Dating to marry vs. Dating to be happy? (My thoughts in the comments)

2021-04-19T17:43:28+00:00

[deleted]

frustratedanon123 · 2021-04-19T19:04:59+00:00

I am not entering into any "relationships" going forward. Men will be advised, if there is mutual interest, that I am looking to be someone's wife and not someone's girlfriend. Until I receive a ring, I will not be exclusive anymore. I will not perform the same tasks a wife would without the title. Furthermore, I own my own home, make a comfortable living in my chosen field, and am a contributing member of my local community at the age of 28. I will not be entertaining any more underachieving losers with the hope of obtaining the low bar of a "committed relationship." Happiness? My family makes me happy. My pets make me happy. My job makes me happy. My hobbies make me happy. My girlfriends make me happy. I don't need a man to be happy.

Charming-Bee-2337 · 2021-04-19T20:13:09+00:00

Why not both? Dont marry someone just to marry, make sure youre happy with them but also let them know you want to be married.

CandidKick · 2021-04-19T23:17:56+00:00

Ever wonder what a bad marriage is like? From what other women tell me, I imagine it like this: imagine you wake up and someone has broken into your home and has taken everything valuable from you.

A bad marriage is like that + they destroy your career, drain your bank account, cause you to lose touch with your friends and family. He turns everyone around you against you. Gaslights you. Even your identity, the person you are, is stolen from you.

If you have ever been robbed, you know that feeling. That pit in your stomach. But in a bad marriage, the feeling stays and you feel trapped because society does it’s best to keep you trapped.

The best thing a woman can do when it comes to marriage is marry well or not at all.

Spicy-kitty · 2021-04-19T20:29:01+00:00

I kind of agree more with the woman on the top because I feel like the one on the bottom might lead to a forever girlfriend situation

valkyriegoll · 2021-04-19T22:17:56+00:00

I'm the top, time is valuable and if someone doesn't have their long term goals figured out, next. It should be both though. Dating for happiness and marriage, but there should be goals and expectations.

barmitzvahmoney · 2021-04-19T22:50:38+00:00

I think dating to marry means making sure whoever you are dating is capable of taking care of themselves like a adult, shows responsibility and manages their money well. Someone’s when we are younger we date wildly inappropriate people just for fun or the experience.

goddessofspring_ · 2021-04-19T17:09:41+00:00

Do people seriously think we date do marry AND be unhappy? We date for both. Both is an option.

A woman doesn't put up with a man because she wants to get married. She puts up with a man because she wants to be married to HIM specifically. This is the number one mistake women make.

Don't date the guy you love, date the one who loves you if possible. You chase the men you love and it turns them off unbelievably. This is something my mother told me and I can tell you, it's great advice.

PinkBlair99 · 2021-04-20T03:14:08+00:00

Hear me out... what if we straight women stopped believing a romantic/sexual cohabiting relationship with a man was a prerequisite for and only type of “family”?

pretty_kill · 2021-04-19T19:52:20+00:00

Well, date to be happy ofc. If he’s not making you happy, then why is he around at all?

However, if you’re dating and happy, and you haven’t gotten married after a certain amount of time, red flag. If he doesn’t want to marry you, then he is still expecting his dream girl to come along, and he will leave you when he thinks he’s found her. A girlfriend in a long term live-in relationship without marriage is just a bangmaid for the man. He is just using you for sex, cleaning, and other benefits. He doesn’t see a life forever with you, but is fine with you now. And if marriage is your life goal, ditch that loser.

Now if he wants to get married but you don’t, to protect assets or whatever, totally understandable. He can be your forever boyfriend, as long as you are choosing that to be the situation, and he would want to marry you otherwise.

what-is-sleep- · 2021-04-18T21:52:39+00:00

I saw this on instagram and personally I disagree with it. I date to marry, and instead of ignoring red flags in the first few dates, it makes me notice them more. E.g. if he's cheap now, he'll be cheap with me in the future, make me bear the brunt of emotional labour, want to be FiFtY fIfTy...

This post just seemed to suggest dating to marry meant ignoring red flags for the sake of a future, which in a way would be future faking yourself/dating for "potential"?

I'm interested to hear what you all think

vee_aye_aye_aye · 2021-04-19T18:13:54+00:00

Dating to be "happy" allows a LVM to string you along as a forever girlfriend with no expectations. Happy is such a nebulous word that a sufficiently nasty scrote can gaslight you into being his bangmaid for a decade and still retain the ability to play the market. Dating to marry allows you to develop a game plan for the future. What you will and won't put up with in a husband. How long you plan to see him in the trial period before calling it quits. There's nothing wrong with visualizing a future of any kind for yourself as long as you A) Fight for it and follow it through to the end B) Don't superimpose your fantasy over reality. Always see the men in your scrotation for what they are.

Coincidentally OP I heard a similar platitude before from my pornsick NVM ex when I was 19. He told me my "problem" was that I saw happiness as a given part of my future (when I talked about looking to be married someday (though not to him lmao)) whereas he never expected to be happy but took things one day at a time. This has that same energy. He's a NEET who lives alone and is pornsick now.

If you don't have expectations for the future you can't create boundaries and expectations when seeing people. Being that lackadaisical about marriage benefits scrotes not you and allows them to waste your time in LTRs and situationships being someone's bangmaid.

Title	Dating to marry vs. Dating to be happy? (My thoughts in the comments)
Author	what-is-sleep-
Upvotes	287
Comments	18
Date	April 18, 2021 9:45 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/mtm93q/dating_to_marry_vs_dating_to_be_happy_my_thoughts/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/dating-to-marry-vs-dating-to-be-happy-my-thoughts.777716 https://theredarchive.com/post/777716

Comments