecting, I think part of the issue that motivated me to post this is sort of the fact that someone would even want to stick around with me, and feeling like: ok, if I suck so much, what the fuck is wrong with you?

Of course, I'm maybe being overly critical of myself from a long-term perspective, as I have made improvements, but there's been some darker moments over the past year, as well. In those moments, she's been largely oblivious since she's BPD-ish (based on actual clinical evaluation in her teenagehood), of course, but the result is the same, which is me acting like a loser. In those moments, seeing her behavior, I've been like: why are you even sticking around?

Of course the complications of "why's" can be discussed, but are sort of irrelevant, and bottom line is that it was clearly for the wrong reasons -- probably mostly out of her fear of being alone, rather than anything positive about our relationship.

Thank you!

[–]brianmcg3210 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

That's what I got from it.

[–]Tyred_BiggumsRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Eh. No big deal. You’ll hamster and Rambo on this most likely. But doesn’t change your course at all. Who cares.

[–]business---travel0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Just out of curiosity, how far have you gone through the sidebar; considering, you mentioned that you have been "exposed" to the content?



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