'I’ve invested too much time:' Reasons we stay in relationships longer than we should (The Sunk Cost Fallacy, among others)

Platipus6 · 2021-06-24T01:03:18+00:00

He's going to understand that he hurt me any minute now. I just need to explain it one more time 🤡

shelballama · 2021-06-24T01:21:17+00:00

We don't talk about the sunken cost fallacy enough. I had issues hopping out of unhealthy relationships a few times because of how much time and effort I'd put in or what we "went through" together

PeachyPlum3 · 2021-06-24T01:21:33+00:00

More often than not, women don't want to walk away from an investment. It's hard. Been there. The suffering in the now is so not worth it. Don't stay for later pay out.

Eva4ever28 · 2021-06-24T00:50:41+00:00

I had a child with him. Felt too old to start over (I was 30). Stayed until he held me down with a knife…that’s what it took. Ladies, if the love is gone, LEAVE. Once I left, my life became better than I ever could have imagined.

saint-jezebel · 2021-06-24T14:27:38+00:00

The sunken cost fallacy is so fear based it literally will keep you trapped if you let it. Think of how many women remain miserable and how many other women encourage it because you’ve “invested so much time” “do you really wanna start all over? Omg the horror” “it’s hard getting to know new people” “I would never want to date again” “when you leave, all your hard work is going to go to the next women” yadda yadda.

It sucks that we are made to believe that we have to be miserable even though OUR time is being wasted. Listen, here are the hard facts: if he wanted to, he would; if he treated you this way, there is no guarantee the next will get a better version of him because people are who they are; time is precious and cannot be gained once lost; there are better men out there; you can be the best woman in the world and he will still leave you for who he perceives as better when he’s ready; being selfish isn’t selfish and works much faster, is better and less exhausting than being selfless.

Once you leave that fear-limiting mentality and the people engrossed in it alone, life really does get better.

MariMont · 2021-06-24T00:23:27+00:00

I thought this way when he showed his true colors after 6 months of dating, which to me was a milestone. I ended up staying for 4 years.

I WISH I'd walked away at that 6 month mark.

NinjaCynic · 2021-06-24T10:06:44+00:00

I see it in older couples around me, like in their 50s and 60s. It's infuriating to hear a woman say, "Oh well, I've put up with him for 30 years already...."

No! Stop! Get out and enjoy life FFS!

Firm-Raspberry9181 · 2021-06-24T11:48:04+00:00

A LVX kept repeating “18 months! 18 months!” as he physically restrained me from leaving him after we had dated a year and a half. After putting up with his super-controlling ways for most of those 18 months, I finally broke up with him (that night, he had criticized some small purchases I had made, then wanted sex, and when I said I didn’t feel like it after he lectured me like a child about my spending [I make twice his income] - he went into a rage because “It’s BeEn TWO DaYs!” since sex) This man made excellent use of the sunken cost fallacy to try to keep me from leaving him - from crying “18 months!” when I tried to leave, to telling me “you won’t find anyone else who will date you, with 3 kids” suggesting I better stick it out with him. I finally did get away that night - he let me go when I told him I needed the bathroom, and when I heard the ice maker clinking ice into his glass to make himself a drink, I slipped out the door. That drink boded poorly for his mood and my safety.

knowitpoet85 · 2021-06-24T08:58:40+00:00

My gf said this exact thing to me after being in a cheating, lying, then become abusive relationship. She said, I've already put in four years... And if I leave now, it's just four years wasted of my life.... 😩. I told her, " Shannon, what are you gonna do then when you wake up and it's been EIGHT YEARS?". UGH. Sadly there was hope for a brief moment when she moved to Cali to restart her life.... But I just found out she let him come there too. So now she's with him and new friends who dont know who HE is 😞😞

Title	'I’ve invested too much time:' Reasons we stay in relationships longer than we should (The Sunk Cost Fallacy, among others)
Author	miphasgraceful
Upvotes	184
Comments	14
Date	June 23, 2021 10:02 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/o6n3kf/ive_invested_too_much_time_reasons_we_stay_in/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/ive-invested-too-much-time-reasons-we-stay-in.786529 https://theredarchive.com/post/786529

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