Oneitis over someone at work

StingrayVC · 2015-11-30T13:15:17+00:00

We always tell women to look for the good in their husbands, the things that he does that she does not see, to improve respect. So, you do the opposite. Seek out his faults, right down to the most inconspicuous things. Dwell on them. Change your mindset. When you start to pine for him remind yourself of everything that is wrong with this guy.

This might sound petty to some, but you need to get your head in a place where you can function at work and get over this guy. So don't vocalize it to others, don't talk about him to others in a poor way. Always remain outwardly neutral, but in your own mind, do this and I think it will start to change how you see him.

_wingnut_ · 2015-11-30T14:58:20+00:00

You are very confused. Women are SUPPOSED to get "oneitis" and act like "bluepill Bea males". Its a problem when men so it SPECIFICALLY because it's feminine. TRP is not about you if you're a woman. You're taking it wrong if you're trying to imitate trp

Littleknownfacts · 2015-11-30T13:18:49+00:00

What always worked for me when I couldn't stop thinking about a guy was just to switch my focus to someone else. Even if your in monk mode doesn't mean you can't flirt with someone right? Try to spark a little romance wherever you go until you don't need to focus it all on one guy you can't have/don't want.

Camille11325 · 2015-11-30T16:52:24+00:00

You don't have one-itis you are alpha widowed. Can you clarify if you actually dated this man because your original post is confusing on that point (talking about wanting him back, blowing chances, etc.). One-itis describes men who are fixated on one girl. The "itis" indicates that this condition is disordered and is harming the guy in question. It goes against his nature as a man. This is not the case for women and you need to be careful about applying male sexual strategy and theories to your own life. RPW has information for women, TRP and the manosphere for men.

It sounds like you need to change up your environment and get some more hobbies to occupy your time. Read some new books, spend more time in the gym, go to a concert with friends, anything! You are only holding yourself back here. Don't think of yourself as being in monk mode, that is only going to make you feel more isolated and desperate for that man/any man. Be social, be open to men, be fun! Don't give yourself any time to think about this guy. If he pops into your mind, take a walk or maybe listen to a song and sing along. Change up your habits at work so that you see him as little as possible.

Also scarcity mindset is another male thing that doesn't really apply to women. Yes there are likely other men out there for you, but abundance mentality in the way that the manosphere advocates is not advantageous for women. You should really stop mixing male and female sexual strategies because it's not going to get you where you want.

Eterfinifrete · 2015-11-30T15:21:50+00:00

It's been a long time since I've been through this, but I think I know what you're going through. It is hard to get over this kind of crush, because you're in love with an idea, rather than a person. You are obsessing over trying to get this man's approval, trying to get him to think well of you, because you've decided that he's someone whose opinion you value. You want him to acknowledge you and admire you. But it doesn't sound like you're actually interested in a relationship with him -- you just want his approval.

You say he's very intelligent and eloquent -- obviously those are qualities you value. The thing is, you're not a child any more. You can't go on seeking someone's approval, the way you did with your parents as a child. If you value intelligence and eloquence, you need to cultivate them in yourself.

If I were you, I'd keep working on self improvement but I would also try to get to lighten up and have some fun. If all you do is obsess over improving yourself and then appoint this guy as the arbiter of whether you've improved, it's going to be hard to get over him. Go out and have fun with your girlfriends! Now that you're accepted to university, do some activities there! Talk to some other men, I mean just friendly conversations, not necessarily anything at all romantic. Do whatever it takes to get out of your own head.

Oh, and you don't have to feel ashamed of this crush on this guy. I mean, try your best to leave it behind, but don't beat yourself up over it. Sometimes that just makes it all the harder to get over.

ragnarockette · 2015-12-02T01:17:56+00:00

My trick to getting over someone is to not say their name. Don't allow yourself to say or type it. When you can't pontificate about them it becomes much more difficult to remain obsessed with them. This trick has worked wonders for me, and it spares your friends the agony of listening to you pine away.

catipillar · 2015-12-01T21:42:45+00:00

Queen Elizabeth has always been a source of inspiration to me in this situation. After being completely screwed over by a fellow, she reinvented herself, wiped her slate, and she became the unattainable virgin queen.

Queen Elizabeth yourself, love. This is the best way to bring him off the pedestal you've put him on.

Imagine how you want him to see you. You want him to see you as head twistingly beautiful. You want him to see you as brilliant, immaculate, clean, funny, talented, popular, and desirable.

Become the woman you want him to see, and be this woman constantly because you never know when he'll happen by you. Smile, laugh, talk with co-workers at work. Hit the gym. Become single minded in your desire to achieve at work so that your achivements will be visible to him as well as everyone else. Make-up, nails, hair, style...never allow them to falter.

Ask your co-workers how they are every day with a smile. Offer help to those around you. Turn on the lights inside of yourself as bright as you can. Your co-workers will begin talking about you and saying good things about you, which will get back to him. Imagine him walking by and seeing you looking fit, beautifully styled & manicured, smiling and laughing with a group of people around you right after a big success at work. What do you imagine he sees? Take those qualities you imagine and then be them. Your achivements will become visible. Your improvement in health and appearance will become visible.

It will begin with you doing all of these things so that you might dangle a beautiful version of yourself in the corners of his awareness, but before long, you'll love this new version of yourself so much that it won't be for him anymore...it'll be for you.

Use who you want to be to him, and make that person who you are. Use that obsession to make yourself the unattainable thing to him that he is to you.

Queen Elizabeth yourself, girl.

Title	Oneitis over someone at work
Author	Heldenhaft
Upvotes	3
Comments	18
Date	November 30, 2015 12:49 PM UTC (10 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/3uuh6h/oneitis_over_someone_at_work/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/oneitis-over-someone-at-work.85809 https://theredarchive.com/post/85809

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