How to develop a personality that people like to be around?

chazthundergut · 2018-05-22T16:51:50+00:00

Here is how I do it:

Learn people's names. The moment you meet someone, make a point to remember their name. This is number one for me.
Look people in the eye, shake their hand firmly, and smile. And call them by their name.
When you're talking to people, stop thinking about the next thing you're going to say and focus on listening to what they are saying. Most people have a terrible habit of simply waiting for their own turn to speak instead of actually focusing on their communication partner.
When you see someone you know, the moment you make eye contact flash them a big smile and go straight up to them and say "Hey name how's it going?"
Once you've become acquainted with a guy and think he'd be a good friend, take the lead and invite him along for something fun. Chicks bond over sitting around chatting, but men bond over shared experience and struggle. So plan a hike or surfing or something like that. Or just invite him to join you for a workout.

That should be a good start for now.

You should also pick up that book How to Win Friends and Influence People

mwise003 · 2018-05-22T15:54:19+00:00

People like to talk about themselves and their life. Just ask them questions and take a genuine interest in what they are saying. When/if their eyes light up on a particular subject, ask them more about it.

NewHum · 2018-05-22T22:30:40+00:00

As someone who used to be horrible at this and is now amazing at it here are some quick tips

Treat absolutely everyone with respect and take small interest about what they’re doing

I think Sage Northcut ( the UFC fighter) is the best possible example of this and I do the exact same thing. Be careful to not be the guy who is to nice so people try to step on you (boundaries are important) but still be nice to people. Being nice to people and taking an interest in their lifes starts a chain reaction of people being nice to you because you’re nice to them. It gets even better when others see how everyone is super nice to you which automatically makes you the guy who everyone likes.

learn to be a touchy person

There is a direct correlation on how much you touch people and how much they like you and enjoy being around you. You will need to spend a lot of time practicing it so it doesn’t come of as weird and creepy but when it’s done correctly it works absolute wonders.

The secret here is to make sure that you touch everyone you meet or you will look like creep if you only want to touch specific people. The other secret is to make it feel good and make it short. For guys you should indulge in short nice taps on the shoulder or back (don’t hit them), high fives and of course fist bumps.

For girl you can do all of the stuff that works on guys but you can also add some gentle squeeze of the shoulder (be gentle and never hover). You can also do something what I call the “akimbo shoulder squeeze (I have way to much time in life haha)” which is when you come from the behind and give them a gentle, short shoulder squeeze. You can best use this when coming past them or when they are sitting down as you come to the table or something. One thing to know is that you shouldn’t do this to the girls your not quite familiar with or it can be highly creepy.

There is a lot to learn in regards to touching so you should do your own research. This was just a small taste.

Have fun for yourself

This one is the most important one! People loooooovvee fun people who go around life having fun and being positive. People have stressful lifes so who doesn’t want to have a friend who can make any situation fun and less boring.

The important thing to know here is to never be a clown. A clown is someone who wants to pretend to be fun to impress and entertain others people. What you need to become is a guy who just is fun and doesn’t care if there are other with him. He has fun with his life and just let’s people join if they so wish. He’s not there to impress people and tell jokes to make others laugh.

He has fun being it makes his own life better and jokes because it makes himself laugh. Others are merely there because they’re along for the ride. That’s the guy you want to be!!!!

There is obviously a lot more stuff but I master those three things and I really think you’ll already be in the top 10% of likable people.

Good luck man:)

mchilds83 · 2018-05-22T17:42:29+00:00

My concern here is that to be somebody that everybody likes, you must live your life like a politician. You hold your cards close and don't air your political views, or any serious views which are divisive. For me, life isn't worth living if I must be fake or withhold my true colours so I'm fine with a small cult following of sincere friends versus a shallow mainstream crowd.

DBsix · 2018-05-22T22:41:53+00:00

I was thinking about this today. And I reached a conclusion. People who end up thinking of themselves as "spergy" or similar, don't realise that their sperginess also gives them certain qualities and tools against the problems said sperginess causes.

First realise that while these forums will give you a lot of great advice, it will still be stuff that applies to the general population, and does not consider many other variables that affect a human being, like early childhood experiences, family and growing up situation, teenage experiences, etc etc. These are unique to every individual, and so you will have to figure out many things on your own through trial and error. If you don't take this journey on your own, you will simply never get there. Progress will be discouragingly slow, and most give up and surrender to the shadow of the sperg.

Your sperginess is a great gift as well if you know how to look at it like one. Because sperginess is anxiety, a desperate fear of unknown situations and new people. Spergs will spend hours sub/consciously planning and analysing situations for this reason. It gives them the feeling of security, which is a prerequisite to the feeling of confidence.

