Ex wife just told me she isn't going to let me see my kids for Father's Day. There is nothing I can do about it. When will this stop?

Stoicviking · 2017-06-16T01:04:40+00:00

She's trying to wear you down. Unless you fight it and take her to court seeking contempt of court and legal fees she is going to get away with it. My ex-wife has been pulling this same bullshit every six months since our divorce 5 years ago.... I currently have 3 contempt charges in court against her.

Hilmvegan · 2017-06-16T00:47:28+00:00

Shit man this hurts reading this, I don't have anything to offer other then my words but best of luck.

tedwards1342 · 2017-06-16T01:00:17+00:00

I've gone through this in the past. I don't have joint custody, and I've been "allowed" to see my kids once in the last month and a half.... it's just the way the weekends fell, and she wouldn't let me have them the weekends in between. I'm not trying to make this a pissing contest, I keep telling myself that my kids will eventually see her for the monster that she is.

As far as when will it end? Maybe when she finds another man to be with, if at all. My ex hasn't found another man in 6 years, maybe that's because there aren't that many stupid men in her town.

Il128 · 2017-06-16T01:18:18+00:00

It doesn't stop. The only thing you can do is try really hard to not let it show she's hurting you this way. If she knows she can hurt you with the kids this will go on forever and get worse.

You've got to play it cool and not let her know it bothers you.

As far as courts, police, etc. They will not help and in fact will make things worse for you.

ThisGirlIsHellaCrazy · 2017-06-16T02:32:01+00:00

Doesn't she realize that she is only hurting the children with her theatrics? Someday they will resent her for forcing a wedge between them and you. Big hugs. You sound like an excellent father. I would have given anything to have a dad that actually wanted to spend time with me.

Fftman · 2017-06-16T05:48:57+00:00

document document document, next time she drags your ass to court for anything (and she probably will when she finds out about a promotion), show up with a slew of documents showing how she's violated the agreement every which way.

Th3Crusader · 2017-06-16T03:07:57+00:00

As a kid who has to deal with this kind of crap, eventually your children will see their mother for how she is and either make her understand that it isn't right for her to do that, or make her let them see you anyways.

Mac4491 · 2017-06-16T08:17:14+00:00

Is there some form of kidnapping in there somewhere?

My decree states Father's Day I get the children

Is this legally binding? If so, how can she be...

taking the kids out of town this weekend and isn't going coming back until Monday purposefully so I can't see them on fathers day.

Seems like this decree should legally stop her from doing so.

Police can't help

Call them. Your children are being kidnapped as far as I'm concerned.

emjaytheomachy · 2017-06-16T09:45:31+00:00

Where do you normally meet? Is it somewhere neutral? If so, go there anyways at the normal meeting time and buy something at the closest gas station or store with a debit or credit card and save the receipt. She might try to claim you never showed up to pick up the kids (yes even with text messages you have.)

If you normally pick them up at her house, go there to get them like you normally would, and take a day-time stamped picture showing you were there to get them.

onlyslightlybiased · 2017-06-16T06:42:05+00:00

I have an uncle who can only see his child when the kid lies to her mum about where she's going for the day. I feel so sorry for you and hope that it doesn't come to a similar situation

2017-06-16T07:59:36+00:00

It will stop only when men make it stop. As in stop feeding a system that shits on them in every way imaginable.

Mens rights will never take hold by protesting, pushing for legal change, social awareness, or crying about it on the internet. Because no one gives a fuck about mens rights. Men don't have the sympathy or sex appeal to weave illusion as females do.

Until men demand fair rights and take actions that will possibly lead to those rights they will never get them.

What can men do? Leave the country. Work as little as possible. Give up and go to prison. They can't imprison all divorced fathers. Even if they could, who gives a fuck. Just as good as trying hard for jack shit.

Can't believe anyone pays child support or agrees to visitations. Its like child ransom backed by the government that last 18 years. You pay, you get to see them a bit. Then they get taken away. Sometimes you pay and you don't even get to see them. Its worse than fucking terrorism. If it was me I would just leave the country and wish my kids the best with this welfare society ran by gynocentric lunatics.

tl;dr - takes balls and guts to make a difference. Progress requires sacrifice. All forms of justice and morality depend upon men, not females. Its not possible for females to have a sense of fairness, clearly.

youlooklikeshit · 2017-06-16T09:09:07+00:00

I hope this helps you.

Rockbottom503 · 2017-06-16T11:22:30+00:00

She is in breach of a court order! It's slow going but all I'd suggest you do is keep a record and take her back to court every time this crap happens. Eventually a judge will probably award you full custody

nihilist11 · 2017-06-16T11:37:13+00:00

document every thing she does .place it in a folder and when you kids turn 18 give them the folder.that's what i did because women like my ex will only be happy when they destroy your relationship with you and your kids this way when they are older they will understand what you did to be with them

2017-06-16T11:44:07+00:00

You'll need a lawyer and a court date. You won't get one on short notice, so you're screwed for Fathers day.

But.. you need to build a case that she's abusing the kids and refusing to follow the court order. Once or twice and the courts go "meh". More times, and they might actually do something.

By and large, the courts don't care about women ignoring court orders. It's a tacit admission that women are more powerful than judges. But god forbid you disobey a ruling. The full force of the law will come down on you.

Obi_is_not_Dead · 2017-06-16T12:09:27+00:00

If it's as you say it is, then that's bullshit. Using children as weapons against an ex-spouse is evil, and if anything, shows who the real problem was in the relationship. If you're a good father, then keeping the kids from you is hurting them more than it is you.

