I used to think that there were certain situations that it would be ok for a woman to be financially dependent on a man given she is married to a HVM or if it is her dad. I was wrong.

Exhibit A: my own parents. Mom has been the perfect tradwife for decades, while I thought my dad was a great provider for the family. Well, my mom recently revealed something dark to me: she has been wanting to divorce my dad for years now due to his emotional affair (maybe more?) with a former coworker, amongst other things. I do see a general lack of respect towards my mom from my dad. But the reason she hasn't done it, is because she thinks my dad will use him paying for my siblings' education as bargaining chip. She thinks he will threaten to stop paying for their school without warning if she leaves. She herself says she doesn't need much but of course her own children's welfare is something she puts above all else, as many mothers do. Would my siblings be ok without the money? It would be hard if without notice but they would probably get through it. Thing is, my mom doesn't want them to suffer and doesn't want them to be burdened with this knowledge, so it keeps her in a relationship she doesn't want to be in.

My point in all this is that it is dangerous to be financially dependent on any man, no matter how many decades he seems like a big provider HVM, or even your own father (if you are an adult). In order to protect your own freedom of choice and potentially that of your own mother, you must always be able to financially support yourself.

I've already talked to my mom about building secret savings. I'm not sure what to do about my siblings. I know my mom will always put their interests first and she doesn't want me to tell them this. Maybe I could try to convince them to stop accepting the money but one of them for sure can't afford the tuition.