Sex deal breakers

TempestTcup · 2015-03-27T11:57:06+00:00

Think of it this way, your relationship with your husband/SO differs from any other relationship you have, in one way: SEX. If there is a lack of attraction or chemistry, then it is not going to work for very long.

Some sorts of incompatibility can be overcome somewhat, and bad sex can improve by studying and trying out certain methods, BUT most incompatibility and bad sex are indications of a lack of attraction.

People can make themselves more attractive if the lack of attraction is due to weight or personality or something you can change, but a complete lack of chemistry is a deal breaker/relationship killer.

My suggestion would be to immediately leave any relationship that is new and lacks sexual attraction; sex is very important to a marriage! If you used to have attraction and frequent enjoyable sex, and it has dwindled over a few years, then there is a very good chance you can get that back by improving your appearance and demeanor.

For single people dating a few years, if the sex isn't great, then do not marry and consider what you really want in a relationship that should last your entire life. Is this what you want to live with the rest of your life?

If you are married with kids, then work as hard as you can to get that attraction back or fake that attraction really well. Be giving and attentive to his needs and desires.

closetrpw · 2015-03-27T14:43:04+00:00

http://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/2vtazx/how_important_is_physical_attraction/

Someone commented in that thread that while you can seek other needs outside the relationship, sexual intimacy is one you should NOT be seeking outside of the relationship. I thought that was a really good way to think about it. So, sexual chemistry and compatibility are extremely important. I'm not saying this guy needs to give you the best sex of your life, but you should enjoy it.

Otherwise, you risk being tempted later on in life to seek out other men to satisfy that need, or you run the risk of growing to dislike or disrespect your SO.

TheTerrorSquad · 2015-03-27T14:45:43+00:00

Nothing beats raw sexual chemistry

itsnadya101 · 2015-04-17T01:53:18+00:00

Honestly, as someone who has dated a guy who I wasn't sexually attracted to and then did date and LTR-ed one who I was sexually attracted to, it's a bigger deal than most people think. Being sexually attractive is different from just being sexy. Honestly, you've gotta ask yourself why you're with the person in the first place.

Pink_acetaminophen · 2015-03-27T15:41:48+00:00

I think it's extremely important to have chemistry and compatibility in a relationship. If you're in a committed relationship then that's the only person you get to experience naked stuff with and you should be happy with it so you don't waste your time in a relationship that will fail later on anyway. I do think that if the first time you sleep with a person you have an already good relationship with and its not perfect, you can improve it with practice haha because it only gets better when you both know each other better in that way too.

TheLadyPainter · 2015-03-27T16:39:52+00:00

It's one of the most important things. If you are not attracted to someone, stop seeing them. (I made the mistake once of thinking I'd grow to be attracted to someone once - nope. That was a tough breakup.)

As far as the actual sex being good or bad, fixing it depends on the issue. There are some things that can be talked about and worked on, and some that can't. It also depends on the willingness on both sides to give and receive criticism.

Then there are other types of dealbreakers - non-negotiable boundaries; things I WILL NOT DO and that HE WILL NOT DO. If those boundaries are incompatible, you're in for a bad time.

Basically, sex is super important - important enough to be a dealbreaker.

FlowerAndWillowWorld · 2015-03-27T19:11:36+00:00

2 non-virgins who start a relationship with bad sex are probably always going to have bad sex because one or both of you is just not that attracted to the other. Poor technique can be mitigated by great attraction, but not so much the other way around. So just communicating and working on it doesn't really work that well in this situation.

A man with a virgin woman who is probably not good at sex is often forgiven because some men enjoy teaching a woman how to do it, or value that she's never been touched by another man.

A woman with a virgin/very inexperienced man will most likely not work because she won't respect him, and that's paramount to attraction. She doesn't want to have to teach him everything or take the lead all the time.

RedPillJohnny · 2015-03-27T21:30:51+00:00

When I first met my wife I had other plates and I used to think about them sexually and fantasized about them but I never did with my wife. I figured it was because I "respected" her or because I wasn't used to having a "real girlfriend" but in retrospect the "chemistry" was never there naturally. The sexual attraction would fire up when we were together but never like it was with the other girls I was with and I never took heed that this small indication was present because that sexual attraction or chemistry was not there.

20 years later. I am having trouble with my wife and our sex life. I am starting to realize that whatever was between me and my other girlfriends in the past was not there with my wife and over the years it has not improved, it has had some ups and downs but sexual frequency and variety was always in decline... right up to today where our current weekend PIV sex is becoming embarrassingly lame.

Now this is different than hooking up with someone and having a sexual experience that is awkward or difficult and then it improves after some effort or some laughs or some feels. This can be a very subtle and small clue, that someone who is in touch with their feels would figure out but most of us are to stunned to pay attention to.

A-Promise · 2015-03-27T23:56:06+00:00

Speaking as someone who has no sexual experience but has experienced chemistry... I'd say that if you have chemistry, then sex can be improved on (or at least I hope so, because I won't have sex outside of marriage) but if you lack chemistry to start with then it probably won't magically appear.

That said, I think that it can grow. I've had strong romantic chemistry with people who I previously didn't see as more than a friend but we had very strong 'friendship chemistry' and upon seeing a new side of them, I saw them in a new way.

I think chemistry is easier to loose than build, though, so starting out with none probably doesn't spell good news.

I wouldn't want to date someone who wasn't sexually attracted to me and I wouldn't want to have sex with someone who I wasn't sexually attracted to, and if that was the case, why bother dating?

saffronbelle · 2015-03-28T20:47:45+00:00

Sexual chemistry is incredibly important. I'm waiting until I'm married, but I have enough experience to know what constitutes burning sexual attraction and what is simply "meh". I couldn't live with the latter for the rest of my life. There are some things couples can definitely work towards, like better financial footing in buying a house, gaining assets, etc., but I don't think it's realistic to think that a couple can work towards better sexual chemistry. It's either there or it isn't.

I heed what others have already said on this thread - why date someone when you're not sexually attracted to them?

Title	Sex deal breakers
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	6
Comments	29
Date	March 27, 2015 4:20 AM UTC (11 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/30gioh/sex_deal_breakers/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/sex-deal-breakers.85283 https://theredarchive.com/post/85283

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