So last week on Saturday I finally went out to meet a man I have been talking to online for a month. We met on an OLD app and he immediately made marriage intentions clear (because my profile makes it clear I'm Christian and also a virgin) and once he started talking to me he did not log on to the app frequently. He's made it clear he thinks he's getting old and he has been seeking an LTR/marriage for a long time.

I like him A LOT but he has had 3 partners and it makes me a bit upset. Anyway, I figure that's kind of normal these days. Another concern is his career since he isn't established yet (he is hardworking though). I don't really know if he has any savings...and he's 7 years older than me. Another concern is his fetishes...I snooped on his profile with a fake profile to unlock his answers. To his credit, they're very...centered on the woman's pleasure as well, so he's not some power-tripping dom type. Other than that he is pretty great and honestly? I've talked to and had feelings for so many men but he is so consistent and thoughtful that I've cried over it. We share so many interests and values together (some rare) and I've already built up this life inside my head. Stupid, I know, but I am so emotional.

Another important point is that he had 'looking for friends, short-term dating and hookups' on his profile, which I didn't even realise until my mom pointed it out to me. I messaged him saying I wasn't interested anymore and he said he didn't know how to change it and he asked me for a second chance. I told him how to do it and he did, he changed it to long-term and friends. He is 'good' and does what I tell him.

Anyway, so...he had planned to visit my country for holidays long before we started talking, and my city was one of the places he was coming to, and he asked me out almost immediately since we started talking. He had to ask thrice before I accepted (told him that I'd need to ask my mom). My mom said that if he wanted to take me out he'd have to accept three rules: to hand over his passport (trafficking is a serious concern where I live), not to touch me and not to take pictures with me. I got really mad at her and started crying and I thought he'd say no for sure. But to my utter shock he agreed. When we met up, he did hand it over to her, but my mom didn't actually take his passport, it was just a litmus test.

He knew three days in advance that we would be meeting for sure and yet not only did he not bring me any sort of gift but he didn't even get me any flowers. He did, however, pick up the tab for the entire day's worth of transport and meals (but that's obviously the bare minimum). I didn't mind at the time since I was so emotional and really liked him (despite the fact that he misrepresented his height by like two inches and was fat). He kept looking at me very intently throughout our date, especially when I wasn't looking. Mum said when he first saw me his jaw dropped. That was exhilarating. We've video chatted before, but it's obviously not the same as actually meeting in person.

He is so sweet and thoughtful with words. He told me he hasn't checked the app since we started talking and I once got mad at him when he was online on the app and he told me he didn't even know why he did that. He has never been online since then! He sends me thoughtful e-cards on Christmas and New Year's and wishes me good morning and good night every damn day. He says he does it because it's important to let the other person know that you are thinking of them. But these are just words??? I mean, why didn't he even get me flowers if he was at all serious about me and thinking about me? We've talked about marriage, children, conversion, he teaches me his language, etc. He tries to reassure me and make me feel emotionally safe. He always knew he wouldn't get to hook up with me anyway.

The other thing is that when he dropped me home he said we have to meet again and said now I should come visit his country. I told him he'd have to ask my mom and that he should plan it (I have 0 intentions of paying the costs to specially go see a man even though I can afford it). He said okay. Later I told him my mum wouldn't allow it since we're not engaged or anything. He didn't comment on that. He stayed in my city for a day and a half (spent the whole day with me and the next day prepping for the next flight) out of the ten days he is staying in my country. If he really wanted to spend time with me wouldn't he have done something and stayed longer? I mean, he has NO actual plan for his entire trip! I understand flight and hotel/room costs and stuff but it's not a big amount to be honest. I am so conflicted. We were flirting yesterday and I got so emotional I almost sent him a lovey-dovey song but I stopped myself, and then I cried. I am soooo extremely emotional and so lonely. I just don't know what to make of him. He only leaves my country on Saturday...to his credit, he keeps in touch with me every single day and send me many messages (with actual content not just hi/hello) throughout the day. To be fair, when we were at church, I realised I'd forgotten my scarf and he said he thought of buying one for me but didn't know where to get one from.

Should I confront him? When he wishes me good night tonight I'm going to tell him to cut it off and that empty words don't please me, actions do, and he didn't even do the bare minimum. Am I overreacting? Is he playing me?