Long post! I knew about sexual coercion before this happened, but I failed to recognize it happening to me and so I figured maybe it was worth sharing. So, to the story (warning, it's long):

My ex was from another country, and my father lives in a big city with an airport, so when my ex came or left for his country, we would end up crashing at my dad’s place for a few days. Whenever we had been apart and met up, he would be sexually frustrated and try to talk me into having sex in the guest room of my dad’s apartment. I hated it every time.

I literally hated it. How is it sexy to have your own DAD close by? How is it sexy to worry about your DAD overhearing? I was always dry as fuck because I just couldn’t enjoy it, because guess what? I didn’t want to have sex there. Ever. Not even once. Not even when my dad was away from the apartment, because who knows when he’d return, right?

Not to mention that I find it disrespectful - it’s not my bed, it’s a guest bed. We are not the only guests to ever stay there and I sure as hell would find it disturbing to sleep in a guest bed where a relative of mine has had sex with their significant other. The mere idea of sex in that room turned me off. I could’ve had the sexiest, most caring and loving HVM in that bed and I still wouldn't have wanted to have sex in that bed.

But my ex was so coercive. He talked about how long we’d been apart without being able to have sex, how much he wanted me, hadn’t I missed him too, what do you mean you don’t want to have sex, why not, the guest room is so far away from the living room so your dad won’t hear, we’ll be quiet, your dad is probably asleep, I’ve missed you so much and missed having sex with you, if you don’t wanna have sex here then are we not gonna have sex for a week until we get home even after waiting for each other so long already, bla bla bla.

I remember trying to refute all of his arguments, and always ending up without reasons to not have sex. So I let him have sex with my bone dry vagina. Me not wanting to have sex, purely because we were in the guest room of my father’s apartment and because it made me uncomfortable? That wasn’t good enough. I needed a proper excuse in his eyes in order to turn down sex. Sex was to be had unless I had, in his eyes, a good enough excuse not to. And since he loved having sex with me, it had to be a serious and convincing excuse.

So when posts about dead bedrooms include “my wife always has excuses for why we shouldn’t have sex” - all I can think of is how coercive her partner is. She’s not allowed to say no. Of course she’ll start collecting excuses like they’re rare Pokémon cards if excuses are her only way to turn you down! No one wants to be coerced into sex and no one wants to sleep with a coercive partner. If you don’t like the amount of sex you get from your partner, then you’re not entitled to pressure them into giving you more sex - instead, you’re entitled to leave and to find someone more “suitable”. In my case, my ex is entitled to fuck off.

Also bonus points: he’d always blame his sexual “needs” on me - “you’re too sexy, it’s your fault, maybe if you didn’t turn me on so much”. Even back when I was sexually attracted to him, I didn’t randomly dry hump him, pressure him for sex, grab his dick and ass like an obsessed person, ask for nudes, salivate at the thought of sex... I swear, there are non-neutered male dogs that behave better than that 💀

He is never touching my body again ✌️ And that fact gives me immense peace and pleasure.