Dear RPW, A few months ago I befriended a guy at my university. I was only interested in him as a friend, and we became very close very quickly. Let’s call him Sam. We would get food together sometimes and he would pay on occasion, which I was flattered by but it made me slightly uncomfortable since I wasn’t interested in him romantically. He was a gentleman which is difficult to find at universities these days. To compensate, I bought him food once too and insisted on leaving the tip one time he paid.

A week or two into our friendship he introduced me to his friends and I was immediately attracted to one of them (let’s call him Oliver). Oliver and I talked at over lunch with Sam and other friends. I write for a student publication, which had its launch party. I invited Sam , and Oliver showed up independently. Sam had to leave early for another event but Oliver stayed to help me clean up. We talked and went to his room and ended up making out.

Fast forward again, after sleeping with Oliver some days later, he ended flings with two plates he was spinning to ask me out officially. We’ve been on two proper dates so far, and today he talked about us being exclusive. I’m pleased and wouldn’t mind being in a relationship with him, but...

I would like him to be a bit more of a gentleman, the way Sam is. I understand I shouldn’t demand too much, or expect him to pay (especially at college where we’re all broke) but after Sam paid for a meal for me, even though I wasn’t interested in him and didn’t hook up with him, I was impressed.

I’m not saying Oliver has to pay for my every meal, but on our first date he pushed ahead of me in the ticket line for the play we were seeing (this power move made me assume he was going to pay) but he only got a ticket for himself. I was next in line so I got my own. When we had dinner another time, he also didn’t pay.

Ladies, I don’t expect to be wined and dined and paid for at every meal, but early in the relationship I’d like to set a precedent that gentlemanliness is something I value a lot, and if he paid for one or two meals it would mean a lot to me.

Is there any way I can communicate this to Oliver without seeming naggy or demanding?

A few months ago I was talking to my dad about relationships (a big move, he’s conservative and we never really talked about me and men before) and he said that I could date whoever I pleased, but he expects the guy to open to door for me and/or pay for meals. I know times have changed since my dad was young and dating my mother, but if I’m going to consider Oliver as a serious relationship, I want him to be a man about it; at least in the eyes of my dad.

Any advice?