SO (F) needs to ask a question to the men of reddit [Serious] (self xpost from /r/AskMen)

BlindPelican · 2014-06-13T02:56:53+00:00

I had an abusive 2nd Wave feminist mother. I grew up regularly hearing "all men are pigs", "you're just a male", "the world would be better with no men in it", and other delightful messages.

Good therapy, learning to separate a sick person's actions from what they represent, and many years passing have all helped me be a lot more objective about things so it's all pretty much good now.

thatgirlwhoislikeagu · 2014-06-13T02:45:55+00:00

Feminist roommate would get drunk and grope me constantly, even after a thousand times I told her to stop. Then she'd talk about rape, and patriarchy, and unwelcome advances, and how I'm evil for having a penis. Once, when I told her I was done listening to her harp on about rape culture and patriarchy, she violently attacked me, called the police, and attempted to have me arrested - she screamed to the dispatcher that I was violent, and hurting her. She destroyed my bedroom door while they were on the way. Since her knuckles were bloody, I had a black eye, and I had barricaded myself in my room, I wasn't taken to jail... but neither was she. She received no consequences, then demanded I apologize to her.

Feminism, folks.

notnotnotfred · 2014-06-13T02:48:29+00:00

1) Feminist professor at the womens studies program at $university lines the class us up and ordered us to hurl insults at each other.

I went to the department office and was told "you get no sympathy"

2) http://www.avoiceformen.com/feminism/legitimate-rape-advocacy-and-censorship/

3) childhood, several iterative versions of girls saying "I hit a boy but you can't hit back because I'm a girl."

M4Strings · 2014-06-13T11:25:53+00:00

I've had to deal with feminists that I used to consider moderates until certain exchanges happened. I was told that women have every right to hate and fear men, that women are still oppressed in our society (funny because we're all in Canada...), wage gap hurled at me, and how dare I question any of that or "Patriarchy^C" because I can't possibly know the struggles women go through because I'm a man. When I try and tell them that all of that is sexist and/or insane, the resulting fallout pretty well split our group of friends (those who were sick of feminist BS, those who were feminist BS, and those who just didn't give a shit either way).

I've also been told by the same people that even though myself and other men I know always have some form of self defense item on them at all times and are always wary of passing strangers that it's nothing compared to what women go through because it isn't systematic fear men face. They've mastered cognitive dissonance since they say that women have every right to fear men and that men (especially those pesky white men) have been responsible in some way for all historic wrongs while saying that feminism is a place for everyone to be heard.

Maybe a year or so before this I was barraged on facebook by these same friends about not being a feminist. Their arguments ranged from "why do you want women to have less rights than men" to "if you're not a feminist you're actively working against equality and hate women". They recently ttried this on another guy inn our group of friends who agrees more with my point of view on feminism but would never say because he'll be alienated from our group hangouts like I am.

Basically, I'm done with feminists and feminism for the same reason that I initially left the catholic religion, it might do some good for some people here and there, but I just don't want to deal with all the screaming crazies or be associated with them.

Methodius_ · 2014-06-13T05:30:35+00:00

My girlfriend is a feminist, and we recently got into an argument about the MRM where she basically said "If you defend the MRM, I will break up with you". Mind you, I don't even consider myself an MRA (since I've only been introduced to the movement very recently). As breaking up with her would cause me to lose my current place of residence (we live with her family) and I have nowhere else to go, I was basically forced to lie to make sure I had a roof over my head.

Her and her best friend are basically textbook internet feminists. In previous arguments I've had the typical, toxic response of "I wouldn't want to hurt your man-feelings" thrown back at me when discussing serious issues. During the previous argument, I literally laid out a bunch of the issues that the MRM advocates change for (courts being biased against men, men and young boys getting less education, etc), and she basically ignored it all saying that feminism would take care of it all eventually, but they're too busy working on their own problems. She then provided me with an article given to her by her best friend that talked about the MRM as a hate group, describing it using terms from TRP and PUA communities. I stopped trying to explain at that point, knowing I would lose the battle and the war.

precambrianpark · 2014-06-13T04:51:55+00:00

Had a feminist friend threaten to cut my balls off with her pocket knife when I said I didn't have sexual privilege.

thatgirlwhoislikeagu · 2014-06-13T05:06:46+00:00

My father works, cooks dinner every night that we don't eat out, and cleans all the dishes created in the process. He maintains the cars, lawn, does his own laundry, cleans up after the dog and cats, does most of the grocery shopping (he is the one cooking after all). You name it, he does it. He's a feminist's dream, totally subservient in most ways but still fills all the soft roles of the patriarchy by providing for the family.

All this occurred while my mother didn't work for about 10+ years. During arguments she would frequently claim that she did all the work around the household, which was simply untrue. It's not that she was slovenly, she drove us kids to school, soccer, etc., did our (the kids') laundry, took care of trips to the bank.

