How to respond to bullies?

skyword1234 · 2020-08-06T22:02:23+00:00

[deleted]

babielamb · 2020-08-06T23:24:10+00:00

This made me so sad. I can tell you have such a huge heart, petal. I cannot believe it even fits in your chest. I‘m so incredibly sorry that these people have been so vicious and nasty to you, but please don’t put yourself down, especially as you continue to put them on pedestals. Their “higher tier” in societal or professional settings is arbitrary and unimportant, and maybe not even true.

My advice: Look into ways to assert yourself. Right now you are an easy target and they know they can keep coming back to you. It feels as though we teach our children that they need to sympathize with their school bullies, but you do not need to psychoanalyze or convert these bullies. They are mean-spirited individuals, and that’s about all you need to know. Whether they have a hard home life or they were bullied in the past — or whatever their reason for being cruel is — consider it irrelevant and not your responsibility. Focus on your health and your safety. You are most important and it’s time for them to get kicked in the booty for getting away with this abuse for far too long. You don’t need to be as equally aggressive as they are, but you don’t need to continue to be as passive as you’re being now either. Being assertive is the balance you need right now.

Assertiveness is a skill – and like any skill, it can be learned and it must be practiced. If you keep this in mind, you are on the right road to expressing yourself assertively, not aggressively nor selfishly.

Here are some of the main behaviours that assertive people demonstrate, for example: - Speaking up, making requests, and asking for help or favors. - Overcoming the fear and self-deprecation that keep you from doing these things. - Expressing negative emotions (complaints, resentment, criticism, disagreement, the desire to be left alone) and refusing requests. - Showing positive emotions (joy, pride, appreciation, attraction) and giving compliments and accepting them with 'thank you'. - Asking why and questioning authority, not for the sake of rebellion but rather to establish your own values and response to the rule, maxim, or tradition. - Initiating, engaging in, changing and ending conversations comfortably. - Sharing your feelings, opinions and experiences with others. - Listening and requesting that you be listened to; - Dealing with minor irritations before your anger builds into manipulativeness, resentment or aggression.

This skill will take time to build, and don’t allow yourself to become overwhelmed or burnt out, but invest in yourself. You deserve it. I wish you all the best. 🕊

shady_cactus · 2020-08-06T22:04:06+00:00

Don't give them the satisfaction of acknowledgement

vinomatt · 2020-08-07T03:10:25+00:00

Ignore them.

A bully is after your emotional response. Complete indifference is the best way way to disarm a bully.

Unless they are violent, then kick them where it hurts, hard, and let them know you will fight.

inlovewithaloser · 2020-08-07T03:52:55+00:00

I don’t know what to say, just that I’ve been there. I’ve had bullies who are straight up successful and it’s hard AF to reconcile their public personas with the nasty person they were behind the scenes. Breaks my heart to hear you are dealing with the same. </3

skyword1234 · 2020-08-07T04:08:00+00:00

Sorry if I didn’t respond to everything. This is a lot and I appreciate the responses. Actually, it’s getting late and I’m feeling sleepy. Goodnight.

barooka · 2020-08-07T03:16:09+00:00

You have to stand up for yourself. If you don’t respect yourself, how do you expect others to respect you? People in the Dark Triad can smell innocence from a mile away

But don’t snap back at them. Do it slowly. Follow his advice: https://youtu.be/DzRioML0boA

Fluorescence · 2020-08-07T04:49:51+00:00

You should read the book Introvert Power. You sound a lot like me, not understanding people. That book might help you as it helped me.

Whisper · 2020-08-07T05:50:34+00:00

Bullies often have talents or strengths, but what defines them is their need. Many people are aggressive to get what they want, but a bully is aggressive in order to adjust their own emotional state.

They need you to hurt in order to feel okay themselves.

But that means they need something from you, while you need nothing from them. That places you in a position of power. To win, they need you to do something. To win, all you have to do is nothing.

This can, of course, be easier said than done, but a good first step is to know you have that power. When you're dealing with someone who is trying to make you feel bad, you are dealing with someone struggling with their own feelings of inadequacy. So it is that you have a powerful ally who lives inside their skull.

