On keeping your options open. How have you worked this out in real life.

strainedcrow · 2020-08-03T22:42:43+00:00

I think a man saying he wants to be in a relationship with you, or bf/gf, counts as that commitment. If he never says it and you're 6 months in, I wouldn't be surprised if he was seeing other people. The goal is for him to be upfront and make the honest commitment to you early on, clear and established, not a 'no labels' thing.

peachpy54 · 2020-08-04T01:45:37+00:00

Here's how I think about it, if you're marriage-minded: If you get to the place where you are physically intimate, I'd say that physical intimacy should be monogamous. But, then both parties should be able to have "platonic" dinner dates, if they want. Here's the thing, this arrangement is much better for women, because it's a lot easier for women to find dates with high quality applicants, than it is for men.

Most guys will not like this, but who cares what they like? Tell them that a couple generations ago, women would have multiple suitors, where a man would have to get a family's approval before the privilege of taking a woman out on a date. A woman would have MULTIPLE suitors, and the man would have no expectation of physical intimacy before engagement.

If a man is high value, he'll see it as a challenge worth taking. A real man doesn't find the smallest mole-hill to conquer, but the most challenging peak.

Even if a man goes on an occasional dinner date with another woman while he is in the intimacy stage of the relationship with me, then I'd say -- that's fine, if you fall in love with her, go for it. If me and this guy I'm sleeping with are going to fail, I want to FAIL FAST. Don't waste my time, because either way, failure will happen either way, whether it be quickly or slowly.

This sort of behavior should drive a productive sort of jealousy in a man, "mate guarding" behavior, where it increases chances that he'll propose in a timely manner and continue courting you/keeping on his best behavior.

VikingPug · 2020-08-04T01:54:43+00:00

I’ll share this comment I read back in February from JalapeñoPancakes.

The most I ever got up to was 4. It was HARD. I’m sure it’s blown up on the face of many an FDSer. I didn’t lie about going on dates with other men(there’s no discussion of commitment)and many dropped off at that discovery. But, from the very beginning I had discussions with every man that I was in it for marriage.they all knew going in and I slept with none of them.

From a scheduling standpoint it was nuts. High stress. And since I was only available by phone, I had phone calls everynight after work.

My husband was taking me out nearly every night I was available and planning weekend trips nearly every weekend I could make it. He proposed after 8 months.

-positivity- · 2020-08-04T02:57:28+00:00

The assumption is that he will propose early, because by applying FDS principles he will want you and admire you so much that he is driven to lock you down to completely get rid of competition (of course this is more applicable to people who are in that stage of life where they’re ready for marriage). He’ll be so in love with you that he can’t even think of dating other women and will promise, by himself, that he won’t — that’s not an object of worry for you. Yes this latter point is possible, I’ve personally experienced it many times. But you have to trust in your worthiness, because you will never be certain of fidelity (not even in an “exclusive” relationship).

Two approaches you can do: if he asks you to be exclusive, you can say that you believe in multi-dating until engagement happens, because you believe that monogamy only belongs within a marriage; or give yourself a time limit for exclusivity, say a year, for him to propose and if not, you move on. Your sexual predilections — that you can have sex with other people — should not even be discussed: you are a private person and that is a private matter. I’m personally a relationship person, so I take the second approach. My most recent ex proposed to me, but I’ve since decided he’s a twat lol.

A couple of things is required from you to force his hand: strict dating — only go on dates outside the house for a maximum of 2 times a week, disappear between dates, get busy with self improvement, no overnights or holidays together even when sex is already on the table. I hope this is helpful?

Title	On keeping your options open. How have you worked this out in real life.
Author	naturopathicfantasti
Upvotes	29
Comments	14
Date	August 3, 2020 9:37 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/i3675x/on_keeping_your_options_open_how_have_you_worked/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/on-keeping-your-options-open-how-have-you-worked.721073 https://theredarchive.com/post/721073

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