30 days later

Boliviascott · 2025-07-07T18:40:36+00:00

Make sure you document everything and every contact as soon as it happens. Not sure what party consent there is for your state but if it is 2 party consent get yourself cameras inside your house. Only answer her call when you are being recorded by the camera. It will only give your side of the conversation but that in addition to your demeanor on tape can refute her saying you were yelling swearing threatening etc. then create a clean email account and immediately after any contact send yourself an email documenting the whole contact, including verbatim statements etc and that will have a time stamp on it. When done right afterwards, it helps bolster your version of the contact when she claims something two weeks later

ConfidentHyena2662 · 2025-07-07T14:46:11+00:00

She has a lot less power than she thinks she has. Don’t fall for it. Contact jag for free and find out the exact dollar amount you have to give. I think it’s 50% of your BAH. That is while separated. Then get you a family law lawyer. Let them handle the rest. File for divorce time now. Follow whatever your lawyer tells you to do. Don’t go off script.

Pleasant-Mechanic-49 · 2025-07-07T12:55:17+00:00

You are a victim of SILVER Bullet DIVORCE. & parental Alienation down the line (ie your kid hating you up bc brainwashed to the point u wont be able to see him). This it NOT a breakup but very highly conflicted divorce

LAWYER UP. YESTERDAY. Not JAG. A civilian attorney who specializes in military divorce in Hawaii id possible. Your career and future with your kid are on the line. This is your #1 priority.
Chain Of Command. talk to your First Sergeant and Commander in the loop. Show them the "unfounded" FAP report. Explain she's using the system to blackmail you. Get ahead of her calls. Show them you are being proactive and responsible. They've seen this BS before.
DOCUMENT EVERYTHING. Create a detailed log. Dates, times, summaries of every threat, every call to your command, every false allegation. Screenshot the texts about the alimony/child support threat. Write down every detail you remember about the airport ammo incident and the physical assault. This is your evidence.
GO SILENT. Stop talking to her. All communication goes through your lawyer from now on. She is using every conversation to bait you into a new MPO. Do not text, do not call, do not answer. Let your lawyer handle it. If really needed, DONT ever meet her without recording or witness with you. She will accuse you of rape or domestics violence for sure if you are alone so hidden recording could be your only proof against her BS accusations.
$$$$. Ask your lawyer about the $1700. You need to provide support, but her demands are extortion. Follow your lawyer's advice on what to pay to stay within Army regulations and not a penny more until a court orders it.

The ammo incident u mentioned is a federal crime she tried to set you up for. The assault is a crime. Use this. Give all of this to your lawyer asap

Helpful-Paramedic463 · 2025-07-07T11:30:18+00:00

So she cannot place that order, only your commander can. And that commander cannot continue to place those orders unless there's evidence. You need to a lawyer today.

She can threaten everything under the sun. A judge makes the call.

Get a lawyer today and don't let her rail road you.

Loose-Candle-4329 · 2025-07-07T09:07:39+00:00

Your situation is putting tremendous stress in your life. Having seen Soldiers go through similar struggles.

The most important thing is the follow the military protection order and no contact orders to the letter. If your wife is breaking the order then inform your chain of command immediately.
You will have to provide for your family. This will be your BAH. Being station in Hawaii this will expansive. The payments will only start after your wife informs the chain of command of non support (true or not). You will be counseled by your company commander of the amount.
High chance there will be a commanders inquiry or 15-6 investigation. Again stressful. The evidence threshold to be founded is above 50%. Keep all evidence like texts message or log of what has happen.
Your reputation with your chain of command will matter a great deal during this time. Don’t cause any trouble during this period example (DUI, fights, failing height/weight, drugs, late to formation). I recommend just don’t drink until this is resolved. Army wants to retain quality Soldiers, be that quality Soldier.
Go to behavior health. Change your SGLV and DD 93 to a trusted family member Mom, Dad, or sibling who will take care of your child. Start searching for divorce attorneys. Base legal might direct you to an attorney.

Don’t carry this burden alone. Complicated spouses are common in the military.

Comfortable-Might240 · 2025-07-07T04:47:42+00:00

Sounds like a terrible situation. I'm sorry you're going through it. Being in the military, your hands are double tied. Consider getting a lawyer, although they might just rip you off too. At least you're in Hawaii. You may need to just focus and prioritize yourself to an extreme amount for the time being, and figure out how to fight a longer war. It's such bullshit, wtf is wrong with modern women, honestly?

HorrorWorldly3749 · 2025-07-07T04:31:50+00:00

Could be a malignant narcissist. Sounds similar to my ex , although yours is worse.

Junior-Warning2568 · 2025-07-07T03:40:07+00:00

What a mess. Tread very carefully and make sure you have your shit straight. One slight move and your clearance will be pulled and she knows that.

upvotersfortruth · 2025-07-07T03:34:10+00:00

Updated your flair as there are some guys on here who can better advise you from the military angle.

Title	30 days later
Author	Interesting-Lack1303
Upvotes	9
Comments	13
Date	July 7, 2025 3:31 AM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1ltjzqm/30_days_later/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/30-days-later.1556534 https://theredarchive.com/post/1556534

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