So spergs need to make their need to plan and analyse as a weapon. They need to consciously do it for their benefit, rather than making it debilitate them at a subconscious level.

Take a pen and paper. Write down the problem. Write down what all steps have you taken, and things that you have tried till now to solve the problem. Then think and plan the next thing you want to try, to solve this issue. Try it for some time. Write what went good and what went bad. Then plan the next step and do the same with it. Amazing insight will be gained through this process, and generally a spergy guy will enjoy this kind of stuff, as well as get massive benefits from it. You will eventually reach a point where you will solve this issue to a level that you are happy with it, and then move on to the next higher level problem in your life.

Also, wear your sperginess as a badge of honor. Utilise the fuck out of your spergy gift at every aspect of it. Fall in love with it. You will become a good percentage more attractive just by this itself. Because the people who appreciate these qualities in others will be able to see that in you straight away. Sperginess is value in survival terms if it is embraced and loved, and used as a tool for self growth. Women are designed to recognize value in men. They will love to Netflix and chill with your super sexy sperg cock, soon enough.

_the_shape_ · 2018-05-22T18:28:29+00:00

Always found it super easy to meet guy friends before my Low T/depression life began. Now that I've awakened i'm coming back to normal my social skills are coming back 'muscle memory'.

What i do is, when i meet people i always remember their name and engage them in their interests then listen attentively. I show interest in what they have to say, their experiences and empathize. If there's commonality I will 'relate' to them through my experience to build rapport. Once rapport has been established I will ask them to hang out at some point, coordinate logistics and voila!

Women think men can bond over anything and i tend to agree. I can bond with a homie over pretty much anything just because i listen very well, never judge/critique and joke around (depending on how sensitive the dude seems like)

FemtoG · 2018-05-22T21:35:28+00:00

Rule #1: look good
Rule #2: look good
Rule #3: have style

etc etc with regards to aesthetics. and try to be around cool people.

now onto the deeper ways:

be nonjudgmental
be empathetic
know when to be vulnerable

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zqpRxW5Eek0

also have a good understand of what your type of people is. you cant love everyone and you will always have natural enemies.

also being nice is completely uncorrelated with having boundaries. the fact you feel pressure in this sphere is autistic. you can just be nice, and say no nicely when you want to.

bigbodybuilderr · 2018-05-22T22:21:36+00:00

I work at a pretty wealthy country club and many members love me (thats means more tips)

What I do is I make sure to remember their names and ask about their lives

IronJohnKwando · 2018-05-22T19:28:27+00:00

Offer value. Compliment people on their strengths. Provide good times create good memories/stories to tell in the future.

Thunderfin · 2018-05-22T23:56:13+00:00

Read How to Win Friends and Influence People by Carnegie, for bro-to-bro and professional relationships.

Also don't want to be the type that is SO NICE that people start taking advantage of me, which happened in the past, I was too accommodating and friendly that people didn't take me serious.

Read NMMNG for girl-boy relationships. Set boundaries. Say what you like and what you agree/disagree with.

saggygooch20 · 2018-05-22T15:53:41+00:00

Spazzy boi here. Looking for similar information.

RedPillAlphaBigCock · 2018-05-22T20:41:00+00:00

Step one is build your self up - be disciplined in your passions, eat and lift and take care and love yourself - step 2 is talk about them and really listen

Morphs_ · 2018-05-23T09:01:01+00:00

Besides the obvious stuff (be positive, listen and be interested in the other person), there's also level of charisma that is hard to develop.

I know a guy that had this type of charisma. Best PUA I've ever seen and having this magnetic effect on people. Even we guys wanted to be around him. It's like his SMV was so high that we all wanted a piece of that energy. I always had this feeling that he possessed some kind of knowledge and being around him would lift me to that level.

He was kind of ADHD though, so he was always on the move, doing stuff. Maybe that was another thing I found so appealing about him, he was basically gaming us by having limited availability. Or maybe we were just one step below him on the ladder so there was a slight difference in social standing, he could teach us, but we couldn't really teach him something.

Doing lots of different things is definitely also an important factor. Developing all kinds of skills fanatically (dancing, languages, etc.) and putting yourself in all kinds of adventures (travel). All these experiences make you a more interesting person, the experience and subsequent wisdom will radiate and signals people that you are interesting.

Title	How to develop a personality that people like to be around?
Author	resnine
Upvotes	47
Comments	37
Date	May 22, 2018 3:46 PM UTC (8 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/8lazbk/how_to_develop_a_personality_that_people_like_to/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/how-to-develop-a-personality-that-people-like-to.736 https://theredarchive.com/post/736

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