My captain has no direction.

LittleRed99 · 2015-03-12T20:14:47+00:00

RealTalk incoming - brace yourself. :)

He does have a direction - art. You just don't agree with it or trust him. By already thinking of leaving him because he might not "make it", you're already sabotaging the chances that he will make it. If you're going to help him succeed, you need to believe in him even when he doesn't. You need to trust him that even if he doesn't make it, that he will still find a way to provide for his family.

If you force him to "get a real job", you're compromising the core of who he is. If he wanted to be in banking or programming, he would be doing those things. You'd be forcing your will onto him, and it's guaranteed to end badly. I'm speaking from a lot of experience here because I'm that person. I have an artistic nature, but I went into programming because getting a good, well-paid, career is what you're "supposed" to do, right. Well, I'm miserable. It's compromised everything about me and steered my life in a direction that is not my own. Don't do this to him.

Judging by the "I'm in college" comment, I assume that you are still rather young. If that's true, then why are you ready to break up with this guy because of something that might happen? Tell me this - In this hypothetical future where you have a family and kids, do you seriously think this man would let you starve or live on the street? If he's a good, high character man, he would do whatever it takes, take whatever job he had to in order to provide for his family. If that's not your SO, then that is something to consider breaking up with him about.

I think that you need to really think about what it is that you want when you think of "being provided for". If you're envisioning a McMansion and 2 Lexus's in the driveway, then yes, being with an artist is not going to give you that. But really think about why you want whatever lifestyle it is that you have in your mind. Is it because that's what you're "supposed" to want? Do you really need it? Is it more valuable to you than your SO?

Case in point. My SO is also an artistic type. He loves building things and working with wood. I know that this will never give me a McMansion-type lifestyle, but I'm ok with that. This just means that I have to run a tight house. This will probably mean having a garden/greenhouse to cut down on groceries. It will mean sewing some of our own clothes. It will mean being a hard-core accountant about the finances. It will mean living in the country rather than the city. It will mean spending free-time with friends and family instead of going out on the town. I'm OK with that. I'm more than OK with it, I want it. My point being that most anything can be overcome if you want it and you're willing to be creative about solving the problem.

I think you need to look at your own priorities, your own view of what "providing" means, and your own feelings about this man besides his career choice. Is he a good captain otherwise? Are you attracted to him? Does he have good character? My guess (and I may be wrong here) is that there's something else going on here and that the art career is just how your hamster is justifying itself. Know your hamster. Know how it works and how it speaks so you don't let it's voice become your voice.

TL;DR: You don't trust him. Figure out why.

HeyPrettyGirl · 2015-03-12T20:03:02+00:00

Does he know you want to be a SAHM? If he doesn't know and he sees you in school, he's probably planning the future of your family with that second income in mind.

h22keisuke · 2015-03-13T02:19:57+00:00

I do not mean to diminish you, but you are mistaking "having no direction" with "having minimal financial prospects."

You clearly want a man who makes enough money so that you aren't forced to work in gainful employment to obtain an acceptable lifestyle. That's okay. Try to be honest with yourself about that.

Honestly, if I knew my wife was feeling the way you are now, I would just get a divorce. Nobody is worth a request like that. I love what I do, and I make good money, and if she wanted me to "get a better job" at the cost of my day to day happiness and health, then I would just get a better wife instead.

Your goals are clearly not compatible. Get done with this guy while you're still young. Work on yourself to be the best red pill woman you can and find a guy whose intentions are clearly aligned with yours.

YakCat · 2015-03-12T20:09:27+00:00

Oh god--this is like a page from my past.

I was with an extremely talented artist for almost 8 yrs. He won awards, I got grants for him (I applied-he had no motivation), and he sold paintings. It wasn't enough to live on.

But he was brilliant, so what did it matter, right?

When I met him, he was doing art and working as a dishwasher in addition to college. When we were done, he was doing art and working as a dishwasher. Almost 8 full years later.

