So I was attacked by my girlfriend and 3 days later I ended up in jail

pazz · 2016-08-03T01:04:35+00:00

Never talk to the police without a lawyer. This is life lesson #1

DougDante · 2016-08-03T02:12:45+00:00

I'm not a lawyer. This is not legal advice.

You need a lawyer.

Sounds to me like the police violated the latest USDOJ guidance which instructs local PDs to train their officers to gather all facts.

If what you say is true they may have viewed you as guilty based on gender and violated your civil rights to nondiscrimination under VAWA 2013.

If I were you I would talk about these issues with my lawyer , and ask about my rights as a victim of domestic violence.

That said, if "I defended myself" and the ex-girlfriend ended up with substantial injuries, that's not going to be treated as self defense.

Revoran · 2016-08-03T05:56:25+00:00

OK a few things:

Get a lawyer.
The police are allowed to lie to you about most things.
The police and public prosecutors are not trying to help, they are trying to build a case against you.
Anything you say to them will be twisted to make you look like an abuser.
Do NOT talk to police without your lawyer present (other than giving your name and address).
Do not consent to come down to the station.
This is serious. If you are convicted of domestic violence, you could get a criminal record or even go to jail.
You need a lawyer even if you have to borrow money to pay him/her.

Shanguerrilla · 2016-08-03T10:07:36+00:00

What do I have to look forward or not look forward to. The ex is a diagnosed bipolar, has been on and off meds (zoloft) and I have proof and text messages of her claiming her instability. Please lend me some incite.

YUP. Except mine is borderline personality disorder rather than bipolar!

My insight? Her proof of instability doesn't matter. In fact, physical evidence of me bleeding and having contusions, her admitting to the cop that she started it and I kept walking away, her having ZERO injuries of any kind (I didn't even defend myself from mine in an attempt to avoid what I was unable anyway)... my telling him that after I didn't defend myself and walked away the second time, she later snuck up on me looking at my bleeding minor injuries, laughing, then threatening that she could "get me into trouble by calling the cops" NONE of that matters. The cops won't take pictures, they won't look at injuries. They don't give a fuck about you and barely do her. I was married to her, I still am, but haven't been back to MY home (only in my name) since that night. For a month I was legally barred from going there without losing bond and I couldn't see my son.

So you have 'that' to look forward to, but you are already past most of that and it sounds like a girlfriend and one you don't have kids with, so that's a plus.

BUT, and I don't promise this, my experience with court was very different than the police. The cops didn't care that I never touched her, they didn't care that I was injured from her assault, they only cared that a woman said 'he pushed me, I'm scared'. What they care about is simply booking you, separating you, they don't care if you are guilty or the victim. They just don't want to come back out. Court though, for me, did care. I had a really really good female judge. While pictures of my injuries and if I had testified and spoke the actual events rather than the fictional narrative the prosecutor weaved, that wouldn't matter. The woman THAT INITIATED the police being involved will likely NEVER have to face ANY trouble for being the 'real' primary aggressor. She also will NEVER face repercussions for false allegations. After you beat this, if you desire chasing it, you can pay thousands to a lawyer and file civil suit. I instead recommend you hire a GOOD lawyer RIGHt NOW. You don't need to prove the truth, you don't even need to prove that you didn't become violent with her. You need him to prove to the judge that there is reasonable doubt you were not the aggressor and are not a domestically violent man. My lawyer never told the real events. He never had me testify. In my case he simply cross examined the bullshit the prosecutor led my BPD wife on and he got her to admit she 1) started the interaction and I walked away, while she reinitiated more than once 2) that I NEVER injured her in any way even though she claimed 'I pushed her' and the cop somehow led her to saying I 'got her in an armbar' but that I in fact never did leave any marks or there is reasonable doubt I did and 3) that after she was violent, I again worked to de escalate and leave the confrontation without hurting her.

