Need some insight to what to do from MEN. Wife sending DM’s on Instagram.

dday_throwaway3 · 2021-04-28T17:59:54+00:00

She isn't going to give you her phone. And you're tipping your hand which isn't going to benefit you at all. Keep your mouth shut.

Here's the reality: She's already checked out of your marriage. Whether she's fucked someone else doesn't matter. You confronting her will do nothing to change her behavior. Your wife doesn't respect you, and has become bored with your marriage. And no, you can't "save" your marriage. That requires two dedicated parties to make it work and she's not interested.

You don't need a therapist to tell you what to do. Reach down and take hold of your manhood and be proud to be a man, not apologize for it. You must overcome the belittling about masculinity found in every aspect of our society, from the media to the classroom.

You absolutely do not leave the marital residence. It's the worst mistake you can make. Here's why: https://forum.mensdivorce.com/viewtopic.php?f=4&t=81622

You need to protect yourself from false DV. As soon as she gets wind that you are divorcing her, she could easily call the cops and claim domestic violence. Here's how to protect yourself: https://forum.mensdivorce.com/viewtopic.php?f=14&t=80375

NohoTwoPointOh · 2021-04-28T18:03:22+00:00

I confronted her hard after the second time and told her a third I would be out...well the third happened and I’m not out.

Sigh...

Tonight I’m telling her she can give me her passwords or I can send screen shots to his wife and then co front him. Pull the pin on this altogether.

Don't do this. It isn't "pulling the pin". It is about as stupid as the idiots who discuss home defense and say "I have a shotgun. When they hear the clack-clack of the pump, the bad guy will run!"

No. You have done 4 things:

Given a committed home invader intel on your position.
Given a committed home invader intel on your approximate ammo capacity.
Given a committed home invader intel on your reload time
Given a committed home invader a chance to get inside your OODA loop

All of these are foolish. It's pissing away any tactical advantage. The fact that the invader is in your home tells you that you're not dealing with a rational person that will respond in a rational manner.

Your wife gives no fucks about staying faithful to you or your marriage. Agree or disagree?

Your wife can easily set up alt accounts after giving you passwords. Agree or disagree?

After ignoring your own red line, your wife understands that you ain't gonna do shit but take it. Agree or disagree?

Let's start with these questions first.

ETA: I know I'm gonna sound like an ass-a-holic dick monster here. At the rate things are going, a world of fucking hurt is about to rain down on you and you're looking like this fellow here. Let's see if we can't get you to sort this through yourself. Answer the three questions. Let's work through this together.

biobeerz · 2021-04-28T18:10:47+00:00

One thing I would suggest before blowing things up is talking to a lawyer. Take your evidence to the lawyer and understand how to best protect yourself legally before blowing things up. My only other thought is that if you are going to blow things up the way you're suggesting be ready for things to get ugly. In my experience women in this situation will get petty and vindictive as soon as they realize they're under attack. Good luck with this situation, sorry to hear she put you in this spot.

derelictherds · 2021-04-28T19:13:23+00:00

Some of the others have shared some great advice already. My situation was similar to yours and the biggest mistakes I made were confronting the ex about cheating and later attempting to discuss/plan the divorce with her.

You have an opportunity to get your ducks in a row before hell breaks loose. This is especially important if you're the bread winner. Get your thoughts together and talk to a lawyer ASAP. Think austerity measures(pre-divorce), custody, child support, alimony, etc. A good attorney will be able explain these things and provide some guidance. If not, try a different one. Then and only then decide if, when, how to end your marriage. Do NOT discuss any of this with your wife.

ThrowAwayRAOoops · 2021-04-28T19:46:30+00:00

Dude, she’s cheating on you. Even if it isn’t physical it is still cheating unless you’re consenting to it. It’s your boundary to set and hers to agree to but if she keeps breaking it you have to decide if you can accept it or not. If not then the answer is to walk. Divorce papers have a tendency to get people thinking more clearly. Let her know your serious, don’t warn her and don’t move out.

No_more_BPD_2020 · 2021-04-28T23:40:18+00:00

What feels good and what's strategically in your best interests are two different things. Don't make the same mistakes so many of us, myself included. Don't tip your hand. I encourage you to A) lawyer up, get a free consultation or 3 and see where you're at, start getting a direction and B) get to a therapist ASAP. It's 2021 and you can see people via phone, zoom, and places like BetterHelp(not perfect, but accessible). Take care of yourself. The beginning was super confusing and emotional, at least for me. I wound up going 3 times a week because I had nobody else to talk to and was an emotional wreck.

Please post often!

o_p_d · 2021-04-28T18:09:33+00:00

She will deny and trickle truth you if you confront her too early. Keep collecting proof for it will help you in the eventual divorce.

2021-04-28T18:55:35+00:00

If she disrespects you again and again and you don't follow up on your promise to walk, this will be the pattern for your relationship from now on. You only really have one choice for you own mental health...and that is to walk away from her.

2021-04-28T18:55:47+00:00

If she disrespects you again and again and you don't follow up on your promise to walk, this will be the pattern for your relationship from now on. You only really have one choice for you own mental health...and that is to walk away from her.

crypto_keeper88 · 2021-04-28T19:01:41+00:00

File for divorce and do not leave the house. Go and tell her family what she has been up to and why you are filing. Maybe that will wake her up. Also, if the guy has a wife you should let her know too. Affairs only live in secrecy, blowing it up and exposing it to everyone will kill it really quickly.

jnuttsishere · 2021-04-28T22:26:49+00:00

If she was upset you’d leave, she’d have stopped. Don’t fall for the bullshit. Do you want your kids growing up thinking that behavior is ok?

Title	Need some insight to what to do from MEN. Wife sending DM’s on Instagram.
Author	This-Sucks58
Upvotes	5
Comments	22
Date	April 28, 2021 5:47 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/n0khkc/need_some_insight_to_what_to_do_from_men_wife/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/need-some-insight-to-what-to-do-from-men-wife.817160 https://theredarchive.com/post/817160

Comments