Let me be very clear to you---he was/is a known artist. They don't make money. He was selling the occasional painting or sculpture for $5,000 here, $2,000 there. But, after gallery fees, agent fees, founder's fees, and publication fees, he took in 25%.

That's it. And he's one of the ones that "made it".

This is nothing against him as a person. He was sweet and kind but he was never the type that could provide even with me working full time in my field. I was always going to be dragging him.

If you chose to stay, know that you might be dragging him along as you go through life and succeed. Maybe you won't feel like I did but when I had success, I looked at him with guilt that he should be having more success.

This is your life. You can make it what you want. If you want him, stay with him but know that this is as good as it gets for most artists, they are always "working on something great". The world needs artists. They help us dream, give us introspection, and give the world beauty but in doing so there is no stability.

You will wind up supporting your children and struggling. Artists (speaking from experience) believe they almost must suffer in order to create and that working at a loss is part of that. Be prepared for a lifetime of questioning if you made the right choice.

Breaking it off is painful. If you choose that, it will be a horrible few months. But you can creat your own life after that is for you and someone who shares the same vision that you have. The most important thing in a partnership is sharing goals that you both want and that you work towards. If your personal goal is children, know that he just won't make enough and you will be working and the main support for them.

Unless there is a big shift of consciousness on his part, I think you know your answer. Don't hurt him more by spending your life double thinking and questioning whether your life was meant together. He needs a supportive partner just like you and if are questioning it now, you aren't that person.

Love can do a lot but sometimes it's a very thin web between who you are and what you want in life. If he is not that connecting web between who you are and what you want to be, you need a stronger web. It'll hurt. It'll hurt like nothing has ever before but you are saving him as well.

I got out. Wish I had sooner but I'm very happy with my husband. We have a partnership and clear vision of what we both want and need.

TL:DR-Been there, done that with a successful artist. Be prepared to be the main support for children.

[deleted] · 2015-03-13T02:01:56+00:00

I don't post here often, but as someone who is and has been involved in the arts industry since a very young age, don't give up on him. You can make a decent living as an artist without being in the top 1%.

A lot of art is very marketable. I think when people think of an artist, they think of someone who wants to do nothing but sell paintings and sculptures to fine art galleries. Not so. Comic books need artists, games need artists, movies need storyboard artists, local productions need artists, lots of people need web designers (very easy to learn if you can make graphics in photoshop and know color theory!), you can do logos...art encompasses a lot of things. The internet is a viable money-making medium these days, animations on youtube or webcomics can make you a shit ton of money. Is your captain willing to make his art marketable, or does he only want to be that guy who paints three circles, calls it "Defiance", and sells it for three million dollars? The latter is unlikely, the former isn't that difficult.

Besides, if he does utterly fail with art it's easy to get a great career from a trade school with a degree that can likely be completed in 2 years or less. I'm in a trade school for system administration right now so if my artistic dreams don't take flight I have a fallback. It helps that I'm genuinely interested in computers too but really, there's a lot out there. And a lot of the guys in my program are in their late 20s/early 30s, who tend to do way better than the fresh-outta-high-schoolers. If you'd be willing to be the primary breadwinner through a short degree in case art doesn't work out, you could be just fine.

Whatever you do, don't pressure him to get a "better" job. Support him in pursuing a degree for a fallback career if he needs to, but don't push him into doing something safe right now. The adults I know who have had artistic aspirations, tried, and failed generally find their footing and are okay. The most miserable people I know are the ones who played it safe right away and never even tried.

wifeintraining · 2015-03-12T20:22:09+00:00

I see a lot of accusatory language coming from you. It boils down to "HE needs to change this so that I can have MY dream." Have you thought that maybe he is happy as he is? If he is pursuing his dream, then you need to either accept that or let him find a girl who will.

mrp3anut · 2015-03-12T22:28:08+00:00

Replace the words "no direction" with "will never be rich" and you will find the reason for your angst.

