Conflicted about the girl I've been dating the last 2 years

DesperateChemical · 2018-06-13T05:24:49+00:00

Abundance mentality.

If you better yourself (lift, work, hobbies, reading, ect.) for the next 10 years you will be able to get a "better" girl. Have abundance mentality.

But if you want a family, if that is one of your goals, then couples that have lower ncounts and marry young tend to do better.

That said, (and this part is moralizing, not redpill) I feel for the girls. Women don't age as gracefully as men do, they can't put off kids and family like we can. If you are not ready for kids and marriage I would ditch your LTR, no contact her and let her get on with her life. I personally feel bad for girls who want to commit and have kids so they commit to a LTR that isn't going to end up that way for them. I did this to a girl and felt pretty bad about it, so now I just spin plates and stay away from LTRs.

W_O_M_B_A_T · 2018-06-13T10:46:37+00:00

Relax, you're getting paranoid. Get your hand back on the goddamn rudder. This wouldn't be a problem if your mission was your priority. Having a good first mate helps you get there.

IF she's as golden as you claim, then LTR her. She's not asking you to run off to the courthouse tomorrow night. Give it a few years, keep vetting her. Meanwhile focus on your mission.

Remember that if things go south with her, you have Always other options to choose from. meanwhile your mission will keep rolling forward regardless.

She seems kinda out my league if i'm being honest.

Don't ever say that again. Not even to yourself.

You aren't being honest. Your internal frame is weak, you have inferiority beliefs. You paid attenton to her looks and not to your mission.

Being a man makes you stronger, more capable mentally, more mature, and give you more social status by default. You have the balls, you're the decider of the relationship. Nobody gives a fuck who she is or what she looks like. Period. End of discussion.

[deleted] · 2018-06-13T08:46:14+00:00

If you can date a girl that sounds like a 8+ now, then you're not going to have much difficulty finding another one, in case that worries you.

xXxOrcaxXx · 2018-06-13T10:59:07+00:00

Contrary to what most others will probably tell you, I'd lean more towards "giving in" to her request. Biologically speaking, women are build to have babies while they are younger, which, if handled responsibly, leads to more happiness for the woman. It is my belief that if you can't see any red flags in your relationship, then you should take this opportunity to settle early with someone you can trust.

In the end you have to be happy with the decision. But be aware that while there is a chance that you will find someone that you click with just as good or even better later in life, it is far from a given and the older you are the slimmer the chances. Additionally, while rare, there are still women who can actually control their impulsive, branch-swinging behaviour. If you think that you've found such a woman, and you are sure of it, then I would not pass such an opportunity.

waylonw · 2018-06-13T09:35:24+00:00

If you aren’t ready for marriage then definitely don’t get married. That is a huge commitment and it’s one you should be sure about. However, I would make that known too her. Don’t keep her guessing on where you are at in the relationship. If she hangs around even after you tell her that’s great, but if not you certainly dodged a bullet.

As for her being “the one”, there are 7 billion people on the planet with roughly half (give or take a few million) being female... there’s always someone else.

throwinghthisoneaway · 2018-06-13T08:43:14+00:00

Try your best to keep her around and put the kids off for a while. Youve been dating for only two years. Thats not long at all. Get to know her more, travel with her. See her in more areas of life. I dont think a good relationship with a submissive woman is worth dropping over wanting more committment. You can stall. You can make her wait. If shes serious about YOU and not just wanting kids she’ll stay with you. This is her opportunity to prove her value and commitment to you. Talk about it. Tell her no for now. Its too early, you wanna see if thats what you really want with her. And then watch everything she does for you skyrocket to the extreme or fall off. Just wait

MrAgamemnon · 2018-06-13T06:14:28+00:00

I was also in this same place not too long ago, where it was marriage or call it quits. I called it with someone very suitable for marriage, who would have made a good wife and mother.

It was the right decision, but as I look back on it now, with people around me, friends and family, having kids - I do occasionally regret it.

While there are plenty of fish in the sea, the more I look around the more I see that most women aren't fit to be mothers these days. Most in their early 20s aren't interested for the most part, school/career/travel. I can't see myself finding a suitable woman in her late 20s, they all have far too much baggage with them. Speaking as a guy in his early 30s.

I can't help but think back to Mountbatten telling prince Charles "marry someone young and inexperienced".

I believe I do want to get married to have children someday, but that day isn't for another 8-9-10 years or so.

The older you get the greater the chances of defects, autism, Down syndrome, etc., despite what some say the father's age does play a part in this. Keep it pre-mid 30s.

