First of all, I'm a big fan of the mods pushing for this sub to stay on-topic and remain focussed on dating strategies. I remember back in 2019, there were a lot of strategy style posts with specific dating and dating mindset tips. The handbook does a good job covering this but I really enjoyed reading those types of posts. It's nice to see what has worked for other women in practice. You still need to figure out what works best for you specifically and your own dating style that is optimal to your own personality, but I found those kind of posts to be good starting points and useful with mindset.

This post is simply a collection of things that have worked for me since I started to become more mindful of what works with dating/men instead of "following my heart" and being a self-sacrificing cool girl as I have in the past.

1) On indicating interest / flirting - the mindset I have here is that this part really doesn't take much. What I mean by that is that you have to remember that many men think that if the cashier girl is simply nice to him that she wants to sleep with him. I find that you can be very sublte with flirting and it can go a long way due to the way that men interpret women being friendly. To indicate interest, I find that simply smiling, giving slightly longer eye contact, and asking him about himself / his interests, listening, and stroking his ego a little bit in response to what he is saying is more than enough to show him that you MAY be interested. And this is what you want. You don't want him to think that he can get you for sure (he can't, he needs to be vetted), just that he could have a chance. No need to give him obvious compliments or direct flirtations. It can be very subtle. If he can't pick up on it, it's probably because he's not interested enough in return and hence not worth your time.

2) Let him do the work - Once you have shown him your interest and he is enjoying the ego boost from 1), it's time to pull back. The purpose of this is to evaluate wether he is also interested in you. Just because it seems like he's having a good time interacting with you doesn't mean he likes you because he could just be enjoying the ego boost / attention. Make yourself unavailable somehow. It is important to leave on a positive note. Don't just ignore him for no reason, you have something else to do and got busy. Now see if he starts to pursue you. You need this before continuing to show further interest. At this point most of the efforts should be from him and you continuously vet him.

3) Stand up for your own values - I'm guilty of being a huge cool girl / pickme in the past where I would play along with men's views. What I mean by that is that if a guy says something misogynistic, I would either ignore it or take part in the "joke" 🤮 such as not to cause conflict and keep things amicable. Now if a guy ( could be a friend, colleague, dating interest) says something that goes against my values, I don't care about being friendly anymore. I either point out their hypocrisy, state my view, or just stop interacting with them if I can or they are too low value. I simply make it obvious that I'm not on the same page as them one way or another. I used to think that this would result in strained relationships, but actually the opposite is true. I find that if I do this with men, they end up respecting me more and it improves whatever relationship I have with them. I think a lot of what guys say is BS and they know it deep down, so when you call them out on it, it's a good thing.

4) Set boundaries early on - I'm naturally a people-pleaser so I used to compromise on my boundaries a lot. I used to be terrible at saying no - be it in dating, relationships, friends, and also at work. I now keep a journal of what my boundaries are and what I want from dating / relationships. If he's asking for something that is not in line with that, I simply refuse. If he keeps pushing and pestering, I cut him off. I find that usually implementing boundaries just leads to more respect from the guy and less stress and more happiness for me. I find that if I do this early on, it makes the rest of the relationship easier as he'll know what I do and do not put up with.

Some of these things might seem obvious to some or maybe other methods have worked for you. For me, I used to be way too obvious, direct, and put in way too much action and effort when I was sort of interested in a guy. I would usually end up disappointed in him for his lack of drive or continuously pander to him by being a cool girl / pickme which lead to unhappiness. This particular things have made a difference for me.