While it's true that technical skills are important to learn, it is your soft skills that will propel you in your career and personal life. Of course, it is important to know how to perform basic arithmetic, it is important to understand proper spelling and grammar. You can't be a fucking dumbass. However, take a look at the most successful CEO's, the leaders of the highest value social circles and those who simply "win" at life and you'll find that they are rarely ever the smartest people in their respective groups. It isn't their intelligence, their ability to code or any other technical skill that got them there. It's their soft skills, their charisma, their personalities, their communication skills and simply put: their ability to interact with other people.

Everyone has their own unique personalities. Some are more extroverted, some are more witty, some are simply naturals at articulating and communicating. However, this one very effective trick I am going to share with you can be practiced, applied and mastered by anyone. Here it is:

First become interested, then you will become interesting

Those of you who have read "How to Win Friends and Influence People" by Dale Carnegie may be familiar with this concept. There is a reason it's one of the most powerful concepts in one of the most influential books that exist.

Take a guess at what is the most commonly spoken word in conversation. It's "I." People's favorite topic and subject is themselves. Your toothache is more important to you than a plague that kills millions in a different country. People by nature are selfish. That isn't to say that everyone is selfish and compassion doesn't exist. But at the end of the day, people's favorite subject and favorite person will always be themselves.

When you interact with people, give them your undivided attention, express genuine interest in their lives and ask great questions. Ask open ended questions (questions that cannot be answered with a simple yes or no). Get people to elaborate on their thoughts by mirroring them. Someone tells you they had a hard day, simply ask back "A hard day?" and they will begin opening up. Someone tells you they absolutely love a certain thing, ask them what it is they love about it.

It is imperative that when you are asking these questions and conversing with people that you actually fucking listen. I cannot stress this enough. You don't become likable and interesting by dominating a conversation, blurting out disconnected thoughts after thoughts trying to impress people. This will make you seem like a socially unaware prick. You become likable and interesting by listening. There is a major difference between listening and simply waiting for your turn to respond. You have two ears and one mouth, use them proportionally. The majority of people nowadays simply do not know how to have a conversation and it's because they don't know how to listen.

This doesn't just work in one on one interactions, it is equally powerful in group interactions. If you can make someone feel like the only person in a room full of other people you will leave an incredible lasting impression on them. You do this by becoming interested in the other person and once again, actually listening. You can walk away from an interaction not saying a damn thing about yourself yet leaving the other person believing you are the most interesting, awesome, most charismatic person they've ever met.

Although I have stressed the importance of listening, you can't be a silent robot. That's just being weird and anti-social. The reason you must listen closely is so you can respond in a way that reflects your interest. This can be in the form of comments or a follow up question that progresses the conversation to a deeper level, really driving home the point to the other person that you really care about them and you're genuinely interested.

Closing Thoughts

This simple yet effective technique reflects and requires a great deal of emotional intelligence. It is used by all of the most charismatic and personable people in the world. It comes with practice. There are times when it's appropriate to share a quick story that reinforces your audience's thoughts. Sometimes a quick comment can help direct the conversation in your desired direction. There is far more to charisma than simply listening and showing interest (Using people's names, eye contact, smiling, reading and using non-verbal cues, etc). However, this is a very easy first step to mastering your social skills and becoming a more likable and personable person.