Turning the tables 👏

Happypengy · 2021-01-12T14:07:22+00:00

This picture reminds me of something.

My mom was really tough. I mean tough as nails. She left India and emigrated 7000 miles away, by herself, for a better life. She was cool! She lived in NYC with her nursing friends. Owned a beetle. Did cool things. But she couldn't escape the arranged marriage and in 1975 went back and married a LVM, lesser educated, no ambition, no career aspirations.

What got me though was when I grew up....she still wanted me to have an arranged marriage! Just like this picture! I rebelled and moved out at 20...because watching her I knew she was miserable. But also the boss.

I didnt understand why I had to make the same mistakes as her. Still dont. She threw off so much of her traditions but couldn't get rid of this one.

Shefthegooddog · 2021-01-12T13:36:59+00:00

Say it louder for the people in the back!! My mother is shocked how often I push back on fiancé about big and little stuff.

misszazie · 2021-01-12T14:02:41+00:00

Yeah. Nobody with cancer is walking around all high and mighty like, a good woman learns to love their tumor.

Now the Dr is like, we don't know if it's benign or.... Cut it off doc.

Soso3213 · 2021-01-12T16:01:01+00:00

It would be great to have an FDS specifically for the desi culture or arranged marriages. Seeing enabling mothers would be a red flag.

fibonacci_veritas · 2021-01-12T17:09:15+00:00

My mum and I talk about this. She just went along with some stuff. My dad was a great guy, but a total doof about some things. She's very clear with me about what she should have made more clear to him.

It has really helped me encourage the HVM traits in my partner and to automatically shut down any inkling of LVM. Because no person is all high or low value. I think we all have our crap moments. We are much better at communicating, now.

DingdongIhavewon · 2021-01-12T23:44:16+00:00

My Indian mother actually tried to get me married at 25 to this random guy I never met. It was an arranged marriage. She said something like you will hopefully get a good guy who will treat you well. Thankfully I never talked to her again after that incident.

eatchickpeas · 2021-01-12T20:01:57+00:00

i get what this is trying to convey but i dont know. we criticize the older women who endured the sexist patriarchy and not the men who designed it in the first place? older women do pressure younger women to be more silent/pliable with LVM men because its what they are used to. the men behind all the double standards we endure are invisible, never around but ever present

nowadays if you told the average western woman to endure an abusive marriage and not go to college, you'd be yelled at. we have to thank the older women, those who pushed for the change we can see now. my mum was discouraged from marrying someone she wanted to, to learn how to drive and go to college but she did all of that and ignored everyone who said she shouldnt

she still also tells me that 'divorced women are nasty whores', that my skin is too dark for a 'man to find respectable in asian society' and that i should get married before i turn 30 because 'you are a woman and its just what we do'. internalized misogyny doesnt just disappear unfortunately. there were plenty of women from my mums generation who stood up to defend themselves but they were drowned out by male voices. everywhere but invisible when you need to see it

Xlunas · 2021-01-13T10:03:29+00:00

I don't like the "They pressure you because they don't know men ruined their lives." approach. I'm sure many of you don't want to accept this but, they know. Older women know they lived an awful life. We always remind each other of how men aren't stupid and they just don't care in this sub, but women aren't stupid too. They want you to choose the same path so their life makes sense. It is selfish and horrible. Don't fall for it.

Title	Turning the tables 👏
Author	HoneyBouquet
Upvotes	1006
Comments	13
Date	January 12, 2021 9:34 AM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/kvoiu6/turning_the_tables/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/turning-the-tables.735195 https://theredarchive.com/post/735195

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