How do you guys find out about past lovers and why do you care?

_the_shape_ · 2017-05-25T01:07:09+00:00

One way to minimize (or completely eliminate) this concern is to focus only on whether or not she's giving you what you want.

Is she giving you sex on tap? Yes? Good. (partner count irrelevant)

Is she refraining from bringing drama and all sorts of other negative emotions into your life? Yes? Good. (partner count irrelevant)

Does she contribute to your life in some way that you find enjoyable? (good listener, fun to be around, sees the positive in situations etc.) Yes? Good. (partner count irrelevant)

It's a monster you yourself can magnify to stratospheric proportions, or one you can sand down to complete irrelevancy.

It's all in your mind.

Control it, or be controlled by it.

PragmaticRedTruth · 2017-05-25T12:37:19+00:00

You never ask, this makes it seem like you're jealous or worried.

You can tell by the woman, what she does. After you've slept with tons, it's obvious who has a high partner count and who doesn't.

It matters because women don't respond to multiple partners the same way men do.

walawalawa · 2017-05-25T11:43:30+00:00

The bigger red flag is when they start telling you without being prompted.

Last one told (a few times) about some guy she strung along for a year, went to meet him in another country, when he tried to fuck her, she said she told him no. He had a fit, she left, met a guy on a train...fucked him.

That was good intel. Immediately demoted to plate.

[deleted] · 2017-05-25T07:11:23+00:00

Is she dresses/acts like a whore. If she has mainly male friends... You know her n count is probably high.

Although, I would rather be high with a high n-count girl who is saint, than whore-like (dressed whore, grinds on dudes, drunk, but no "cheating") with low n-count that makes me regret monogamy.

She has to work for your commitment. Not you. Don't ask these questions. You KNOW the truth. A girl always gives you a vibe.

quicklogaccount · 2017-05-25T00:12:17+00:00

How do you ask them?

There is no approach for this that conserves your alpha value to her. Basically you don't ask.

Why do you even care how many guys she's slept with?

It ONLY matters for LTRs. Guys only sweat over this regarding plates and fwbs if they're on scarcity and pedestalizing.
Long story short, the more guys she slept with, the more likely she is to become a bitch and the more likely she is to cheat.
So basically, if you're looking for an LTR (this is probably starting out wrong by the way), you do well to avoid women that belong to groups and sets that slept around a lot. It'll save your time.

And if you are screening for an LTR, how can you really know that she's telling the truth?

Well. You can't. But you'll easily notice if she turns herself into a bitch, you'll easily notice if an average woman cheats (and you don't force yourself to look away), you'll easily notice if the relationship becomes bad for you (if you don't allow yourself to be brainwashed into believing it is "maturing" or some shit like that), that sort of shit.
If shit like that happens you still can't say it happened because she slept around, there are so many other causes it's naive to assume that. But how you'll handle each one of those issues doesn't change with whatever caused them. Sleeping around or being spoiled, your approach should be the same to solve them (including "nexting" in solving).

Let's be honest, PC got this one right. It matters to populations, sets of women, and when it comes to populations you don't really have to ask. You'll look for a LTR partner in a park, library or concert, not in a club or college bar. And if the girl you met at the library goes to hook up bars you'll review how much you're willing to invest in a LTR with her, on the spot. Or at least you should.
When it comes down to the individual the count MIGHT cause some issues, but it's not an exclusive cause to those issues. So knowing upfront doesn't actually allow a diagnosis before the issues come. And the issues aren't subtle themselves, you can let yourself worry about them if and when they come.
Lots of guys are just plain insecure about it and obsess. In this case, just raise your own number, it'll do the trick.

Borsao66 · 2017-05-25T00:26:02+00:00

If you truly didn't care, why would you try to find out?

[deleted] · 2017-05-25T03:31:20+00:00

You will never find out by asking.

You can only ballpark it based upon experience and listening to her and observing.

You can definitely place a girl into "probably a slut" vs. "probably not a slut" based upon how she carries herself, what she says about her past, how much she respects herself, how she acts around you, and probably most importantly how she acts around men and how she reacts to their advances. (edit: also based upon how easily she fucks you and how she fucks you)

"Slut" has a low false positive rate and a higher false negative rate. Meaning, some sluts can fool you into thinking they are not, but if you get that gut feeling that says "this girl is a slut" then you are almost never wrong.

If you stay rational and observe and woman and her friends, then it is usually pretty obvious whom is LTR material. It's just common sense. Any woman with any sort of wild streak is almost never good in a LTR. They will be exciting for a time then drive you nuts.

Title	How do you guys find out about past lovers and why do you care?
Author	Peter_B_Long
Upvotes	0
Comments	16
Date	May 24, 2017 11:54 PM UTC (9 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/6d616t/how_do_you_guys_find_out_about_past_lovers_and/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/how-do-you-guys-find-out-about-past-lovers-and-why.91610 https://theredarchive.com/post/91610

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