I’m getting out of a 10 year relationship (4 years married) and I’m so thrilled! Finding FDS was a huge motivator for me. I’m so excited to work on myself and really find out what I want. Living alone has me soooo pumped. I love it. I love doing the growing I should have been doing ten years or more ago and couldn’t because I was a CSA survivor and serial monogamist. Now I’m alone. And it’s great!!! I never imagined I would be so happy to be alone, to know that I don’t need a relationship to be whole or to be valid.

My family was like “wow took you long enough to leave.” Which is better than anger, I guess. My ex isn’t abusive or anything, he’s actually just really boring and an enabler of my issues. LVM for sure, but not a cheater etc. My family is just happy I can feel mentally free to pursue my own things and potentially end up with someone who is a net positive in my life.

But the MOMENT I start fantasizing aloud about what I might like in a man, my standards are too high and they get pressed. Mind, I entered an abusive relationship at 11 in which I was sexually groomed and prior to that had zero interest in men (I’m possibly on the spectrum). So, I’ve never actually talked about a “dream guy” with anyone before.

Now, I’m not setting myself up with dream guy propaganda. I was just saying to my mom that I’ve never dated a guy I thought had a relatively attractive natural scent and would like to see what major histocompatibility is all about! That’s a weird one I guess but I’m very scent aware and some people do just have a better natural scent than others…I also listed no porn use, dresses well relative to local norms, educated about many of the same topics that I am so we can have good discussions, similar lifestyle goals/perspective on diet etc, aaaaaaaand that I would like to finally date someone I find visually attractive.

That last one is important because that’s when my family members lost their minds. I was told I would need to compromise (cue Eartha Kitt “COMPROMISE FOR WHAT?”) blah blah blah. But I’ve spent my whole life dating men I wasn’t strongly attracted to, to feel secure in the relationship and because I thought desire was about being wanted. I never really gave priority to my wants.

Everyone is fine with me saying no porn and educated. Even though that’s much rarer than a decent jawline or regular gym time. The MHC thing is dismissed as a quirk of being a biologist/perfume collector. BUT HOW DARE I ASK FOR A FULL HEAD OF HAIR AND A HANDSOME FACE!

They cannot conceive of me, the codependent train wreck, actually being happier alone than with someone who is ugly, smelly, poorly groomed, not able to converse with me, or all of the above.

Joke is on them doubly:

  1. My FDS mindset is here to stay and it’s gonna make my life so much better.

  2. The person who meets these standards could very well be a woman.