What are your thoughts on the subject of separate bedrooms?

[deleted] · 2014-08-17T00:19:39+00:00

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snbdmliss · 2014-08-14T07:29:13+00:00

Separate bedrooms would never ever work for me...

I love the sexy time,

the sweet time,

the random ponderings time,

the quiet peaceful connection time,

and the cuddly pretzel time,

falling asleep next to my man and waking up next to him, and all the time in between.

Skin on skin contact, his scent all over me, hearing his breathing and heartbeat, wow, fantastic!

Maybe I don't always get the most straight uninterrupted rest when we sleep together, but I do feel the most alive, reinvigorated, and joyful when we do compared to nights I spend alone.

[deleted] · 2014-08-13T22:21:23+00:00

My husband and I sleep very different hours and spend almost every waking moment together and we've agreed on separate bedrooms since day one. It doesn't interfere with our sex life at all, we just part before either of us falls asleep. He "tucks me in" every night without fail and it's the highlight of my day. It gives us each space and we SLEEP better. Couples who could afford it always had separate bed and dressing rooms. That being said if it's simply because the wife demands it against the husband's wishes it's a big problem

LifterofThings · 2014-08-14T13:24:05+00:00

Depends on the couple in question-- for me, I feel much more bonded to my bf when we go to bed and wake up together. I like to be touching him when we sleep, even if it's just holding hands. Separate bedrooms would really compromise my particular bonding style.

That said, if the benefits (better sleep) outweigh the downside (no sleepytime bonding) for a particular couple, then power to them. I definitely don't think it should be a decision that is unilaterally made by one party and forced on the other party.

filigrees · 2014-08-18T17:04:10+00:00

My boyfriend and I have separate bedrooms. There are a few factors at play: He wakes up for work 1-2 hours later than me, he goes to bed 1-3 hours later than me, and most importantly I am a toss & turner. I tend to hog covers and pillows but never remember it. He talks in his sleep and sometimes yells at the people in his dreams. All in all, we tend to disturb each others' sleep when we sleep together!

That said, sometimes he still will come to bed with me after I've gone to sleep. He did this last night; it's a sweet gesture and something we both enjoy once or twice a week. We also watch a movie or show every night in my bed to cuddle & have time close to one another.

It definitely isn't for everyone though and shouldn't be something that you let impede on intimacy or closeness.

TempestTcup · 2014-08-14T00:41:30+00:00

Sleeping together is like a big long cuddle. We have very different hours but really like the closeness that sleeping together brings. I go to sleep at ~9pm and he snuggles me until I'm asleep and then comes in and snuggles more until I get up at 5am. I wouldn't trade it for the world!

lollipopsnsunshine · 2014-08-14T01:34:16+00:00

I really think (like a lot Red Pill things) this depends on the couple and their situation.

Personally, P and I have no trouble sleeping together if we go to bed at the same time. However, during undergrad, I worked 3rd shift from 10pm to 7am and got home around 8am. I was usually still a little wired from work and sometimes couldn't fall asleep right away and would start doing other (sometimes loud) things. This drove P crazy because he is a very light sleeper. I started hanging out in a different room until I felt sleepy enough and then would join him.

sierrasecho · 2014-08-13T22:44:57+00:00

I know people who do this, and it works for them.

It would never work for me. I fall asleep not only in the same bed as my man every night, but on his shoulder. Last Friday night he was out on an emergency call until 2 am. I tossed and rolled the whole time until he came home. He sleeps like a log, and I'm a light sleeper. It all works out. Granted, we go to bed at the same time, and wake up at the same time.

I've known many people who passive-aggressively sleep on the couch to express displeasure. My parents slept in separate rooms for the last few years of their marriage. You could feel the tension. It was horrible. I suppose many do it without the hurt and upset, but for my SO and I, together is the only option.

Plus, he's a "I like to fuck in the morning" kind of guy, so I want to be there for that ;)

FleetingWish · 2014-08-13T23:17:13+00:00

This post suggests that this is always an idea given by women. But, what if it something your captain wants? This is what my SO wants, and he has good reasons for it (being able to sleep at night, different bed requirements, not getting sick of one another). I trust my captain's decisions fully, and know that he has my interests at heart, so I too believe separate bedrooms can be a good idea.

heeb · 2014-08-13T22:29:04+00:00

This is my father.

My mother apparently can't sleep in the same bed as my dad because he snores loudly and kicks his feet. So what did she do? She took over the master bedroom and my poor father slept on the couch for 20 years until my brother and I got old enough to move out. He is now in my old room :/

The master bedroom is "HER room". No one is even allowed to use the bathroom! It's just selfish and ridiculous. I could never imagine making my husband sleep somewhere other than right next to me. I don't care where we are, I just want him next to me every night. It makes me so sad that my poor, hardworking father had to sleep alone on the couch every night while he worked all day for a wife that didn't love, respect, trust, or even want to be around him.

Separate bedrooms are the ultimate disrespect in my eyes. My husband snores, and I'm a light-sleeper....so I use earplugs! It's really not that hard to make a compromise. My mom is just a selfish, disrespectful fucking pig.