If you've got the money, then I'd fight it anyway, even if you think it's fruitless. If money's tight, and you know it'd be a waste, then I understand, as well. But fight it if you can. At least if you tie her up in court every time she tries to pull bullshit like this, she knows there will be consequences for her actions, and might make her give in to avoid the hassle next time. Those are your kids, man. Fight for them if it's financially possible for you. And good luck with that evil ex.

mikesteane · 2017-06-16T16:43:45+00:00

When she realises she is not doing herself any good.

JasHanz · 2017-06-16T17:09:20+00:00

You absolutely must document and file with the court. The only way to break the cycle is to legally hold her accountable.

She's hanging herself here. Let her.

heimdahl81 · 2017-06-17T03:08:31+00:00

I don't have much advice on what to do specifically here, but I was a child of divorced parents. My mom played games and cut time from my dad as much as she could. My dad didn't fight her as much as he could have because he knew their fighting would just hurt me. In hindsight my mom probably enjoyed the martyrdom of being "deprived" her child one day a week, so it could have gotten worse.

My dad always made our time together about us and about teaching me all the things he wasn't there to teach during the week. We would cook together, fix things together, grocery shop together. Whenever we were driving somewhere he would tell me stories about his life and impersonal philosophy for living. We spent tons of time hiking through the woods and fishing where we talked as well. He always made sure our time together was important and that I knew I was important to him. From the time I was 5 until I went to college, he only missed 3 Saturdays with me due to illness. He never let anything get in the way of our time together.

He was 40 when I was born and that was a very different way to grow up. We are very different men in a lot of ways, but in spite of that I am suite he respects me and is proud of me.

The point of all this is being an adult and looking back on my childhood, I can see how much he sacrificed for me because he loved me. I can see how my mom's pettiness hurt me. Your kids will have the perspective of an adult one day and they will understand the truth.

jmac323 · 2017-06-17T05:01:23+00:00

I was thinking about this post today while driving and maybe someone has mentioned this to you already but consider making a recording, dated, every time something like this happens. Make it for your kids and tell them what you had planned for that special time together, what you're feeling, what obstacles you had before you. All of that. Save the recordings and give them to your children when they are old enough to understand. I've witnessed too many mothers bad mouth the father of their kids and poison them. This way they will be able to see and hear the emotion on your face and know what you went through . I know it isn't much when it comes to the helplessness of these situations but it is something you can do to show your kids what you actually went through just trying to be their father. Good luck and I'll be thinking of you Sunday.

user1492 · 2017-06-16T11:09:11+00:00

You can probably file an emergency petition with the court today. Whether you will actually be heard is up in the air, but it's a shot.

Simply write down the details - you have custody this weekend, she said she's going to deny you custody, and you need an emergency order from the court instructing her to obey the order.

Even if you don't get the kids file a motion for contempt on Monday. Don't let this shit stand.

Juan_Golt · 2017-06-16T15:51:32+00:00

Yep. This is the trap at the end of the child custody process. Even for the guys who fight it out to the end, and manage somehow to get something. Mom can still just say 'not today' with no repercussions.

I dealt with this process several times. In practice it looked like this.

She would refuse to honor the court ordered schedule.
Call police to enforce court order.
Police say they can't force her to turn over kiddo, but they will file a report. "Take it up with the judge".
Judge says "The two of you need to learn to work together, go back to mediation".
Mediator listens to Mom first and she has manufactured some BS reason why she couldn't make the time happen. Then asks Dad "Why can't you two work together on schedule adjustments" etc...
Mediator sends something back to court along the lines of "both parties agree to work together and follow the court order".
Judge says "Ok done".

If you try to insist on sanctions the judge will basically say "I'm not going to sanction someone over a schedule conflict, she wanted certain time and you wanted certain time, work it out."

I'm sure you understand that these standards do not apply in reverse, so you should not retaliate in kind. The best example I can think of is one time where the police showed up at my door during my court ordered time because she decided she wanted the time. I showed the court order to the cop, but I didn't have the one with the official court seal yet (new order, sealed version had not arrived yet). Officer refused to acknowledge the order as legit. Then subsequently threatened to wrestle me to the ground and arrest me if I didn't produce kiddo immediately. Mother had no documentation at all.

There is one of two ways you can combat this bullshit.

Fight it every time. Knowing you're not going to win, but documenting it anyway. The goal here is you at least make it cost her something. She has to go to court and spend the day defending herself. Maybe someday you get lucky and they get tired of her bullshit.
Never fight it in and instead plan on just dealing with her controlling the schedule. Opting instead to document every violation and bring it up with her during your annual review of the parenting plan. The main advantage here is that it prevents her from learning just how much she can get away with.

You really want to go all one way or all the other. Where dads get in trouble is that they fight it just often enough to teach Mom that she can do whatever she wants with impunity and the courts will never call her on it. The threat of going back to court only carries weight if she doesn't know just how one sided it is.

2017-06-16T20:17:00+00:00

Wait until Father's day then report the kids as kidnapped.

gracetorres0425 · 2017-06-17T08:15:59+00:00

You have the right to be with your children so must fight for it.

HouseElfHaberdashery · 2017-06-17T15:04:46+00:00

In my kids' home state, failure to produce the children for custody exchange in accordance with court ordered visitation is Custodial Interference a Class E Felony.

It's kind of a bullshit law, since getting the kids exchanged before the cops arrest you for the crime is an affirmative defense... But her bullshit abusive games with the children stopped immediately and (so far) permanently after the first time I mentioned it.

What's your location? Try \/r\/legaladvice?

Thesepantsaretoohot · 2017-06-16T03:22:54+00:00

petty knows no bounds, get back by taking them over Christmas, new year, mothers day etc.

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