5 years later..

muramx · 2025-08-02T09:24:56+00:00

I doubt she will actually do.it and its an idol threat.

Also courts dont like to modify things especially if they have been in place with no issues for years. So 8nless there was some drastic change with you then... she will get laughed out of the court room and thats if she can find an attorney.

Vollen595 · 2025-08-01T02:16:22+00:00

She can say she will take you to court, but will that really happen? I am a solo dad with full custody. At the beginning of the divorce, 50/50 was a given, even with my ex having substance abuse issues, multiple arrests, rehabs, involuntary commitment, etc. Tons of documented shitty behavior and she was still getting 50/50.

That was until counseling and therapy for my kid. Mine was 14 at the time and due to the trauma her mom put her through, I wanted my daughter to see a counselor. She refused. I finally was able to get her to tell me why. Mom hijacked all of her counseling years before, played the ‘good mom’ role and always made her counseling about moms issues and it ruined it for her. I asked her if she would see a counselor if I kept her mom completely out of it, and dad as well so she could be fully open and not feel obligated to either parent. She agreed. We (she) found a great counselor, my only input was to meet with her once and give her a rundown of what has happened and I stepped out, fully agreed to respect my kids wishes to have ‘her own counselor’ and I would only get updates if it was a critical issue, danger or the usual issues where a parent must step in. My ex? She lost her mind when she heard I agreed to those terms because she ‘couldn’t tell HER side’ to her counselor. I even had it written into the divorce decree and statement of facts.

Fast forward 4-5 appointments for my daughter and her counselor reached out to me. She stated she ‘strongly recommends’ a restraining order, zero contact and never let her mom be alone with her. She even said she would appear in court on my kids behalf if needed. I was not exactly surprised, as the other parent suffering through a nightmare marriage there was a lot of dirt. What I didn’t expect was my daughter’s ability to remember everything I did and did not know about. All those bad incidents I thought I hid from my child? Not so much. I discovered mom was openly drinking while driving her around, doing drugs, and planning on kidnapping my daughter to ‘get her away from me’ because my ex was so tweaked on drugs she was projecting all of her own shitty behavior on me to our daughter. Bizarre. Kids are not stupid, she knew mom was being a POS and was terrified to tell me because of all the threats mom made towards her. She didn’t think I would believe her.

When the counseling advice hit the scene, my ex went after her own kid like she was an opponent. Verbally shredded her, more threats, mocked her feelings and called her a liar to her face. Then she went after her counselor, threatened to get her license revoked, demanded a new counselor and my daughter was having none of it. She gained her voice. She’s turned into quite a wonderful person now that her mom isn’t stomping on her childhood. My daughter told her counselor what mom was doing and that was when the first restraining order landed. It was limited to two weeks so I had to hire a second attorney to revise the terms of divorce based on her counselors advice. I didn’t ask for full custody, the court ordered it. The court also recommended I find my own counselor based on the overall situation and I did. It’s been a big help. I was trying to do the ‘right thing’ by keeping mom in her life but.. well she did it to herself. The final decree cannot be challenged for 3 years and by then my daughter is a legal adult. The court also ordered her to pay child support. To this day she hasn’t paid a cent. I don’t care, just stay away.

Find a counselor for the kids and let them talk and tell their story. I can’t recommend it enough. It also shows your concern for the kid’s mental health and wellbeing to the court. My ex made all sorts of wild demands and false claims against me. The counseling shut that down. It seems my daughter has way more credibility than her mom. To this day, I still do not know most of what my kid told her but it was more than enough to remove mom from her life. I’m still oddly conflicted about it, but my daughter is firm that she wants zero contact with her mom so that’s where we’re at. I stayed neutral and the ex lost it all.

Your ex has much of the same track record as mine, most courts will not disturb the kids just because your ex decided 5 years too late she wants to play mom. Start recording conversations and calls, it benefitted me in court because my ex can’t stop lying. She would claim one thing in court while her own voice record said the opposite. It destroyed every shred of credibility she thought she had. It will be the same for your ex, let her dig her own hole. Let your kids tell their story and you should be fine.

Good luck my man, I know the single dad struggle with a destructive ex. My advice is to just let your ex be herself. She doesn’t get to make demands.

justAnAccount5432 · 2025-07-31T23:17:53+00:00

Is she stable? Would it be good for the kids to see her?

graphic_fartist · 2025-07-31T13:38:36+00:00

Let her try to take you to court. Enforce the custody agreement just like she would.

Pleasant-Mechanic-49 · 2025-07-31T11:53:08+00:00

Provide her supervised visitation ie you watching her interacting with them. Nothing legal or official if things go south stick to legal orders

Kids will grow up with mental issues if they can't see their mother, drug addict or not unless after a certain age they explicitly tell you they don't wann see her.

Even with drug addict they could be able so stay normal for one hour with kid so at least kids have a false sense of stable second parent that they can see sometimes. When they are old enough they will know the truth.

Most Legal order to cut one parent out usually a father are BS and only helps increase legal fees. Kids need both parent

It is your kid interest. Let her see them and start with 20mn

upvotersfortruth · 2025-07-31T08:22:08+00:00

Does she want to see the kids or is this a play for money somehow? And by somehow I mean - pay her to stay the fuck in the background.

OogyBoogy_I_am · 2025-07-31T04:57:29+00:00

Can she do anything?

You can legally say "no". She can lawyer up and play court roulette in response. And all you can do is lawyer up and match her.

apatrol · 2025-07-31T04:38:26+00:00

She will need lots of money. Stick to the agreement unless orders change.

Medium_Message_224 · 2025-07-31T02:30:25+00:00

It’s an uphill battle. First she has to prove fitness. Check social media for party pics or damaging posts. If fitness is proven, it may be supervised visits. Observe for parental alienation.

A lot depends on the age of the kids and the judge you get and the state you are in.

wulffboy89 · 2025-07-31T02:21:53+00:00

Im curious to see how this goes because im not even the slightest bit familiar with custodial issues. My "me go nom nom" brain would assume not. She hasn't been there and im assuming has made no contributions towards the children's development, financial or otherwise. Id also say that she may be able to submit an addendum to the courts, but anyone in their right mind wouldn't subject the kid(s) to whatever drama mama bringing back.

Most-Ad-7288 · 2025-07-31T02:21:08+00:00

She can fight for a step up plan but she would have an uphill battle if she’s been mia for 5 years

Title	5 years later..
Author	Big_Impress6293
Upvotes	22
Comments	20
Date	July 31, 2025 1:49 AM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1mdoziy/5_years_later/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/5-years-later.1558534 https://theredarchive.com/post/1558534

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