Two_kids_in_a_coat · 2018-06-13T12:51:58+00:00

As long as you’re feeling that she’s “out of your league” there’s gonna be issues. Why haven’t you been bettering yourself this whole time? Why aren’t you amazing enough to replace her if need be?

chazthundergut · 2018-06-13T13:29:53+00:00

Don't marry her or commit to marriage. But don't break up with her just because you don't want to get married right now.

Just take it easy and see how things go. You've still got plenty of time to make a decision.

GrandmasterHurricane · 2018-06-13T13:53:52+00:00

Why do u even want to get married? And u jean to tell me that out of the billions of girls in exsitence, only this one is a good match for u?

exscionewhuman · 2018-06-13T07:14:24+00:00

Are you enjoying your time with her? Do you want to have kids? That's all you need to ask yourself.

20 years from now if you were single and alone, would you have wished that you stayed with her?

Don't listen to all the angry manlets on here about marriage and/or having a family and not trusting women. Yes you need to be extremely careful and not needy and not desperate and not searching etc. If you are a fucked up person you are going to get a fucked up relationship. You can't trust men, either, btw.

Assuming that is not the case with you, believe it or not, you could have a good life with this girl.

Just kidding this is TRP, HARD NEXT!

Quantum_Jiraiya · 2018-06-13T08:18:20+00:00

It is by no means uncommon to date but not marry someone for 4 or 5 years. If at that point you felt more ready you could propose and still ride out as fiances for another year or two.

If the sex life is good... the sex life is good. Having sex with 10 7’s isn’t going to feel significantly better than having sex 10 times with an 8 LTR. If you are unhappy just bring it up, and you can try new things. Before breaking it off I’d probably go down this path and see if she might be interested in MFF threesomes, which she might like anyways.

redxpills · 2018-06-13T11:47:13+00:00

If you're not redpilled yet, go find some future possibilities of marriage from people experiences, you will likely hate the concept of marriage. But if you don't believe on redpill, marry her when you're ready. If you're not ready, don't marry her.

[deleted] · 2018-06-13T12:46:29+00:00

Yea what’s the rush to marry now? Why not continue the LTR until you are sure you want to marry her. If it’s an ultimatum then definitely don’t marry her. Remind her that you two can still be commuted without the government in your relationship! And that your love and commitment is stronger than any government contract. Let her know that marriage is a huge step now days and that you need to be very ver sure before making that commitment.

Velebit · 2018-06-13T12:59:22+00:00

So whats the issue? It does not fit perfectly with your neat little timetable of expectations? Or you wanna monkeybranch?

dandar4600 · 2018-06-13T13:15:10+00:00

You always feel you have so much time at 25. Truth is you really don't. Time tends to sneak up on you. Having kids early means you are empty nesters around 50 and still have plenty of time for fun, traveling etc. You do it later and by the time your kid is in college you're an old man. If you can afford it and the girls is vetted and is good don't be afraid to go for it.

NewBoomAction · 2018-06-13T16:17:41+00:00

Just don't date. Problem solved, amigo. 😂

Peter_B_Long · 2018-06-13T18:37:54+00:00

If that's the only reason that you feel like you want to end things, then the break up is going to be kinda rough. I broke up with an exLTR of 5 years. It was 2 weeks before I turned 23. Same reason as you. I didn't want to get married / have kids and she did, but I did have other minor reasons like, she had a lot of guy friends, I wanted to spin plates and increase my n-count, her family was very toxic, and a few other reasons.

I'll be honest with you, even though I've spun 6 plates since the break up last year, none of them have been "better" than my ex. My ex set the bar pretty high in regards to looks, submissiveness, caring, etc. It doesn't make me miss her or regret my decision, but it just makes me realize that I need to improve myself EVEN MORE than I already have and that "good" LTR's are actually hard to find.

hormoan · 2018-06-13T14:08:20+00:00

If she really is the unicorn you say and no red flags go for it. If she is younger than you of course and not a career girl. She still has her looks and her fertility. Make some babies and don't fall for the stupid traps of trading up just for thr sake of it. You will regret it later.

Title	Conflicted about the girl I've been dating the last 2 years
Author	goldenguy2017
Upvotes	42
Comments	40
Date	June 13, 2018 5:15 AM UTC (8 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/8qpv2p/conflicted_about_the_girl_ive_been_dating_the/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/conflicted-about-the-girl-ive-been-dating-the-last.769 https://theredarchive.com/post/769

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