I tried to relinquish control of the finances and my husband said, "No."

Mewster1818 · 2021-07-19T04:46:13+00:00

I'm going to be honest... I don't agree with that part of the book.

If it's something that personally bothered you before I'd slowly rope him in by first involving him more and asking him more questions. But if it didn't bother you prior to reading the book, and since it pretty clearly doesn't bother him, then I'd just ignore it.

My husband has the final say in everything, but I manage the finances so it's one less thing for him to worry about in his time off of work. I don't see how that would take away from my feminine role, I just see it as part of the housekeeping activities.

fosho_away · 2021-07-19T05:00:19+00:00

I think your husband sounds like a levelheaded, respectful partner. There are other ways to feel you’re in a submissive role that you may be able to explore with him, such as having him make day to day decisions while you still have some foot in the overarching financial goals you have as a family.

FWIW in many traditional Asian cultures where the man is expected to be the earner and leader, the wife is expected to manage the entire household, including finances. Consider that your association about financial work as male may be culturally defined.

HappilyMrs · 2021-07-19T08:42:36+00:00

Mine has never been keen on being in charge of the finances, and so I have been doing it alone for 20 years. However, it has caused me a lot of stress in that time and ideally I would hand it over. I told him this and he still didn't want to. I am home, I have more free time, and I know better what the household needs. We've had plenty of conflict over money over the years, so I suggested a compromise.

The compromise was that I would draw up the budget, talk him through how I did it, and give him a copy so he could see what the state of play was. I also said I wanted us to make decisions together, and that we should start writing down what we actually spend so that there are no longer any surprises when I tell him we have to cut down and be frugal at the end of the month.

So I did it, and explained it. He asked why I do it on paper and calculator, and I explained it's because that's what I have always done. Fifteen minutes later, he's whipped me up a spreadsheet and entered all the details. It's on his computer, and he asks me the price of whatever we have decided to spend so he can enter it in.

He has found a way that makes my life easier and makes it a more equal load, completely his idea. If I had nagged or pushed him to make a spreadsheet, he may have done it but is unlikely to have engaged with it rather than just handing it straight back. I'm really happy that he led here and that we're working as a team.

Could a compromise work for you too? Are you sure you want to hand it over because you want to, not because you feel you should?

terragutti · 2021-07-19T10:48:07+00:00

To add to all these ladies already great comments, in the most traditional countries, especially in asia, the wives are given all the money to manage and it is seen as the womans job to make the salary of the husband work for the needs of the household. Maybe this fact can help you see that managing finances arent a thing that makes you less feminine or traditional

anothergoodbook · 2021-07-19T10:46:01+00:00

I wanted to hand over finances because it felt really strange that he wanted to be the leader but he had to ask me for money. I also said that we had family goals but I just am not good at managing the money that well.

I kinda just gave it over to him. I was like “I really can’t do this anymore. It’s way too stressful and I’m not very good at it”. He was really hesitant but I didn’t really let it drop (and said sort of the same thing). But I was pretty much like “yeah I took it over which was controlling and now I’m not going to do it”.

I am still very involved though because he prefers it that way. But he made the final budget .

She backs off on her stance a bit in The Empowered Wife though.

Curtail_ · 2021-07-19T15:46:06+00:00

Don’t surrender your finances. That’s not feminine, it’s foolish.

rosebyanyothername1 · 2021-07-19T15:25:32+00:00

You don't need his permission to surrender. I do the taxes and pay some bills, as i did before LD book, but anytime we have a big financial decision I ask my husband what we should do and I do what he says.

Title	I tried to relinquish control of the finances and my husband said, "No."
Author	DoppelGangHer88
Upvotes	4
Comments	10
Date	July 19, 2021 4:34 AM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWives
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWives/comments/on6wd5/i_tried_to_relinquish_control_of_the_finances_and/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWives/i-tried-to-relinquish-control-of-the-finances-and.793218 https://theredarchive.com/post/793218

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