I guess the TL;dr would be to FIND A GOOD LAWYER. That is absolutely necessary. Also to realize that she will NEVER be punished for assaulting you or for false allegations. Instead your goal needs to be to get acquitted, DO NOT accept any plea bargains AT ALL if you are innocent. They offered me better and better deals, none with jail, then pretrial intervention. I told them that I would sooner face the maximum sentence pleading not guilty for something I'm not guilty of, than I would plead guilty to something that I was literally the only victim of, and I meant it. Take it to TRIAL if you are innocent. It doesn't matter if she still lies, in criminal court the burden of proof is on the prosecutor, not you. After these false allegations, and it sounds as though you won't end there like me, it is family court where we get even more screwed as that balance is reversed.

I wouldn't focus on her instability at all. My wife has that in spades, provable. It didn't matter at all for me, all that mattered was that I never threatened her and never in any way injured her. While it was a he-said, she-said affair... I never even had to he-said the real events. Just have my lawyer prove beyond a reasonable doubt that I committed the crime.

I will say that I felt a LOT more confident with my injuries documented and READY to use in court. My lawyer was GREAT, the judge was great too, but in my case it wasn't necessary to get in the mud to paint the bias and general fact that she is unstable, he WAS READY to have me testify and he was ready to share photographs of my injuries while hers were non-existent and he was ready if needed to explain how she was attempting to use this out of the upcoming divorce, to gain a change of status (she's an immigrant) and to gain custody and power in the upcoming divorce.

You can't lay down at all in this process and you likely won't ever even be able to 'lay it all down', instead your lawyer has to fight and you have to be resolute to never pleading or accepting guilt for something you aren't. It is a battle that is winnable though, but you have to have all the pieces READY to use and focus on the end-goal over anything else. You will never get 'justice', ever, in this process. The goalposts are only to get the charges completely dropped and to NEVER plead guilty (and they don't tell you that involves typically a year of 'domestic batterer' classes / anger classes where you have to pretend you are an evil man and wife beater).

I was completely acquitted last week.

2016-08-03T01:30:58+00:00

[permanently deleted]

HugoBorden · 2016-08-03T02:40:24+00:00

Too late now, but if you have any doubts about a chick, videotape everything. The only way you can get justice at this time with the system being run by feminazis who want your pound of flesh.

Funcuz · 2016-08-03T07:43:02+00:00

What exactly does self-defense entail here ?

I'm not trying to cast any doubt on your side here but I think it would be good to know who did what. I mean, you say you defended yourself (and I'm sure you did) but is that because she was provoking your or because she was attacking you with a frying pan ? Unfortunately, that sort of thing matters. Well, no, not unfortunately. That's more or less how things should be. If you're in jail then either she lied about the degree to which she was injured or she was injured and you weren't.

This is not a judgement in any way. I'm just saying a few more details would be appreciated.

iainmf · 2016-08-03T08:05:00+00:00

Had to have a chuckle:

incite: encourage or stir up (violent or unlawful behaviour).

insight: the capacity to gain an accurate and deep understanding of someone or something.

But seriously, your situation sucks, and I'm sorry I can't really help.

letsgetrandy · 2016-08-03T17:00:21+00:00

First, get a lawyer.

Second, do not call, text, email, or any other way contact the ex.

Any good lawyer can probably walk into the courtroom and ask for evidence of the crime you're being charged with. Without evidence, it's just her word against yours, and you'll almost always win that... but only if you have a lawyer.

If you're in or near Chicago, I can recommend someone.

BaconCatBug · 2016-08-03T09:59:53+00:00

You are an idiot and I have zero sympathy for you.

Title	So I was attacked by my girlfriend and 3 days later I ended up in jail
Author	bobbyfaraday
Upvotes	128
Comments	43
Date	August 3, 2016 12:57 AM UTC (9 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MensRights
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/MensRights/comments/4vvwlr/so_i_was_attacked_by_my_girlfriend_and_3_days/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MensRights/so-i-was-attacked-by-my-girlfriend-and-3-days.944443 https://theredarchive.com/post/944443

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