Need Tips Help!

4agreements · 2020-07-08T23:22:56+00:00

Breathe and know 50/50 is the state standard in most states and how judges rule. Be an ass and retaliate and you lose. It’s just words coming out of the mouth of someone you used to know.
Attorneys will do there job, but don’t expect hand holding. You’re running a marathon, keep calm, be a great dad to your kids and be a broken record on the 50/50. If things go sideways, stop negotiating and tell all parties you’ll see them in court.

lemmingsrevenge · 2020-07-08T23:25:53+00:00

yes you need to calm down.

Nothing going on in courts and your lawyer is probably watching netflix half the day. They're not on call 24/7 and since nothing can be resolved right now they're probably just waiting to get stuff done until things open up because people change minds and they've wasted 4 hr s writing a brief that is null and void a week later.

SpearCatcher1 · 2020-07-09T02:20:12+00:00

At this point it shouldn't be about your relationship with her anymore--the relationship is dead, RIP. Now you are patiently doing what it takes to keep your share and go on with the next chapter of your life.

You have a plan for your life ahead, and getting the necessary legal settlement is a necessary step of that plan. The final settlement won't be ideal, but you'll know you did your best, shake it off, and move forward.

arislan3 · 2020-07-09T15:31:28+00:00

I joined a men's group while going through divorce and have been active in it for the years since. It was really helpful for me in managing my feelings, and getting a better sense of who I am as a man going forward. The group I joined is part of the ManKind Project, mankindproject.org. We currently meet primarily online due to the Covid situation. I'm sure it's rough now, but you'll get through this. Hang in there!

tinkerb3lll · 2020-07-09T19:15:23+00:00

Yeah keep calm and ignore her, know she is a sub human being. She is trying to push your buttons, don't let her, i know it is very hard, it is, but you are strong and have unlimited strength and perseverance. Stay the course and hold yourself to your values. Someone said, treat her like your best friend until the papers are signed. That way everything is calm and she looks like the ass. Figure out ways to stop the triggers, like go from texting to email only etc .. my X was a text abuser and I blocked her ass, it helped a lot to deal with her only via email.

ghostiewm · 2020-07-08T23:53:45+00:00

Give this a listen Then let the algorithm go wild.

jeffrrw · 2020-07-09T02:20:23+00:00

Any tips on my feelings?

Feel your feelings and express them in a safe manner. One thing that works well for me is the empty chair exercise. Imagine the ex or your attorney or whomever is sitting there and get out your anger towards that person then. Another option is writing letters to the ex and not sending them. Or if you prefer a more physical release get a tennis racket and big pillow and beat the hell out of it while venting about the issues. Just... Please avoid doing this in front of your kids.

Any tips, advice? Do I need to just cool down?

By getting out the issues you'll be able to cool down. Its like releasing a valve on a pressure cooker. No chance of exploding if the lid is off and the valve is open. And keep doing everything else you mentioned as long as you are doing it from a place of self love. If you are using those coping strategies as a way to run from your feelings/problems instead of them coming from a place of self love, you'll never escape the problem in the first place as you are just compartmentalizing.

As /u/4agreements said, it takes time as it is a marathon and being patient and calm with the process goes a long way. Just constructively let out your feelings.

Also one thing that may help is that if meditation doesnt work, how about therapy? It's been a huge blessing for me and so many other people. Non biased trained professionals helping you through the process of recovery.

dday_throwaway3 · 2020-07-09T02:21:07+00:00

Have you done mediation yet?

Elsie2913 · 2020-07-11T23:14:25+00:00

Hire a divorce coach. Seriously. It’s similar to a therapist but who deals and counsels with individuals going through divorces.

Title	Need Tips Help!
Author	Brokenbyher2019
Upvotes	5
Comments	9
Date	July 8, 2020 11:04 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/hnrp4o/need_tips_help/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/need-tips-help.818065 https://theredarchive.com/post/818065

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