A woman on 'Gotcha pregnancies': "Sometimes you are just so bored with trying to find the perfect nuclear set-up that a small primitive part of you just thinks: 'Ooh, let's just see what happens with this one, and if this leads to a baby, then so be it.'

5th_Law_of_Robotics · 2015-03-05T15:20:46+00:00

In America, they even have a name for this - they call them 'gotcha' pregnancies. Many of the women involved deliberately avoid birth control and have no intention of letting their unwitting bedfellow know this.

I guess that sounds better than reproductive coercion.

But if you have failed to find a partner who wants to have children, then, albeit subconsciously, you may find yourself engineering the chance to conceive in a somewhat ruthless way. It's an emotional, hormonal urge in all fertile women which is not governed by common sense.

Sounds like rapist logic.

"no see sex is an emotional, hormonal urge. And since I couldn't find a compliant partner I had to take matters in to my own hands".

If men aren't responsible about their own contraception, they are laying themselves open to manipulation by women. Pregnancy has long been used as leverage by the desperate. Maybe the woman is in a relationship with a powerful man and she wants to get a hold over him, even if only in a financial way.

Victim blaming.

If she didn't want to get raped why did she get drunk?

If he didn't want to be forced in to parenthood why did he believe me when I lied about being in the pill?

(I know she claims she was upfront about this but the same logic seems to be applied even when the woman lies.)

Men can want to be fathers accidentally on purpose, too, you know. I don't think they are always the poor victimised man with some awful harridan forcing her fertility wishes on him. Men are equal players in this game.

And more rapist logic: let's not pretend she didn't want it. Dressed like that? She's not some innocent bystander. She was totally in to the game.

Marriage is no guarantee, of course. I've got a really good friend who was very happily married. She had the big house in the Home Counties and children at private school. But then her husband left her, skipped the country and now she's a penniless single mother, so even the safest bet can let you down.

Probably a hormonal thing. She wasn't fulfilling some biological need so he made himself happy regardless of the harm it did to her and the fatherless kid.

He's a hero really....

mindless_gibberish · 2015-03-05T16:30:02+00:00

If you lie about being on birth control to get a man to have sex with you, does that violate "Affirmative consent?"

td9red · 2015-03-05T18:58:55+00:00

This practice is despicable. If a woman wants to have a baby on her own she can go to a sperm bank and not play with someone else's life.

some_goliard · 2015-03-05T19:51:50+00:00

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No shit.

jvardrake · 2015-03-05T17:16:57+00:00

From the article:

"But, seriously, if a man takes a risk like that, he has to face the consequences. The woman, meanwhile, needs to make sure she has unprotected sex with the right kind of man."

If this sounds okay to you, you are what feminists themselves call a victim blamer. Don't believe me?

Lets reverse the genders for equality:

"But, seriously, if a woman takes a risk like that, she has to face the consequences. The man, meanwhile, needs to make sure he has unprotected sex with the right kind of woman."

Does it sound like victim blaming now? A woman facing consequences for unwanted children and deserving it? Then its no different with a man, because the consequences are harsh for him too.

consequences include:

-Social expectation for child rearing and possible reputation as a deadbeat dad if he does not conform.

-Being forced to have a relationship with that woman who manipulated him if he ever desires to have a meaningful relationship with his child.

-Being forced to pay child support for 18 or more years on the most collectible dept there exist(wage garnishment, no bankruptcy forgiveness, threat of jail time, and other stuff) which makes it tantamount to slavery.

This is a violation of Male Reproductive Rights, of which men don't really have much to begin with.

whelponry · 2015-03-05T16:48:03+00:00

It is primitive thinking, and more importantly utterly selfish thinking because of how it could negatively affect children. Says more about society than anything else.

5th_Law_of_Robotics · 2015-03-06T00:57:40+00:00

Gotcha pregnancies! I got it, kind of like "gotcha" sex, where you surprise someone and have sex with them without their consent. That's totally cool, right?

5th_Law_of_Robotics · 2015-03-05T23:27:42+00:00

It's an emotional, hormonal urge in all fertile women which is not governed by common sense.

So, if you've got 18-20x the levels of the primary androgen in humanity, the androgen that creates the bulk of our aggression and sexual behaviour, you can't use that massive discrepancy in that hormone to explain away any behaviour, of any sort, as hormonally driven.

On the other hand, if you want a baby and you're a woman, you can explain away defrauding a man of hundreds of thousands of dollars of child support and the control over his own reproductive life by blaming it on the hormones.

Holy fucking hell that's a leap.

IgnatiusBSamson · 2015-03-05T18:35:37+00:00

WHAT THE FUCKING FUCK

Vanriel · 2015-03-05T19:19:58+00:00

Maybe the woman is in a relationship with a powerful man and she wants to get a hold over him, even if only in a financial way

Oh that doesn't sound like coercion at all does it.

Other women might be desperate because they want to keep a man who has strayed

In that case, I would say your an idiot anyway.

I don't think they are always the poor victimised man with some awful harridan forcing her fertility wishes on him.

I don't know, kinda sounds exactly like that tbh.

Men are equal players in this game.

Hah, tell me another why don't you.

I just can't help myself

Hmm, that sounds like a rapist talking.

Edit: These are comments from the ariticle, followed by my own thoughts. I am new to using this, so I don't really have much knowledge of formatting and all the technical stuff, So for reference apologies if anyone is offended by it.

Lrellok · 2015-03-05T20:43:17+00:00

I am more interested in the statement that after decades of feminism, women still see nuclear family as such an important goal that they are willing to throw concent to the four winds to attain it. Says a lot really.

kinkthrowaway4022 · 2015-03-06T01:21:19+00:00

One of my very close relatives gave my girlfriend advice like this.

We have talked about starting a family, but recently there have been some big changes in my life, one of them being starting a new job. At the moment, I don't have enough stability to start a family.

But my girlfriend was advised to "hurry up before the two of you get old" and that there are ways to make it "just happen", that she didn't have to wait for me to say ok, and that children "practically raise themselves".

My girlfriend said it isn't exactly rare for her to receive this kind of advice from others either.

xNOM · 2015-03-05T20:53:59+00:00

Three words: "court ordered Norplant"

tallwheel · 2015-03-06T03:03:18+00:00

It's an emotional, hormonal urge in all fertile women which is not governed by common sense.

Wow. I've always kind of suspected that. Here we have a woman basically confirming it.

anobaith · 2015-03-07T17:07:35+00:00

Is it just me, or do they seem to be laying it on pretty thick these day's?

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