Divorce and young kids

Rinse-retrieve-123 · 2026-01-14T21:05:51+00:00

It’s hard but you gotta do it. I kicked the dirt on this as well should’ve divorced 3 years ago. Way more drama since then. Do it before you start fighting in front of the kids and they are a few years older. They’ll understand everything and it’s painful. Divorce isn’t the end of the world it’s honestly a new beginning. It’s a true blessing and I’m thankful I finally pulled the trigger lol my wife is insane but I wish her the best. Just not at the expense of my happiness no dice. Good luck to the next sucka they ain’t ready

Legitimate-Corgi · 2026-01-13T17:10:49+00:00

The other thing to look at is yes it’s hard not seeing them everyday but you can get the grunt work done on days without them and have more time to focus solely on them when they are with you.

Potential_Bowler_532 · 2026-01-13T13:54:33+00:00

Your brain is doing what every brain does when a marriage is potentially collapsing. It's scanning the future for the worst possible outcome, finding it, and then presenting it to you as inevitable fact. The "not seeing them every day will destroy them" thing feels true right now, but that's fear talking, not evidence. I totally get it. I had the same fears and anxieties. I lived in the same house with my wife for a full six months after we couldn't find a way forward together. That question would eat me up. I can tell you that, looking back years later, my fears were unfounded.

Divorce itself doesn't destroy children. Ongoing parental conflict destroys them. If you separate but stop the war, the kids recover. If you stay (or separate) and keep fighting, their nervous systems remain in a state of toxic stress. Go read the Truth About Divorce and Children. It was really useful to me after the decision was taken to separate and while I was stuck in a purgatory of waiting for that time to come.

BRZBrian · 2026-01-13T12:00:34+00:00

Couples therapy?

thanksvitalik · 2026-01-13T08:54:49+00:00

How old are the kids? When they are 12-14 that's not such an issue anymore. You don't need so much of each other anymore and the thought of co-parenting isn't that painful. There is hope.

UrAristotle · 2026-01-13T08:26:05+00:00

Something you should know that I realized a few months into the process.

Given what you’ve described, it’s very likely your wife has started thinking about divorce. It’s entirely possible that she’s a good woman committed to her marriage and her family, but it’s equally possible that she’s started envisioning life without being married to you.

I only mention this because I think it’s what blindsides most men. Their wives work through that emotional disconnection months ahead of them.

To save your marriage, you guys have to work through whatever resentment is causing her to nag you as soon as you walk in.

I’m closing in on 1 year post divorce and 2 years post separation. We have 50/50 custody which leans more like 60/40 to me in practice. I still hate every time I come home and they’re not here and every night I don’t get to tuck them in.

But both of my kids are thriving despite the divorce, and that’s what’s most important.

RiseNo3399 · 2026-01-13T08:21:48+00:00

You are ready and know it or you wouldn’t be posting here. My best times with my kids has been post separation. And hopefully one day it can be finalized and I can stop the legalized theft and really enjoy life. Get a lawyer and get your ducks in a row. I work on all the days I don’t have my kids

According-Designer15 · 2026-01-13T06:03:05+00:00

The idea of not seeing them every day breaks something in you that's hard to even put into words. I get it. And yeah, they don't see you and your wife fighting, but you're carrying all of it alone, and that's exhausting.

Kids are tougher than we think when parents handle things right, but it doesn't make the fear any less real. You're allowed to be scared and not have answers yet.

upvotersfortruth · 2026-01-13T05:51:22+00:00

Better now than when they’re teenagers. They hit their 20s, a pretty typical comment is, “we knew and wondered what took you so long!”

1millionBURNINGsuns · 2026-01-13T05:01:50+00:00

I know it feels so frightening and like such a potential loss of time and moments and love with them. It is a loss in ways AND it’s also very additive when done with care and love for everyone. My kids feel safe and loved and playful in both homes. They have more fun. We have way more freedom together and more fun and playfulness than we did before. It can be more in a weird way that’s hard to envision in the place you are. I didn’t expect it for sure. At first I felt this deep impending loss and now after it’s done we all have more of the best stuff. It’s possible is all I have to say. I get this may sound like Pollyanna bullshit but it’s our reality. Good luck and hang in there.

RomRomTom · 2026-01-13T05:01:35+00:00

It’s hard not being able to see the kids everyday, but you will get used to it. It took me a couple of months not seeing the kids everyday. I go to the gym, read and hangout with friends on my free days.

Title	Divorce and young kids
Author	allstonguy1011
Upvotes	9
Comments	19
Date	January 13, 2026 4:39 AM UTC (6 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1qbi1gn/divorce_and_young_kids/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/divorce-and-young-kids.1571040 https://theredarchive.com/post/1571040

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