My mother was prone to fits of rage, but at least she held back from violence, most of the time. The worst she would get is throwing objects, remotes, pens, things of that sort. She would be especially stressed during "vacations". I put quotations around that word because I don't see how it was relaxing for anyone involved. At the drop of a hat, she would explode and all of the carefully laid travel plans would just go up in smoke.

Since my father never contested this sort of behavior, it only escalated over time. My sisters and I, being smaller and weaker, were never in much of a place to fight back.

I moved out for a few years, but like so many youngsters today, I'm living with them again. I'm not sure what's changed since then, but she treats me with respect now. Maybe she sees me as an adult, or maybe she's on meds that I haven't really felt the need to ask about. Setting off that potential minefield when I'm living in their house is hardly my idea of a good idea. It's been a positive experience overall, moving back in. I have $10k saved up, no debt. I plan to stay this way for a while longer, though. More importantly, it showed me that people can change, and sometimes a lot faster than we think.

While my mother doesn't proclaim from the mountaintops that she is a feminist, she would definitely say that she is one if asked.

Having this as the world I grew up in, I would be pretty confused by the various feminist news segments, however rare. One made an argument stating that adding women to the workforce was actually making things worse for women, since in a traditional household they also do most of the chores. I get the argument, and agree with the logic behind it, but since my family's situation stood in such stark contrast to that, with my unemployed mother doing less around the house than my father... it instead triggered my questioning of the feminist movement. I felt my mother had, however indirectly, used it to gain a more comfortable situation at the expense of my father's health and sanity.

After that, I began to see the subtle ways that society began working against men instead of for women.

I wondered if it was just another case of confirmation bias, me seeing things only because I wanted to see things that matched my perception of reality. I didn't want to become a male version of the feminists that I would hear about, taking basically everything anyone does as an attack on women. I wondered for a long time if I was the only one who felt that society had started to work against men, because of what I perceived to be a unique home life. In my mind what was constantly referred to as a "traditional family" also meant "most families".

With that sort of mindset, I was so happy to have discovered men's rights. For once, I wasn't the only one. I found the arguments to be level-headed and logical. I was happy to have finally found a community that not only provided a forum to speak about these opinions openly, but also seems to recognize more than just talking points. I was shocked to hear about injustices that I had not been exposed to.

Interestingly, I found the feminism / MRA debates to be not dissimilar to the arguments my mother and father would have. My mother would shriek random accusations, slam things, burst into tears. Then my father would make a calm, less emotional, more logical point. It would go back and forth like that until my mother finally just stopped talking. There were very few resolutions, fights really only ended when my mother would just be done with the argument, conceding absolutely nothing. I wish I could think of a specific example... but I try not to remember those fights. I would just lock myself in my room, hoping that no attention would be paid to me that night.

Often, the only counterpoint to the more radical feminist arguments were people like Rush Limbaugh and anti-abortion protestors. At least it was, before 2010. I created a false dichotomy for myself and felt I just had to accept the bad parts of feminism with the good. I'm glad that men's rights exists, to provide the more neutral ground I want to stand upon. I hope that the next logical step can be taken and the "two sides" can come together and support each others' more reasonable efforts more.

Feel free to use any of this in your essay.

2014-06-13T06:02:39+00:00

Ex wife, self-described feminist, used to have a very volatile temper. A particularly dishonest person, it's as if she felt being a woman basically entitled her to embellish or lie whenever the truth presented an inconvenience to her. Occasionally, she would brag about having gotten someone in trouble at work or elsewhere by lying or manipulating others.

She used to scream at me if she didn't get her way, sometimes hit, and very frequently block me from exiting the premises in order to avoid her violent outbursts.

One time, she came home drunk and sexually assaulted me.

I didn't dare fight back, because I knew within all likelihood she would lie to get me in trouble if I did.

A former boss of mine was somewhat similar. Yelling and shouting were not uncommon, though obviously I didn't have to deal with as much of the personal stuff.

Many other more transient experiences throughout my life...

waves_of_ignerence · 2014-06-13T06:06:14+00:00

I venture to guess that most people that have come to the MHRM have come due to seeing bias in divorce courts or by having abusive mothers who used feminism as a stick to beat their male children with - or had to watch it happen.

Pecanpig · 2014-06-13T02:46:41+00:00

I had a Feminist hit me with a book, and I know damned well that if I hit her back that I would have been arrested.

thatgirlwhoislikeagu · 2014-06-13T21:54:41+00:00

[permanently deleted]

MRSPArchiver · 2014-06-14T20:29:37+00:00

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Title	SO (F) needs to ask a question to the men of reddit [Serious] (self xpost from /r/AskMen)
Author	Master_Qu33f
Upvotes	6
Comments	60
Date	June 13, 2014 2:41 AM UTC (12 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MensRights
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/MensRights/comments/280ql1/so_f_needs_to_ask_a_question_to_the_men_of_reddit/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MensRights/so-f-needs-to-ask-a-question-to-the-men-of-reddit.999320 https://theredarchive.com/post/999320

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