Bullies are being bullied inside their own heads.

So, what you can learn to do is play to those feelings of inadequacy. Not by trying to bully back, but by helping them bully themselves... if they need you to hurt to feel better, then the less you hurt, the worse they will feel, until eventually they seek more vulnerable targets.

If they get physical, of course, you must destroy them, but if they confine themselves to saying words, it's more effectively to laugh them off.

Sometimes, every once in a while, you can cure one, but that requires their cooperation, and frankly, some people are pretty far gone.

AnarchoNAP · 2020-08-06T21:54:27+00:00

Age and place? (like work, not like NYC)

jakethegreatwhite · 2020-08-07T02:37:35+00:00

Us guys fight each other sometimes lol, idk much but my sister used to get bullied online and i told her to just turn off the phone and remove the apps for a while. But having confidence in yourself and planning for it like war helped me when i couldn't fight, also not giving a shit and making friends who supported me instead of belittling me

isidorakimou · 2020-08-07T06:25:38+00:00

Why bother with these people and what they think? If they were in any way, shape or form, even slightly better than you, trust me they would have never bullied or mistreated you. This is the behaviour of those lower than you, which they know 100%, that the only way for them to feel better about themselves is to try to bring YOU down, either by gossipping, lying, belittling or bullying you.

You are better than them, not the other way around, and it's cute that you cannot even understand this. :) Don't pay attention to them, you are fine. Haters gonna hate and my personal fave "jealousy is a disease, get well soon b*tches."

Also, imo, noone is better than anybody else to begin with, but when some hate on someone else without this person ever having done anything to wrong them, they put themselves in a lower position and the person hated, higher than them. I don't know if it makes any sense, but it's the negativity and hate that creates this and places some higher and others lower I think.

And just think about the following, imagine someone good-looking belittling other behind their backs and gossipping, isn't that unattractive and gross? Would you be able to look at the person as being attractive anymore? A person is not just their looks, so if their behaviour is nasty, to me they are ugly, despite physically looking good. So how are these people more attractive than you?

PoubelleTheGreat · 2020-08-07T07:15:50+00:00

Kill them With kindndess

lovelyllamas · 2020-08-07T12:05:26+00:00

I’m so sorry. First, welcome. Secondly, I don’t have much different advice than what others stated. I posted here recently about a similar situation, and received good advice so it might help you, too. I also went through similar situations with “friendships” it sucks, can’t say therapy helped, but let’s just say I learnt to enjoy my company more than anyone’s the last half decade.

Last and most importantly- don’t think about them being better off than you. The fact that they’re evil spirited outweighs any of those positive traits.

guynpdx · 2020-08-07T13:01:09+00:00

Ignore. Work on you inner self until it no longer bothers you.

Noodlesoupe2 · 2020-08-08T22:05:07+00:00

You must be easy to bully and have low self esteem.

Kinkajou87 · 2020-08-11T12:48:24+00:00

I know this is from a few days ago, but I’ve totally been where you are! I used to work at a company where two women there were horrible to me but I was in line for a more senior role and was able to do business travel, while being newer than them, and I think they resented me. One time the one got in my face in front of everyone and was screaming that I fucked up on something (it was literally so minor i wouldn’t even call it a mistake). I wanted to quit so bad, and maybe I should have as that place was so toxic.

Looking back, I’m so happy I kept my cool and never gave her what she “wanted” which was me to explode and look unprofessional. I confided in a few other coworkers privately and found out everyone pretty much felt how I felt and that she treated everyone like trash.

As long as you’re a generally decent person, I’m sure your coworkers know she’s making stuff up, and I’m sure they probably think she’s toxic. They may not know what to do to not rock the boat as it’s a workplace, but if you are comfortable with your boss or HR, I would bring it up and have a few dates examples.

Title	How to respond to bullies?
Author	skyword1234
Upvotes	32
Comments	43
Date	August 6, 2020 9:52 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/i513tx/how_to_respond_to_bullies/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/how-to-respond-to-bullies.724108 https://theredarchive.com/post/724108

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