Being an a FDS hardship or a not like other girls situation?

RestingBitchFace12 · 2021-05-02T03:17:35+00:00

Many people mistake boundaries and respect for yourself as “man hating”.

gingerwabisabi · 2021-05-02T02:44:54+00:00

It's hard to find the right balance between telling people valuable information that is hard to get, like FDS, and making them feel condescended to and controlled. I recommend not talking about it that much and letting them ask you if they really want your opinion. You can simply say you prefer not to talk much about guys and act bored every time they try... your good example will probably sink in more than your words.

EffectiveHoneydew422 · 2021-05-02T03:52:41+00:00

Yeah I found a similar thing when my eyes were open I had an urge to push FDS on friends who ids say are now recovering pickmes. But I can honestly say just confidently and unapologetically stating your values and standards (such as block delete etc) and not pushing any of your own agenda on anyone is effective and stressless way of adopting FDS principals and doing it at your own pace and to what level you are comfortable with. Remember pickme programming is bloody hard to break out of, and your friends have the right to learn there lessons for themselves, as long as they dont drain you with the same stuff over and over it's totally fine I have plenty of friends/ aquatintes that are pretty pickme but Unless they ask advice or about what I would do etc I dont tell them "hes only using you for sex block delete" I can honestly report that by simply not being shy about what principles i chose to live by, and what my standards are for me, it has had an influence on younger girls feeling like it ok for them to have higher standards too.

janetheautomaton · 2021-05-02T05:16:47+00:00

I understand the feeling of wanting to warn your friends, but it's very easy to take a preaching tone if you're not mindful, especially among your peers. You're all probably around a similar age, and the last thing a young adult wants is to be lectured by another young adult. Your their friend, not their mother.

Here it's probably better to be the example rather than give one. Show them what HV is by demonstrating and expecting HV behavior without apology or explanation. Don't feel as if you have to justify or champion your cause. We are HVW, not missionaries. Stop "warning" your friends and just lend a sympathetic ear when they want it, for as long as you can bear it. Let "I wouldn't do that because..." become "Do you want to do that?/Are you okay with doing that?" Let "You know he's just [textbook LVM behavior]" become "If I told you some guy was doing that to me, what would you say?" Let them come to their own conclusions.

The tragedy is that they may come to conclusions that are not acceptable to you. That is their right and just how life goes sometimes. Some of your friends may be incompatible with who you want to be. Then again, some friends may have other attributes that make up for their pickmeism. Who knows? Only you.

Like you said, you and your friends are still young. The you of ten years from now probably won't be the you of now. It's the same for your friends. Don't worry so much about being judged by your fellow tweenagers or about converting them to the one true way. Just focus on your own growth and be as good a friend as you can be according to your own principles. If that means being radically honest with them, okay. If that means taking a more passive role, okay. If that means detaching from certain people, okay. Try to remember that we don't all value the same things to the same degree. Some marry early. Some never do. You can love and support someone while disagreeing with them, within reason.

ChocoBananza · 2021-05-02T05:20:52+00:00

A man hater, huh? Well, #NotAllMen 😁. Just the abusive, low effort man-babies.

I’ve been there, and trust me, the self doubt wears off quickly. It took me almost year to go full FDS, and in that time I’ve learned how to talk to my pickme friends. A piece of advice that’s often mentioned here - don’t judge them, don’t over-explain, just repeat after them. Ask them if they think of a certain incident that they’ve described. Talk to them about your positive experiences with levelling up. Watch as they wake up.

I got quite a few pickmes to pick up their self esteem of the floor using that tactic. Unfortunately, for others it was too late, and I decided to preserve my mental energy and let them be pickmes, but like, over there, far away from me.

Also, congrats on your progress!

betsybasset · 2021-05-02T04:30:04+00:00

?

Being an FDS follower means you're putting yourself FIRST as a person as opposed to what's the society been feeding us with 'you must be nice' crap on top of your own self preservation.

This includes questioning the notion of being an FDS us 'hardship' nor 'like other girls'.

Precisely to stop these second-guessing habit.

Follow your instinct. Have conviction over it . Trust your gut.

Remember that peoples feelings towards you are something you can't control.

You can only control what you're feeling. Including trusting your instinct.

And if it feels 'wrong' , it usually is.

ScalesHaveFallen · 2021-05-02T06:03:05+00:00

College years and the first forays of adult relationships are where the rubber meets the road in terms of your friends showing their childhood attachment injuries and beginning to bump up against their neediness and inability to identify and navigate away from men who aren’t good for them.

You’re ahead of them developmentally. I say this as someone who was like your friends during college years. The girls I knew who were like you, and are women now? Have good careers. Satisfying marriages within which they raise children reasonably equitably. Pretty good finances overall. I do not.

haunted_vcr · 2021-05-02T09:23:52+00:00

If they're your friends, you gotta respect them and what they choose to experience, hard as it may be to watch.

I have noticed most people "wake up" when they reach a breaking point and they realize their current mindset isn't serving them. If they ask, you are welcome to share yours.

The best way to get your point across is just to live rather then talk. When people see you have internal peace and success, and are maybe even in a truly happy HV relationship, they'll want to know how you did it.

thinktwiceorelse · 2021-05-02T11:11:39+00:00

If I were you, I would definitely focus on myself. I was a person who when discovered something great, like a job opportunity, an interesting idea, scholarships or different ways to level up, I'd immediately shared with my friends, because I wanted to help. It's like I wanted to level up their lives instead of mine. I stopped doing that, and I feel much better.

aquietsword · 2021-05-02T07:01:55+00:00

Whenever I feel like I have info that might benefit someone, I try to gauge receptivity first. If it seems like they are determined to make their own mistakes, I kind of just have to back away. At that point I have to make a decision on how much I want to interact with that person if they are refusing to better themselves.

Title	Being an a FDS hardship or a not like other girls situation?
Author	pozzalovah
Upvotes	89
Comments	14
Date	May 2, 2021 2:36 AM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/n2xb60/being_an_a_fds_hardship_or_a_not_like_other_girls/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/being-an-a-fds-hardship-or-a-not-like-other-girls.759681 https://theredarchive.com/post/759681

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