Being poor =/= being miserable unless your priorities in life rest on fancy cars, big house, latest tech gadgets etc.

You need to figure out if you want to marry a man or an ATM.

Kittenkajira · 2015-03-12T20:08:25+00:00

You say he has no direction, yet say he's working on his art career. Is that not a direction? Have you discussed with him what his plans are for providing for a family?

Honestly, a little poverty while young and trying to make it isn't always a bad thing. Sometimes it's necessary to reach future goals, and it can build good money management skills.

Figure out precisely what you're scared of, then bring it up with him, followed by what you want. Narrow it down as much as you can, and try sticking with "I" instead of "you" when speaking. So instead of saying "I'm afraid you won't make it and we'll always be poor and I'll resent you", say "I'm afraid that I'll always live in poverty - I want to have a family without worrying about money."

homo_homini_lupus · 2015-03-12T22:29:32+00:00

Women who marry artists work, redpill or not. If you're not married then you are wasting your time

I_Love_To_Antagonize · 2015-03-13T04:22:52+00:00

There are three stages of love.

Stage One: Lust. This is the most important stage because it's what creates that initial interest between two people. Sometimes people forget that human beings are biological creatures and making babies and passing on your genes is pretty much the fundamental purpose of life. Luckily, being sentient, we have the ability to assign whatever meaning to life we wish. Unfortunately, we clutter our lives with so many superficial goals that we forget about the significance of wanting to bang someone.

Stage Two: Puppy Love. This is the fun stage. This is when you're constantly thinking about each other, banging non-stop, everything about your partner is awesome an exciting. This is when you think to yourself, "An artist? That's sooo hot!" The biological purpose of this stage of love is to get you to bang each other a whole lot and make a baby. Your brain is releasing hormones and chemicals to make you feel this way. It's a biological impulse. You are capable of falling in love this way with ANYONE you are sexually attracted to.

Stage Three: Long Term Contentment. This is that stage where you've settled down with someone. Yeah, the puppy love stage has faded, but during that time you built a foundation for an awesome partnership. It's like a best friend, but different. Closer to a partner in crime, actually. Business partners, even. Here is where love gets tricky. By now, most people have thwarted their biological impulses and not had a baby. Unless you gave a solid goal and plan in mind that you're both working to achieve, this stage of love won't last.

Now that the mystery of love has been solved, believe me when I say that people are more or less the same. There's no such thing as a soul mate, either. Your brain played tricks on you to get you to make a baby. You could have had, and are capable of having, those feelings with anyone you're initially sexually attracted to. It's why having friends with benefits never works out. Fuck someone enough times and you'll probably love them before long.

Anyway, now's the time to decide: are your long term, like lifetime king of long term, goals in sync? If not, find someone new. A break up will suck, sure. Whatever. People aren't supposed to be happy 24/7 anyway. You'll get over it. Before long, you'll meet someone who you find terribly interesting and the cycle will start all over again.

TL;DR people aren't special, there's no such thing as soulmates, and you can fall in love with anyone. Use that to your advantage and pick out a partner like you're looking for a business partner. The love part is easy.

sixtysixpixistix · 2015-03-12T21:14:55+00:00

male lurker here.

I'm an illustrator, and that is unquestioningly my career path. I'd like to be a publisher one day but to achieve that requires time and investment. It's simply foolishness to think that one day someone will come along and offer me an office as the head publisher of my own company; Those are things I need to build for myself if I want them.

In the meantime I work a full-time job to support myself and my SO while we save.

I highly recommend you have some real talk with your SO. Sit down and lay out a monthly budget. If you can save anything, ask your SO with the resources available, what his plan is to achieve his goal.

[deleted] · 2015-03-13T01:24:35+00:00

[permanently deleted]

Title	My captain has no direction.
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	23
Comments	30
Date	March 12, 2015 7:24 PM UTC (11 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/2ytsgp/my_captain_has_no_direction/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/my-captain-has-no-direction.85240 https://theredarchive.com/post/85240

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