In my young adulthood(I’m 23) I’ve come to appreciate my mother more and more with every passing day, largely because she is FDS incarnate. She is an absolutely incredible woman in all aspects of life, and I think her story is a poignant reminder of the positive impact our high-standards have on the world. This tale is a lil long but oh so worth it:

My mother became pregnant by a LVM when she was merely 17. They married shortly thereafter, but he was an immature boy who didn’t prioritize her or his newborn daughter. My mom knew her husband was a man-child, taking away energy that should be given to her actual baby, so she divorced him quickly after their wedding.

She received full custody and worked a full-time factory job for many years to provide a quality life for my sister. My also-amazing grandmother occasionally babysat, and my mom paid for daycare with her tight budget to make sure she didn’t overburden my grandmother.

My mother told me she dabbled in dating during that time, but generally didn’t invest in it because her lil’ family was better off without a mediocre man.

Then, a friend convinced her to go on a date with a lovely man-a man who would eventually become my father.

On their first date my mom told him what he was in for: she was a single mother who loved her daughter till the ends of the earth, and was willing to ditch any guy who added stress to their lives. My dad was instantly enamored with my mom’s high standards, work ethic, intelligence, and loving nature, and he knew he’d be a fool to lose her.

He proved to consistently meet her requirements, treating her like a queen; with time, he earned the right to be introduced to my sister.

My sister was frankly a lil’ brat to him at first, being closed off to men because her biological father had consistently failed her. She would be irritable and moody, yet he exhibited endless patience with her. He never pushed her to become close to him, though, because “he didn’t want to replace her father, he just wanted her to know she was loved”. He would sit outside with her on the doorstep when she was just 6 years old, excitedly waiting for her biological dad to pick her up for a father-daughter day, then would wipe her tears and play games with her instead every time her dad cancelled their plans at the last-minute.

After about a year of dating my dad proposed, but my mom denied. She told him that she loved him but needed to be sure that he would be a worthy long-term presence in their lives. He proposed again 6 months later and she once again told him she needed more time, to know her daughter would be okay with this man always being around. Eventually she agreed to become his wife, but only after my sister, unprompted, asked if she could refer to him as Dad. My parents tied the knot, and he became her adopted father.

After marriage, he suggested he go to med school to provide for his family, and my mother wholeheartedly approved; she always wanted to be a stay-at-home mother, and this would fulfill that dream.

They then had 3 children together, with me being their youngest. When my father became a practicing physician, my mom got her wish, and quit her factory job. She was able to invest all her energy into being a truly extraordinary mom, taking us on outdoor adventures, smothering us with love and affection, and teaching us valuable life lessons about respect and service for others.

My father worked tirelessly every day at the hospital, but would be entirely present for us kids the minute he entered the house. He insisted on cooking meals and doing chores whenever he could; he did this to take away stress from his wife’s “round-the-clock job of being a fantastic mother”. He learned how to knit and sew to make us toys and outfits. He taught me how to bake, and we’d sing musical numbers as we made pies and cookies. He sewed me dresses with my favorite characters on them. I didn’t understand the idea of gender roles as a child, because my dad loved so many classically feminine activities yet was simultaneously very masculine. He is an amazing father, and I am blessed to have him.

Even though their kids have now left the nest, my dad still insists his wife not work. I asked him about this, and he said “it’s never even occurred to me to have your mother work again. She tirelessly worked ever since she was 17, and she had the harder job between the two of us for so many years. She deserves to do what she wants now, and it’s my honor to give her that opportunity”.

His perspective on providing for my mom has allowed her to take care of my grandmother in her old-age, and she also continues to serve the people who appreciate her. She goes on lil’ camping trips every once in a while, but otherwise works hard to nurture their life together and the community around her.

My mom, in choosing a HVM, has completely changed her children’s lives, along with countless others. All her kids are currently doing wonderful things in the world, and are spreading healthy love to so many people. She knew her worth from a young age, when she “seemingly” had very little to offer as a single mother, and that has had a positive effect on everyone she has encountered.

Last year, when I was a sniveling wreck over being cruelly dumped by a LVM, my mom said to me “honey, you are my amazing daughter, and I know you are beautiful inside and out. You must choose a man who treats you like a queen. Now, I want you to go look in the mirror and not see what’s wrong with you, but to see instead what made you tolerate painful love from a man who is clearly undeserving of you.” In that moment, I swear reality clicked into place. I always figured she luckily stumbled upon my father through happenstance, but NO! She learned from her LVM mistake and instantly leveled up. She had high standards, and because of that she attracted a high-value man, and they created a high-value life together. I had once foolishly thought of my dad as the family provider, but my beautiful life exists because my mom’s standards made it so.

Please remember my mother’s story the next time a lowly man makes you second-guess your worth. We all deserve to be treated like queens, and everyone benefits when we accept nothing less 👑