[deleted] · 2014-08-13T22:36:09+00:00

Sharing a bed is very important to both of us, and it's something we enjoy a great deal.

sugarcrush · 2014-08-13T23:18:29+00:00

I'm not a fan of it. My completely uninformed opinion is that at best it's neutral and at worst it could be a detriment... I would be interested in seeing research done on this topic if anyone has seen any.

Maybe it could be a good thing if there is something like bad snoring, but really if you snore so bad it keeps your partner awake, you need to be working with a doctor to resolve it because that's not normal and there's probably a sleep apnea thing going on.

But like I said, I'm uninformed so if it works for you, go for it.

jocrue · 2014-08-14T00:12:41+00:00

My SO and I have been living together for 2 years, and I don't think either of us would be happy with separate bedrooms. I like having the security of having him by my side, and he likes to have my body in close proximity.

Separate bathrooms, though, is something I think that both of us really crave and would benefit from.

moggymojo · 2014-08-14T00:28:05+00:00

I have had pretty serious insomnia for most of my life and only got in under control in the last 8 months or so (which by the way has made an INCREDIBLE difference to my life) so I do know how important getting enough sleep is. I have spent a fair number of nights on the couch when I have given up on sleep and my tossing and turning gets to the point where it bugs my husband.

I would not like to have separate beds (would love a bigger bed though, the cats are becoming problematic bed hogs) and I know my husband would hate it completely. He likes to be wrapped up around me as much as possible, and as it is he doesn't like that I am always trying to 'escape' (poke my feet and legs out) to avoid being cooked my his ridiculous excessive heat generation.

I love that when we half wake up in the night to turn over we invariably reach for each other, and say "I love you" all sleep mumbly...

On the other hand my brother and his wife have separate beds as he has seriously bad snoring and sleep apnea, and works revolving shifts - it is the only way they can make it work and he moves from the main bed to the spare bed as needed.

jade_cat · 2014-08-14T01:33:41+00:00

I would personally not be able to sleep without my husband. The warmth of his skin and his arm around me is something so comforting, so reassuring, it makes me drift to sleep peacefully. However, some couples seem to be perfectly fine with having separate bedrooms and have good reasons for it. As long as the relationship isn't affected/neglected, I don't see the problem with it.

Mrswhiskers · 2014-08-14T03:03:38+00:00

I can understand it but I don't often practice. My mom and dad used to sleep in separate bedrooms because of moms snoring. I know this because she moved right next to my bedroom. Sometimes I'll sleep in the guest bedroom because my husband or I are sick and don't want to infect each other. Or sometimes I just can't sleep and am tossing and turning and don't want to bug him. But we don't practice it regularly.

scallopkid · 2014-08-14T18:05:45+00:00

I personally would never want to have separate bedrooms, because I enjoy the other person being right there next to you, and I think it is a really nice bonding activity, but I think in general it matters more what the reason for having separate bedrooms is, because obviously some people have explained how it works well for them.

I do like the idea of having almost nothing besides the bed in the bedroom and only using it for sleeping and sex, not hanging out or getting dressed in there.

dot_calm · 2014-08-13T21:32:51+00:00

I read the thread over there with some interest. There were a lot of comments about how sleep is more important than actually sleeping with a partner. If that is what works for them great, there is no one guaranteed way to make things work.

Early in our marriage I would work overnight shifts as a nurse and our sleep schedules seemed at odds, but we always slept together. Have fond memories of my husband kissing me good morning at oh my gosh dark thirty so I could be on the road by 4am. He never once complained about disrupted sleep.

My husband snores and it at times disrupts my sleep, but what disrupts my sleep even more is when he is gone. When he is home all is right with the world when we fall asleep together. Also too, waking up together means a chance at morning sex.

For us separate bedrooms would never work for any reason at all. Then again we are kind of old fashion and really still like each other even after 19+ years of marriage.

[deleted] · 2014-08-17T22:13:52+00:00

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eatplaycrush · 2014-08-14T01:25:41+00:00

Haha. That would never happen. Even when I get up in the middle of the night to switch laundry or use the restroom either he comes to find me or he will ask me where I was/what was I doing. That is our time together as we are both pretty darn busy these days and we enjoy it very much, especially when our pup comes in the middle and lays with us. We both look forward to it every day

However, we have separate rooms for getting ready. I have a room that has my makeup station, dressers, hair stuff, wardrobe, mirrors. He has his room with cigars, magazines, a computer and desk, and his clothing. My room is very feminine while his is the complete opposite and the rest of our house is neutral. It definitely helps so we are not in each others way while getting ready and we have our own room to breathe during that time.

[deleted] · Wed Aug 13 21:09:57 2014 UTC

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Title	What are your thoughts on the subject of separate bedrooms?
Author	heeb
Upvotes	7
Comments	44
Date	August 13, 2014 8:58 PM UTC (11 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/2dh2oi/what_are_your_thoughts_on_the_subject_of_separate/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/what-are-your-thoughts-on-the-subject-of-separate.84794 https://theredarchive.com/post/84794

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