Not All Men

I’m not sure when I began to hear it but the distinction between me and men’s lives was clear at even a very young age.

I watched as my brother could walk alone at night while listening to music without any concerns. I instead had been taught by my mother early on how to defend myself. To grasp keys between fingers or how to stun a man.

I remember at a very young age there was news going around about a man kidnapping women and girls by hiding under their car and slashing their ankles. About a decade has passed since then but the thought crosses my mind some nights alone before I take that cautionary look into the back seat.

Going to school, I was called a slut for wearing a v-cut shirt solely because my chest was bigger. On a girl who was an a cup, no one said a word about her wearing the same shirt. They just sexulized me who was only 12 years only.

I remember being told to cover up around men, to not wear that in public for fear of being harassed. Even as an adult women, I still face issues with wearing a skirt to even just the grocery store.

I remember the fear of crossing past a sketchy gas station at 10 years old and it growing into the same fear nowadays.

I feel the anxiety of not knowing if my bedroom window is locked every night and having to check it before I sleep.

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The second a woman feels the relief to speak about these situations, to feel a Hey! I can relate to that a voice speaks up. The same voice you’re not sure if you should be weary about at the store or in the alley. The same voice who may tell you your concerns are not valid as you’re thinking irrationally. The same voice you fear hearing behind your shoulder late at night.

And that voice says But not all men.

By saying not all men, you are taking the spot light and choosing to reframe on yourself. You are choosing to belittle the thoughts or fears because your ego becomes hurt as you group yourself in with the category of men who are being described. A man who understands and empathizes doesn’t need us to say not all men because they understand exactly what we mean. You push away the women who wish to tell their stories by making them fear they’ll become the next subject for gossip or sneering.

As we walk down the street at night and see a man at the end of it, should we choose to walk past him because we do not want to offend him by making him think all men? Are our lives, our fears less important than your ego?

How many more women have to die, to be harassed before you begin to understand?

In the 50s/60’s, my grandmother was abused domestically by a man.

In the 80’s, my aunt was raped after her night working at a bar and gave up her child to adoption.

In the 90’s, my second aunt was subject to an abusive marriage so she wouldn’t lose her children.

In the 90’s, my 10 year old cousin was brutally raped and murdered by a man who mistook her for his cousin during a sleepover.

In the 2000’s, my third aunt was constantly brushed off by male doctors for her pains until they eventually took her seriously and discovered she had ovarian cancer.

In 2008 I was groomed by many older men online while I was just a middle schooler.

In 2009, me and my siblings dealt with a peeping Tom who hid in the bushes of our backyard and took photos.

In 2012 I was drugged and sexually assaulted.

In 2017, I was raped in my sleep by a boyfriend.

Time has not changed the harassment and death women face from men but we have made our voices louder. I have faced many fears in my life regarding men and the thing is? My stories aren’t unique, they happen to so many women in the world.

Instead of trying to argue all men, actually listen to what the women around you are trying to say. Be there for them. Learn and protect the ones you can.

We deserve to live in peace.

Ladies, never stop vetting. Never let a man try to gaslight you especially to tell you who you are. A man who understands, loves and cherishes you will understand when you explain your feelings.

You are all queens and your stories are valid. You are valid. Never think otherwise. 💕